Twice in a Blue Moon - Dark3Star - Out of the Blue (2024)

Twice in a Blue Moon

Seven Months Ago…

Sean’s house keys clattered in the bowl by the door. The tinkle and resonating tone of the shell always made Sean smile, no matter how tired he was. He’d made a point to source a shell no sea life was using, or could use; that would only add to the way humans took from the Blue without giving anything back.

“Oh my God what a night!” Eric squeezed Sean’s shoulders from behind, and jostled him in an energetic hug. “You did amazing sweetheart!” He pressed a wet, exuberant kiss against Sean’s cheek.

“Thank you.” Sean waited until Eric had skipped ahead of him into their living room to wipe the excess moisture from his face. Kisses like that weren’t his preferred form of affection from his long-time boyfriend, but Eric didn’t take criticism, or reminders well when he’d had more than four drinks. It wasn’t even worth talking about in the morning, because when he was sober Eric had no trouble remembering and honoring Sean’s boundaries. Sean wasn’t going to hold onto resentment because Eric was excited and had overindulged. He was only human. They both were.

Eric skip-stumbled through the living room before throwing himself on the sofa with a gleeful sigh. He hefted the unnecessarily large plaque Sean had been presented with. “This is the start of great things for us!”

“The plaque is an unnecessary waste of natural resources,” Sean countered, slipping his suit jacket off and onto one of the dining room chairs before loosening his tie. “At least they didn’t use plastic.”

Eric stretched across the back of the sofa and reached for him. “Babe, you had a win today. Let a win be a win.”

Sean side-stepped the hand that held the offending, wasteful plaque and leaned down to press a gentle kiss into Eric’s temple. “You’re right. Today was a win, and it’s just the start. There’s so much more to do.”

Eric was still mostly sprawled across the sofa, Sean settled himself into the armchair that was facing it. “I already have an idea about a companion documentary, one that focuses on the stories of lost shipwrecks through the ages and how they’ve impacted the ecosystems they’ve settled in. The historic aspect could attract a wider audience, and I saw our project manager, Dorothy, talking to some big-name investors, and a few studio heads. She’s been pulling to get us a series, or even a mini-series. I’ve told her up and down I won’t sign unless at least 10 percent of the profits are donated to vetted ocean conservation organizations. If we get a series, I’m hoping we can partner with a few of them and plug their volunteer and donation opportunities.”

“Sean.” Eric was sitting up straight now, and the mirth that had relaxed his features resolved itself into a frown. “You’re doing more documentaries? I thought…” He looked around the room like he was searching for an answer, then spread his arms wide. “I thought this was about getting your name out there, noticed. It was a great opportunity, and I’m glad you took it, but if you’re not careful you’re going to get stuck here.”

Sean’s jaw set, rippling tension down his neck and up across his forehead. It was going to give him a headache. He’d been getting a lot of headaches lately, and he really didn’t want to deal with another one after such a long day. “The ocean is the reason we have life on land, Eric! And humans are f*cking it up! They’re f*cking it up left, right, and sideways. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is 1.6 million square kilometers wide. 1.6 million!”

Eric flung himself back across the sofa, face turned up to the ceiling and both palms covering his face. “Oh my, God! Not the f*cking Great Pacific Garbage Patch!” He ripping his hands away and jumped to his feet, glaring Sean down. “I KNOW about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, Sean! I didn’t just watch a screening of the documentary with everyone else, I’ve listened to NOTHING else for eight f*cking months.”

Sean’s heart beat against his chest like it was trying to escape. He could hear and feel the forceful THUD THUD THUD echo through his entire body. This wasn’t good. Eric had just asked a question, a reasonable one given Sean’s history, and Sean had let his temper get the best of him. He didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want to lash out at the man that had supported Sean since he’d first signed onto the Patch project. He forced himself to take a slow breath, and three more before he spoke again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m sorry, that was rude.”

Eric crossed his arms across his chest, not mollified, but probably less angry, more hurt. Sean pulled air through the ache in his chest and pressed on.

“This project was a great opportunity, and I felt connected to the work and the people I was working with since day one. It matters to me…more than I thought it would.”

Liar.

Sean had pursued this opportunity with an unrelenting, single minded determination, because it offered a home and a purpose to feelings he didn’t know what to do with.

“Working to document the Patch was…’

Hard. Heartbreaking. Beautiful.

“Transformative. The money raised tonight, and the grant, it could make a significant difference in the cleanup. We might have just escalated the removal of the Patch by five years, and I want to do more.”

“What about your queer love story empire?” Eric’s voice shook and now Sean was moving, crossing the floor to stand by his boyfriend’s side. Eric stepped into the circle of his arms the moment Sean opened them. “You were going to change the world of rom-coms, remember?”

“I do.” Sean rocked them back and forth with slow, gentle movements. “And I have a chance to actually change the world instead.”

Eric ripped himself away from Sean with so much force they both stumbled. “You don’t think representation can change the world?” His back was to Sean now, his face half turned over his shoulder. He wouldn’t make eye-contact.

“I didn’t say that,” Sean kept his voice low and slow, trying not to add fuel to the fire.

Eric spun around like Sean’s calm had been a slap. “You didn’t have to! No one ever does because they don’t want to admit they’re chasing the money or the fame, but your actions…” Eric shook his head. “They’re speaking loud and clear.”

A sigh escaped Sean’s lips before his better sense could clamp down on it, and every molecule of breath seemed to bring Eric’s shoulders up around his ears. “We don’t need someone else to abandon us just because it’s convenient!” Eric hissed, using the royal we for the queer community.

“I’m not abandoning you; I just don’t want to choose.”

Something inside Eric grew still and he stared Sean down. “What?”

“I don’t want to choose. I won’t choose. I want both; the world deserves both.”

The scoff that flew out of Eric’s mouth stung. “You really think they’re going to let you have both? That’s not how this town works, Sean. If you want to move the industry even a fraction of an inch, you’ve got to give it everything you’ve got. If you split your attention, even a little,” he spread his hands, palms up, “everything crumbles. No one wins. You become another forgettable name in a landfill of forgettable careers.”

“I don’t need to be remembered,” Sean shook his head. “That’s never been important to me.”

“Oh, but you want to change the world?” Eric rolled his eyes so hard he half turned away from Sean, taking up a defensive stance. “How are you going to do that without making history? You can’t hide behind the camera if you want to make a difference, and you can’t fight two battles.”

“That’s just the thing,” Sean lifted his hands, keeping his fingers loose, trying to project calm and dedication with his body. “I don’t think it has to be a fight. And I don’t think anyone has to choose. The Patch Documentary was never about just one person, or even just the Patch. It was about raising awareness, and it was about bringing people together. No one person can make a difference alone, and none of us have to!” Sean took a breath and lowered his voice. He was excited by the possibilities opening up in front of him, but it was late. “I can devote myself to conservation projects and queer love stories. That could bring more of the queer population on board with my other projects.” Sean grinned. “It’s win, win, win.”

Instead of smiling with him, Eric seemed to fold in on himself, deflating until he looked half a foot shorter than he actually was. “It’s always going to be like this, isn’t it?”

Sean blinked. “Like what?”

“You, chasing passion projects, breaking yourself on the rocks of the world, trying to make it move.”

“I don’t understand.” Sean took a step forward, and stopped when Eric took a step back. What was happening here? “Weren’t you just upset that I wasn’t spending more time fighting for the queer community?”

“I’m upset because—” Eric snapped his mouth shut and started to turn away.

“Hey,” Sean reached for Eric, trying to keep his voice low and soothing. “Come back. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Eric flinched away, which made Sean pull back like he’d been burned. Eric’s arms wound around his own ribs, like he was physically holding himself together, but he stopped retreating.

Cold prickles of building anxiety stabbed across Sean’s skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Eric?”

“I’m always going to come second, aren’t I?” Eric’s voice sounded cold, small, and he still wouldn’t turn around.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought…” Sean could see Eric’s Adam’s apple bobbing in profile. “I thought after this documentary, after the gala, and after the grant I’d get you back.” Eric’s breath hitched a little and a distressing tremble settled around the corners of his mouth. “But that was wishful thinking.”

“Eric.” Finally, finally pale blue eyes lifted and settled in Sean’s face. “Please, let’s sit and talk about this.” Sean gestured to the sofa with one hand and held out his other hand to Eric. “I don’t know why you’re upset, but I want to. Please talk with me?”

“Okay.” It was a word breathed on a sigh and full of resignation. Eric’s fingers were icy cold when they slipped across Sean’s palm.

They sat together on the sofa, and Sean wrapped Eric’s hands in both of his, trying to warm them.

Eric sputtered, something between a sniffle and a laugh. “You’re always taking care of people, Sean.” He nodded to their joined hands. “It was one of the first things I admired about you.”

“I like taking care of people.” Sean offered a hesitant smile. This was more familiar territory, at least.

“Too many people,” Eric nodded.

“And there hasn’t been enough time for you?” Sean guessed. “Is it time to play the bestie card? Or the boyfriend card, in this case.”

The smile that flickered across Eric’s face was weaker and more fleeting than Sean had hoped for.

“If I thought,” Eric began, lifting watery blue eyes to Sean’s face, “that it would make any difference, I would.” He sniffled, turning his head into his shoulder.

“Eric,” Sean squeezed Eric’s palm in his. “I know I’ve been busy, and the Patch Documentary is over now. I can call Dorothy tomorrow, let her know you and I need some time together before the next series of shoots. We could set some boundaries around my availability, plan some date nights. Would you like that?”

“It’s not just time,” Eric pulled one hand back to wipe his eyes. His voice trembled with emotion, but there was also a low, heavy resignation that was setting off alarm-bells in the back of Sean’s head.

“What do you mean?”

Eric reached across the space between them and pressed the fingers of his right hand across Sean’s chest. “I want more of your heart, Sean, and I’m not sure you know how to give it to me.”

Sean lifted one hand away from their laps and intertwined his fingers with the ones Eric had splayed above his heart. “I love you, Eric.”

Eric shook his head. “I love you too, Sean, but it’s different for me, I think.” Eric swallowed, and Sean watched his Adam’s apple bob. “Maybe I should have said something sooner, but you were so busy with the Patch documentary this past year I tried to tell myself you were just stressed and overworked.”

Sean frowned and bit back a sigh. “What do you mean?” This was starting to sound very much like circular logic, like Eric was upset just to be upset.

“This is about more than time,” Eric repeated. “This is about feelings. You were so sweet when you asked me to sit down with you, but now you’re being… analytical.” Eric pulled his hands back and gestured vigorously between the two of them. “This, feels like a business meeting.”

“If we’re not talking about solutions, options, what you want, then nothing changes,” Sean countered. “I want to fix this, and I’m not a mind reader. I need to know what you want.”

“I don’t want to be a problem to solve, Sean.” Eric’s mouth shifted into a wistful smile, like he was looking back at something that could have been. “I want to be someone you can’t picture your life without.”

Sean felt himself straightening in his seat. “It’s not healthy to be consumed by a relationship.” He’d learned that lesson twice over a long time ago, and he refused to need it a third time.

“Sweetheart,” Erics hand landed on Sean’s arm near his shoulder and squeezed. Something about the gesture felt patronizing, but Sean did his best not to bristle. “There’s a difference,” Eric continued, “between being consumed by a relationship and being vulnerable enough to give your heart over to it.”

“How are those two things any different?” He shook his head and fought the urge to stand. Pulling away wasn’t what they needed right now. They could talk this through. “You can’t be my everything, Eric. That’s unrealistic and unhealthy. We don’t need to be codependant to matter to each other.” Sean smoothed his thumb back and forth across the skin covering Eric’s knuckles, trying to ground himself in their connection. “We came together for a reason, and we’ve built a good life together.”

Eric was looking at him with an unsettling level of calm. His eyes were still misty, but no more tears threatened to fall. “I want to be more to you than someone who’s familiar and comfortable.”

“I love you, Eric.” Sean swallowed a few times, trying to force the pain out of his voice. He respected his boyfriend’s autonomy. He would not manipulate him with emotion. If Eric was going to stay, it had to be on his own terms. “But if—"

“I love you,” Eric cut in, but there was nothing comforting in his declaration. Eric was smiling, and it was the kind of smile you offered a child, or someone you thought wasn’t seeing something obvious.

“I believe you when you say you love me too,” Eric continued. “I just…” a long sigh slipped past his lips. “I don’t have the part of your heart that I’m asking for.” Eric’s fingers pressed themselves to Sean’s chest again. Something about the sensation almost burned. “We both deserve a love that doesn’t hold back; a love we can’t hold back from.”

~*~*~*~

Present day…

“Ah, jeez, Kavya! What the f*ck?” Sean had answered the face time call on speaker, but he still needed to rapidly lower the volume and hold the phone as far out as his arm would take it to save his eardrums from the worst of Kavya’s vocal assault. The video feed was shaky too, like she was holding her phone while running through a blender. “Is this happy screaming, angry screaming, or sad screaming? I’m gonna need some context.”

The sounds of shuffling momentarily dimmed Kavya’s incomprehensible squealing, and a familiar face joined the call. “Hey, Sean. I hope we’re not calling at a bad time.”

“Hey, Miguel! No, now’s good.” Sean sat on the dark blue sofa Eric had left behind when he’d moved out. The apartment was just Sean’s now, and he’d kept it pretty sparse. He wasn’t making a memorial to his failed relationship by refusing to fill the blank spaces on the walls or by not replacing furniture that he didn’t really need in the first place. It just didn’t make sense to waste any of the earth’s resources decorating a place where he barely spent any of his waking hours. “What’s your girlfriend so worked up about?”

“My fiancée, actually.” The besotted grin that covered Miguel’s face laced his words with honey.

“Fiancée.” Sean let the word roll across his tongue, tasting it for a long moment before the truth registered. “Fiancée?!”

Miguel and Kavya’s side of the call rippled with happy laughter and more shaking video. “We’re engaged!”

It shouldn’t have been a surprise. If anything, it was long overdue. Kavya and Miguel had been rock-solid through the end of high school, college, and in the years since. They’d been together almost a decade.

“T-that’s great!” Sean beamed at his phone. He was supposed to smile, right? This was a good thing. He was happy for his friends. “Congratulations!!!”

“See?” Kavya gestured at the phone, while grinning smugly at her fiancé. “He doesn’t know what to think, because even my bestie gave up waiting for you to figure out I’m your future.”

“Kavya,” Miguel’s voice dipped low, and he tugged her more tightly to him. “I had to wait until I could offer you the life and the ring you deserve.”

“I don’t need a fancy ring.” Kavya shook her head, and she was so close to Miguel their noses touched, so she was shaking his head too.

“No?” Miguel grinned. “You didn’t seem upset about it when I knelt at your feet.”

“I’m always going to cherish gifts from you, but you, Miguel, are my heart.”

Kavya’s voice was so low now, Sean almost couldn’t hear it. Should he still be on the line? Would it be rude if he ended the facetime without saying goodbye?

“Sean!”

Sean did not jump so hard that he tossed his phone across the room, but he did fumble it, when Kavya’s attention came violently back to him.

“You have to come to the wedding!”

“Of course, Kavya,” Sean, chuckled, trying to blink away the flush of heat that rushed across his face. “Just let me know when, and I’m there. I promise.”

“Kavya, we’ve barely been engaged for twenty minutes,” Miguel protested. “We don’t need to set a date yet.”

“I know what I want.” Kavya silenced Miguel with a short, sharp kiss on the lips. “I’m not waiting.” Flipping her attention back to Sean she pointed at him through the camera. “And you have to bring a plus one. No arguments.”

“Kavya, I can’t manifest a partner out of thin air.” Sean made a sweeping gesture at his solitary apartment, that was mostly lost over facetime. “I’ll bring someone if I have a partner when you get married, but I’m not going to manufacture one for guest list.”

“This isn’t about a guest list, Sean. You’ve been sulking. It’s time to get back on the horse. Get out there and get some.”

Sean pushed back a flash of irritation. Kavya was only needling him because she cared about him. “I’m happy as I am. If I bring someone, it’ll be because we’ve chosen to invest time in each other, not because we need each other.”

“Blegh. Invest.” Kavya pulled a face. “Do you even hear the upset accountant babble anymore? When did you get so afraid of loving, Mr. Rom-com?”

“Kavya, sweetheart,” Miguel interjected, caressing the side of her face, presumably to draw her attention back to him. It worked. “Let’s set a date before we talk about the guest list, hm?” His smile turned softer the longer they looked at each other. “We don’t need to take on the stress of wedding planning right away. We can take our time.”

“Why?” Kavya’s smile was light and happy, softening the sharp tones of her question. “I already said I know what I want. I don’t want to wait. I don’t need to wait. As long as it’s you and me together, I have everything I need.”

“Yeah?” Miguel’s arms wound a little tighter around Kavya’s waist. “Me too.” He kissed her, and Kavya’s hands in his hair kept Miguel locked in a steamy embrace.

“It’s a little too confining. Like you’re saying “You can’t escape” with your hands.”

“Sorry, man.” Miguel blushed. “We didn’t call to put on a show.”

“You just got engaged,” Sean deflected with an easy smile. It was the only smile he’d ever been able to use to fool Kavya. “I think you deserve to be deliriously happy.”

“Damn straight!” Kavya beamed at the camera. “Ten years in the making and going strong.”

“It’ll be nine years next month,” Miguel reminded her, nuzzling a kiss against her temple.

Kavya waved her hand through the air in front of her. “Bah. Details. The point is we’re awesome.”

“You’re awesome,” Miguel cooed.

“That’s a lame pickup line, and you know it.” Despite her words, Kavya’s smile was undoubtedly fond.

They were making eyes at each other like they were about to kiss again, and while Sean didn’t at all begrudge his friends their happiness, it was definitely time to say his goodbyes. Miguel, surprisingly, beat him to it.

“We wanted you to be one of the first to know. Obviously, we’re going to have to talk about the details a little more.” His gaze flicked back to Kavya, but his smile never wavered.

“You mean I need to convince you that I’m right.” Kavya scrunched her nose up with her smile, showing confidence in her victory. She was probably right too.

“But we’ll let you know when we have a date,” Miguel finished, turning his bright smile back to the camera.

“And you’d better bring a plus one!” Kavya added, gesturing forcefully at the camera.

“Talk to you later, man,” Miguel chuckled.

“Talk to you later,” Sean repeated, waving at the camera with his free hand. “Congratulations, both of you!”

Another round of goodbyes and Sean was alone again in the echoing silence of his apartment. Normally, he didn’t mind the quiet. It wasn’t a punishment to have his own space, and being alone didn’t mean he had to be lonely. Eric and he wanted different things, and they’d both made the best decisions for them. They’d handled everything like adults and Sean had poured his energy into the next conservation documentary Dorothy had helped line up. They didn’t have a series on the line yet, but hopefully soon. Any forward progress was worth it. They were working hard to make a meaningful difference every day. Sean may or may not go down in the history books, but he was determined to make a difference that mattered, to be a human that left the earth…and the Blue, better than he found them.

Filled with sudden energy, Sean stood. It was starting to get late, but he’d only been back from Australia for a few days, and he was still under the thrall of jet lag. He scrubbed a hand across his face. He had to get his sleep schedule right; there was an important meeting with a big name studio in a few days.

Swimming might help, but none of the local pools would be open at this hour… Maybe he could go for a run? Summer was coming fast, but the nights were still cool. If he exhausted himself, he should be able to get some rest, at least enough to keep pushing.

Sean pulled a fresh tank top and jogging bottoms out of luggage, because, no, he hadn’t gotten around to unpacking yet. Eric used to lecture him about his habit of living out of suitcases with a charmed smile on his face. Would Sean’s next partner find it so amusing? Would there be another partner? Maybe not. It was something Sean wanted, but he didn’t want that connection badly enough to demand it from himself, the world, or anyone else. If it was going to happen, it would happen without any stupid risks, impassioned pleas, or leaps of faith.

“We both deserve a love that doesn’t hold back; a love we can’t hold back from.”

Sean pressed his knuckles against his sternum, pushing back against the kick of heartburn. Did he have antacid in the medicine cabinet? Eh, it wasn’t worth it. He’d be fine.

Cool night air kissed his skin the moment he stepped outside. The chill ran icy fingers through his hair and slipped down his spine, leaving gooseflesh in its wake. Sean lifted his face into the wind and smiled when he scented salt in the air. Maybe he was just imagining things; he still lived in LA, and there was more than enough human mess between him and the water to muddle the air. Still, as long he was going for a run, the beach wasn’t a bad choice. There wouldn’t be many people there at this time of night, and the give of the sand would be a good workout.

Sean popped his workout earbuds in and pushed off against the concrete under his shoes. The beat of his playlist was driving, a good rhythm to fall into and let his feet carry him away. There were still some people out and about, but they weren’t a distraction. The distraction was front and center in the sky above him. The night was glowing from a bright, full moon. Not just any full moon. It was supermoon, which made it loom almost ominously close in the sky, like it would roll across the horizon and sink into the sparkling surface of the Blue that it was currently illuminating.

The ocean wasn’t in sight yet, but Sean swore he could hear waves lapping over the pounding music blaring into his ears. It was probably just his blood rushing through the narrow canals of his ear because of his elevated heart rate. At most it was some combination or magnification of the blood in his ears, loose earbuds—they were kind of old—and the visual of rustling leaves from the sparse trees he passed underneath. The breeze was lively tonight, and it stayed at his back all the way to the water’s edge.

Sand skidded under Sean’s running shoes as he came to a stop at the tideline. The supermoon painted the water with a wash of blue-white light, making every wave and crest…shine.

Sean pulled one arm across his chest and stretched, trying to focus on the hum of his warmed-up muscles. He could run another few miles easily. Lugging filming equipment around had certainly helped him keep his strength up, even if he’d dropped competitive swimming after college.

Swim.

He could go for a swim here. A quick glance confirmed that this section of beach was deserted. Sean had run away from the club and resorts where most of the moon gazers, if they thought of the moon at all, would be watching from.

It wouldn’t be the first time that insomnia or jetlag had sent him into the water at night. The water had, even after a precipitous fall off the boardwalk, always remained his safe place. He wasn’t that far from a low pier, either. It would be easy to scramble up to a low beam and leave his valuables behind. Risky? A little, sure, but again, nothing he hadn’t done before, and the Blue—the ocean was calling to him. Why hadn’t he thought of this on the first place?

A quick trot and a few shimmies later, Sean was standing ankle-deep in surf, letting the lapping water bury his feet in sand. He’d left everything behind, as well hidden in the wood of the pier as he could make it, except for his underwear. It wasn’t a swimsuit, but Sean was NOT risking any indecency charges.

Seafoam tickled his calf and Sean stepped forward, ignoring the tug that pulled on his battered heartstrings. Crest wasn’t seafoam. They were fine. They were home, with Drop and the other mer who’d raised them.

Normally Sean didn’t let himself focus too much on Crest or anything mer, not after Kavya had confiscated his emotional support copy of the little mermaid which he’d found in an antique store while thrifting with her and her mothers. That scuffed leather book had perched on the edge of his nightstand for his first three months away at college. He hadn’t put up a fuss when Kavya removed it. If he’d argued it would only prove her point that he wasn’t letting go like he’d promised. She was right, of course. She usually was. Sean had begun dating his college boyfriend three weeks later, just in time to post cute, but not over the top, Instagram photos that quieted the last of Kavya’s complaints.

It had taken several pointed conversations for Kavya to accept Sean’s pivot in the film industry wasn’t more mer obsession. Sean had dug in and demanded that conservation was an important and healthy lesson they could all take away from the past. She’d relented under that ironclad stipulation that she would throw the bestie card if she felt Sean was losing himself to fantasy.

As if that was even an option. Framing the most beautiful or devastating shots of the Blue, its inhabitants, and what humans had done to it were the only places Sean could put his most tender feelings. Working to better the world was safe; it couldn’t put anyone through an emotional blender the way giving your heart away to the wrong person could.

A salty spray washed up Sean’s neck, forcing him back to the present moment. He was up to his chest in the ocean now. He had to focus. Even if the currents weren’t spectacularly dangerous, it would still be easy to get into trouble if he wasn’t concentrating. With one last glance up at the moon, a Journey Moon, Sean pushed off his feet and dove into the next wave.

He didn’t want to know that it was a Journey Moon, but he couldn’t help it. Without searching out the information specifically he’d still known about every Journey Moon and blue moon that had passed in the last nine years. It was like he had acquired and internal clock that ticked louder the more he tried to ignore it.

Kavya was the one who’d confirmed Sean’s suspicions about the first Journey Moon and blue moon that happened since Crest. Sean must have convinced her he’d neither known nor cared, because she hadn’t mentioned the two others. Even so, every time someone made a comment about the full moon, especially a blue moon, even in passing, it felt like the universe itself was mocking him.

Awareness of the moon and its cycles had grown in Sean’s veins like an itch he could never scratch. He’d known without looking that tonight was the start of the 4^th Journey cycle since Crest. That forbidden knowledge might have been part of the symptoms keeping him from sleep.

This wasn’t just another Journey cycle. Well, it was, it had to be, for everyone’s sanity. But it was also the first Journey Moon that was also a super moon since the night that began Crest’s Journey. It felt like everything was coming full-circle, but it wasn’t. This was one celestial event of many that would have no significant meaning in Sean’s life whatsoever. That’s just the way it was.

Sean reached his arm over his head, scooping water out from under him to propel himself forward. Salt burned faintly around his eyes and mouth, but it was a welcome distraction. He needed to swim, to clear his head, and just be.

Swimming like this, out in the open water, had become a luxury Sean rarely had the opportunity to experience. His schedule was part of the reason he’d given up swimming: If you wanted recognition in this industry, you had to be part of the grind. It was a hard truth, but there was no changing it. It was the way it was.

The other reason he didn’t swim anymore…that was the more dangerous one. Swimming had always been something that felt like home to Sean. He connected with the water in a way that felt natural, timeless, sacred. Since Crest, swimming always, always reminded Sean of the Blue, and what he’d lost to it.

Neither of them could have made a different decision. Neither Crest nor Sean could give up their entire way of life forever on the tenuous possibility of their relationship. Even if they’d lasted as a couple, there would’ve been so much room for codependency or resentment to poison their happiness. It didn’t work. It never could have worked.

But none of that stopped Sean’s heart from dreaming. It ached, it mourned, and it wanted with a ferocity he rarely let himself pay attention to, because none of that wanting could undo the barriers that had, and would always, keep Crest and him apart.

Sean’s chest burned, but not from lack of oxygen. He tried to let the feeling dissolve into the salt water around him. He would never see Crest again, and that had to be okay. He couldn’t waste any part of his life waiting for something that would never happen; it wouldn’t be fair to Crest or the lessons of that long ago Journey.

Breaking the surface, Sean pulled in sharp, wet lungfuls of air. He’d barely come half a mile and he was already winded. “I must be losing my touch.” Sean wiped a hand across his face and spit water out of his mouth. Swimming wasn’t just about exertion. It was about breathing, rhythm, and choosing the right moments for both, and he’d spent most of this particular swim stuck in his head.

“Time to get serious,” Seam muttered, tipping his face up towards the moon. It still looked massive in the sky, and the bright beams of moonlight it was giving off painted Sean’s skin silver. He had to stop wasting this opportunity. Time between filming was precious and, if he became as successful as he hoped to be, it could be a year or more before Sean had another chance to swim in open water like this. He couldn’t have Crest, he couldn’t undo the past, but he still had the Blue. They both did.

Sean let himself bob with the current, moving his limbs to work with the water until he’d fully caught his breath. Water pulsed around him like a heartbeat, flowing with the push and pull of the waves. Sean could feel the tickle of the current pulling at the hairs over his arms and legs. He turned his body with the flow of the water, letting it carry him out into the deep. The seabed fell away beneath him until it felt like he was flying through the vast expanse of ocean. Sean was entirely alone, but he felt connected to something larger, older, and more meaningful than the worries he’d left behind at the shore.

This connection, this synergy, soothed the sharp edges that refused to leave Sean alone. He dove deeper, letting his limbs pull him under the water and into a rush of current that felt like an extension of him. The water should have been chilly, even this late in the summer, but a burst of warmth tingled through his skin as he moved in the water, reveling in the rush and power of his movements. It felt as if he was soaring through the water and, if he tried, he could jump up and over the waves like a dolphin.

Smiling to himself, Sean surged towards the surface, letting himself play like a little kid. Of course, he wouldn’t really—air cut across Sean’s wet skin and scales as he arched out of the water. Scales? Scales! Sean’s momentum carried him back into the water before he could freak out enough to belly flop. His entire body, including his fin, rippled, pushing him down below the surface of the water. Sean swam down at least ten feet before he let himself spin around. Bright teal scales and the fanning arch at the end of his fin filled Sean’s vision.

I have a fin again…

Sean sucked in water that felt like air and tentatively pressed his hand against his scales. They were smooth and slick, but also stiff like light armor over his skin. Sean’s fingers tingled when he pulled them away. Flickers of half-formed questions raced through Sean’s mind, swirling with anxiety and a sharp burst of joy.

He had a fin again!

Sean turned towards the deeper part of the ocean and stretched one hand out towards the dark expanse. He’d be lying if he said a part of him didn’t want to race ahead, but he couldn’t be foolish enough to act on it. He had no proof this transformation would last. Why had it happened in the first place? He hadn’t been drowning. He hadn’t been in any physical danger at all, and yet…

Sean flicked his tail and grinned when the movement carried him several yards further than his legs would have been able to. With this kind of power he could race miles out to sea and back again with a fraction of the effort it would take his human body.

Sean Nessan you are not going to risk drowning at sea on a f*cking whim.

His conscience had Kavya’s voice, and it was right. It was too risky to go too far or too deep. This could be a fluke or a glitch from the super Journey Moon that was staring down at him like a spotlight. Maybe it and the Blue had confused Sean’s feelings for something that would actually endanger his life…

Sean pressed the heel of his palm against the center of his chest, trying to soothe the ache that had flared up inside him. Feelings couldn’t drown him, no matter how much they surged.

“Hey.”

He should go back to the shore, right? Try to dry off and get home safe?

“Hey.”

That would be the smart thing to do…

“Hey buddy.”

Something bulky nudged Sean’s hip and his attention finally snapped to the dark shape beside him. It was tuberous in shape, but a flick of its head revealed the whiskers and profile of a seal.

“Want to race?” The seal wiggled in the water as if it had too much energy to contain inside it’s body.

“Race?” Sean asked looking around for any identifiable landmark. “To where?”

“Until we’re done. Race until we’re done.” The seal bobbed its head up and down in a vigorous nod. “Or until we see a boat.” The seal snorted. Boats are bad.”

“No kidding.” The last thing Sean needed was to be seen like he was now.

“Unless they give you fish,” The seal continued. “Sometimes boats give you fish.”

“No boats,” Sean insisted. Was he actually considering this?

“No boats,” the seal echoed, darting around him, clearly ready to go.

“And we stay below the surface,” Sean added, peering up at the shimmering light above them.

“Yes,” the seal agreed, swirling so close around Sean that it nearly smacked him with its tail. “Faster that way. We race?”

This isn’t a good idea.

This isn’t a good idea.

This isn’t a good idea.

His fin might disappear as quickly as it had come. He might be stuck in the water forever. This might be his last chance to feel a tiny sliver of what he could have had, the life Crest lived every day without him. “We race,” Sean echoed.

The seal took off with a sharp bark of excitement. “Race!”

“Hey!” It was more laugh than protest. Sean rushed after the seal, pushing his new body to eat up the distance he’d lost to hesitation. It was so easy to move in the water; it was almost as fast as he could think.

The seal barked again, and joy blossomed in Sean’s chest like sunlight. It had been over a decade since he’d pushed himself to swim this hard, and at least that long since swimming had been this much fun. It was a race, but he wasn’t competing against anyone’s expectations. He was free to exist exactly as he was in this moment without worrying so much about what happened next. He’d have to think about it eventually, sure, but right now he could swim in a way he’d only ever dreamed about and tomorrow could wait.

They darted around clumps of seaweed, past several schools of fish, and over massive rock formations that put the stones at Point Fermin to shame. It was just the two of them racing, but they were far from alone. Sean and the seal raced past so much life that Sean recognized as families and friends. Sean’s marine life knowledge was bolstered by the snippets of conversation he could understand in this form. Life was happening all around him, and he felt a greater sense of community than he often felt on land.

No wonder Crest couldn’t leave this behind…

How could anyone?

But I can’t stay.

Low haunting tones crept through the water and tickled Sean’s ears. He couldn’t see where they were coming from at first, but then higher, keening tones joined them, and Sean began to understand the messages they held.

“Safe. This way. Stay together. You’re doing good, little one.”

“Where—?”

“Whales!” The seal darted to the left, but Sean slowed and turned, letting himself drift and listen to the whale song. His eyes swept the water, and he caught flickers of shapes, images that could have been a far off pod, maybe another mother and her calf, but he couldn’t be sure?

Was this what it felt like for Crest when we went whale watching?

“Go! Go!” The seal was back now, nudging Sean away from the sound. “It isn’t safe!”

No, it definitely wasn’t. These memories made Sean want to stay.

I can’t.

This isn’t my home.

I promised myself I’d make a difference on land.

“Go!”

This time Sean swam with the seal, letting it herd him away from the songs and sounds that twisted in his chest like fishhooks. When he could breath—did this really count as breathing?—a little easier, Sean looked around again and startled to see the light had changed.

“I can’t see the moon…”

“Moon’s gone.” The seal supplied, swimming merry laps around Sean’s mer-body. “Sun’s coming.”

“The sun?!”

“Yes.” The seal bobbed its head again. Had it ever been trained for fish rewards? Not important. The sun was coming up!

“I have to go.” Sean spun around and cursed. “Do you know the way back to shore?”

“Shore? Boats are there now.” The seal shook its head and swam in a looping arch around him. “No boats.”

“I have to go back to shore,” Sean pleaded. “My family are there.”

“Family…” The seal rumbled as it vocalized, seeming to think it over. “This way.” It darted forward in a direction Sean desperately hoped was the right one. Kavya was going to kill him if he got lost at sea this way. Could he even go back home? Would he get legs again when he dried off? He had to try.

They’d swam much further from the shore than Sena had originally intended. If anything had happened, if he’d lost his fin he would never have made it back under his own power. Sean tried to be realistic about the risk he’d just taken, but he couldn’t make himself regret it. His entire body sang with the rightness of being in the water like this. That was why he’d followed the seal, why he’d pushed so far away from land without stopping to consider what he might lose. He didn’t want to give up this feeling, and the impossible hopes that made his body sing.

The sand rose up to meet them, broadcasting their rapid approach to the beach. A distant engine rumbled through the water. Sean couldn’t see a boat, but it didn’t matter. It was close enough. Sean tapped the Seal with his fin and they turned back to look at him. Sean slowed and the Seal slowed too. The momentum they’d created and the current continued to carry them, but slowly, drawing out the time until Sean would have to drag himself back up the beach.

If I just let myself drift, can I stay here?

Sean swallowed and forced himself to speak. “I can find my way from here.” He inclined his head. Did the gesture translate across species? “Thank you for taking me this far. You should go be safe.”

The rumble of the engine was louder now, and the seal turned their head in its direction. They didn’t look anxious, just curious.

“Stay away from the boats,” Sean warned, a spike of anxiety shooting through him.

The seal turned their big brown eyes towards Sean. Something about the tilt of their head looked curious. “Humans aren’t always bad.”

“I mean it,” Sean insisted. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you because of me.”

Another head tilt. Another curious look, and then the seal nodded their head. “I’ll be safe.” The seal bumped their head against Sean’s shoulder. “You be safe too.”

“I—” Sean’s voice caught in his throat. “I will. Thank you.” The seal vocalized, something that sounded like clicks and whistles, and then they were off, darting through the water like an arrow. Sean waited until he couldn’t see them anymore before he turned and started moving back to shore.

He moved more slowly than he had in open water, and he told himself it wasn’t stalling. The light was shifting, and he didn’t want to risk being seen. Moving more slowly was reasonable, calculated, smart. It definitely wasn’t about drawing out his time as a temporary mer.

The tide was higher now than when he’d stepped into the water, which made it easier to ride the waves almost all the way back to the spot of the pier where he’d stashed his belongings. When he reached the edge of the beach Sean huddled low in the surf and scanned the shoreline. Everything was muddled in the pale gray pre-dawn light that was minutes away from being the more illuminative tones of pink, orange, and yellow. Sean squinted and craned his neck but he couldn’t see anyone on this stretch of beach.

“Thank goodness.” He sucked in a deep breath and tried undulating his body further onto the beach with the next wave. Sean hissed in discomfort when the retreating waves tugged him back across the sand, painfully displacing some of his scales. Damn that was uncomfortable.

Sean rolled to his side, trying to ease the pressure on his displaced scales. It took a little bit of shuffling and the rush of a few waves to brush away the worst of the sand grit that had worked its way up underneath a few scales. A shiver rocked Sean’s body, and his fingers gripped the sand underneath him. Okay. Bounding forward like a seal or a sealion wasn’t going to work for him. What now?

There was at least seven feet of sand, half of it sodden, half wispy and dry, between Sean and his clothes. How was he going to cover that distance without legs? “Way to call me out on my privileges, universe,” Sean muttered.

Water sloshed across his tail, reminding Sean of the rising tide. If he couldn’t move fast enough he’d have serious trouble drying off enough to get dressed and run home.

If drying off even works…

The possibility that he was stuck like this, for some reason, probably should have been more frightening, but Sean couldn’t pretend his apprehension wasn’t laced with a thread of excitement.

One step at a time. I won’t know if I’ll get my legs back unless I try.

The sloshing water nudged Sean’s hip, and he went with it, rolling across the sand with far more ease than he’d experienced trying to worm his way forward. It probably wasn’t the most dignified way to work his way up the beach, but it worked. Less than a minute later Sean was sitting, ass plated in cool sand, staring up at the crumpled mass he’d tucked into the wooden beams of the pier.

“Okay, I’m here. Now what?”

There weren’t a lot of good handholds on the wooden pillars around him, and the damp environs of ocean spray would make the columns slippery. He wasn’t going to get his clothes until he could stand, and that wasn’t going to happen until he could dry himself off.

“I’ve got to move quick if I don’t’ want to be caught by a jogger,” Sean muttered, looking around him for something, anything he could use to get himself dry.

There was nothing but sand.

…dry sand.

If he scrubbed himself with dry sand, would that be enough?

There wasn’t anything else close at hand, so Sean scooped palmfuls of fine pale sand across his fin, like he was trying to bury himself. “Come on, legs,” he urged, closing his eyes to visualize what it felt like to have two separate limbs instead of one massive wall of muscle. Sean concentrated on the strong muscles of his thighs and calves, what it felt like to swivel on his ankles, and the abrasive texture of sand between his toes.

Toes!

Sean’s eyes fluttered open, and his toes wiggled back at him, sand clinging to the fine dark hairs that covered them.

He should have been elated, or at least happy that he wasn’t forcibly cut off from his entire life without warning, but there was an undeniable wave of disappointment. He had legs again. He’d had his tail for hours this time as opposed to the scant minutes he’d had it the first time.

Will I ever have it back?

The distant sound of voices shocked Sean to his feet. There would be time for maudlin thoughts after he had running bottoms on. Everything, thankfully, was still there. Jogging bottoms, shirt, socks, sneakers, and cell phone.

Sean stared at the black mirror of his phone and wiped at the screen. He’s wrapped it in his clothing, but the moisture must have gotten to it anyway. His reflection looked like it had tears in its eyes.

Sean sniffled and shoved the phone back into his pocket. It was going to be a long, exfoliated walk back to his apartment. He’d definitely need a shower after he got in. “And then I have to call Kavya,” he murmured to himself.

~*~*~*~

“Sean, why won’t you just TELL me what this is about?”

“I will,” Sean insisted, dragging her beside him as he trotted to her families’ backyard pool. It was a small, above-ground model, just installed in the last five years, but it would do. “I just need you to see what I’m seeing. I need an objective opinion about what’s happening.”

“What’s happening is you’re about to do an underwater burlesque show for my entire family, and I still have no idea why.”

“Kavya!” Heat splashed across Sean’s face and crept down his neck towards his chest. It was true that he was only wearing a towel around his waist right now, but he didn’t want to ruin anymore clothing. “Look, if it’s nothing it’s nothing. I still don’t know why it happened again. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe…maybe it means something. I don’t know.”

“Sean.” That was Coraline, Kavya’s MerMom, or former mer. She was keeping pace with Sean and Kavya while Avani, Kavya’s human mother, and Miguel, Kavya’s new fiancé trailed behind them. “Can you tell us what happened?”

“And why we’re out here at night?” Kavya added. “Seriously, Sean. What’s going on?”

“Right.” Sean can to an abrupt stop just in front of the pool ladder. Night wasn’t a necessity; it had just taken that long to get everyone together on short notice. It was a good thing Sean hadn’t been hoping for shadows to hide in; the moon was hanging in the sky like a second sun. Was it brighter tonight? No; it couldn’t be. Yesterday had been the full moon; Sean was certain. “Okay, so…” He took a breath. “I went swimming last night…”

“No. Shocker. The former swim team star and state champion two years in a row still likes to swim.” Kavya spoke in a completely flat tone. “My heart might never recover.”

Sean took half a step forward. “Kavya, I went swimming in the Blue a-and…” Sean hesitated, registering the new tension that settled over his best friend and her family. He hadn’t said the ocean. He’d said the Blue. It was something of a trigger word for all of them. “…I had a fin again…” Sean finished in a voice so low it was almost a whisper. It hurt to admit; his entire chest ached like he’d been punched.

“What?!” Kavya screeched.

“Sean, are you okay?” Miguel frowned and stepped up beside Kavya. “Were you hurt?” He scanned what he could see of Sean’s body in the dim light.

“I’m fine!” Sean instead. “I was fine in the water too. I wasn’t drowning or hurt in any way. I just…”

It hurts when I think about them too much.

“I have no idea why I changed, but I did, and I didn’t turn back until I rolled up onto the beach and used the sand to dry off.”

“Holy, f*ck,” Kavya breathed.

Coraline and Avani shared a glance and a worried frown.

“What does this mean?” Miguel asked, looking a little lost. He knew about mer now, of course. He knew about Coraline’s past, and he’d seen Crest and Drop once.

“I don’t know,” Sean swallowed, mentally skating around the idea that they might be able to see mer again. “But we have to find out.”

“How the f*ck are we supposed to figure that out?!”

“Kavya.” Coraline placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “He should know if he’ll need to be careful about getting wet in the future. Let’s start there.”

Kavya’s eyes were wide and round and sad, the same way they’d been when she’d talked about Coraline’s depression, when she’d blamed the Blue for it and thought her mother wished she’d never become human. “…okay…”

“I’m not going anywhere Kavya,” Sean promised. “We’re going to figure this out together.”

She nodded and punched his shoulder, shoving him back a half-step. “Get in the pool, then.” She sniffled and met Sean’s gaze with steely determination. “Let’s see what happens.”

“Okay.” Sean blew out a breath and climbed the pool ladder.

Has it always been this high?

At the top he paused, shimmying the towel so he could crouch down without getting it or himself wet. It made sense to leave himself a way to dry off…but he really didn’t want to flash anyone.

“Just jump in!” Kavya yelled. “We have plenty of towels inside, dummy.”

“Right.” Sean glanced over his shoulder with a nervous smile.

Kavya pushed impatiently at the air. “Go!”

Sean went, jumping into the water with a small hop. It was nothing like the epic dives he’d taken into competition pools over the years. It was just enough to push his body towards the middle of the pool.

Mer fins really are big.

They had to be to enable the mer to survive in the water… but Sean didn’t have a fin now. His legs kicked and flailed, fighting the sodden towel that sank under the pressure of the water. Sean grunted and shoved the towel away from him before it could wrap around his ankles. God, it had been stupid to jump in with the towel on; wet heavy fabric was a big drowning risk. That was lifeguard 101.

I don’t have a fin…

“Well?” Kavya asked, lifting up on her toes to peek into the pool.

Of course. Being an above ground pool with solid walls, Sean’s little audience couldn’t clearly see everything.

“I…” Heat burst in Sean’s chest and crawled up the back of his neck, but it wasn’t the heat of transformation. His legs didn’t feel any different. They didn’t even tingle. Sean glanced down then back up. He caught Coraline’s eyes and he knew she knew. Something a lot like shame rippled through him.

“Uh, how long is this supposed to take?” Miguel asked, glancing between Kavya and Sean. Being the tallest one there, Miguel could probably see the shadows of Sean’s two separate legs under the water.

Kavya’s shoulders dropped, but it didn’t look like disappointment, more like relief. “It would have been instant. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“I’ll get more towels.” Coraline’s voice was gentle. Could she see the thread of devastation Sean was trying to mask?

Why hadn’t he changed? Why had he changed before? What did it mean? Did it mean anything? What if—

“Come on,” Avanti, held her arms out, ushering her daughter and Miguel back towards the house. “Let’s give Sean some privacy.”

Sean scooped up the towel he’d brought with him into the pool with his toe and swam to the edge of the pool to wait. Moonlight shone down behind him, cutting a clear shadow of Sean’s head and shoulders across Avani and Coraline’s yard. The image made it look like Sean was sinking into a big well of shadows.

If only I could.

Coraline was quick. She pulled the soaking towel out of the pool without comment and pressed a large warm towel into Sean’s waiting hands.

“Thank you.” As much as he wanted to disappear right now, Sean really was grateful.

“You’re welcome.” Coraline’s fingers were warm against Sean’s forearm, squeezing once in solidarity before retreating. Sean listened to her ring out the towel he’d dragged into the pool with him, and waited until she was back in her home before stepping out of the pool. He was less careful about preserving his dignity when he left the pool than he had been when he entered. The moon was backlighting him like his own personal spotlight and right now, it felt very much like it was mocking him.

Sean scrubbed the worst of the water off his skin, crouched in the shadow of the pool. He didn’t see anyone peering out the window after him, but it wouldn’t matter if they had. They’d already seen…everything.

Securing the now slightly damp towel around his waist, Sean strode back into the house, eager to pull on his clothes and leave. He’d caused enough trouble.

Everyone was sitting around the kitchen table and the silence that greeted Sean made it obvious he’d been their topic of conversation.

“I’ll be right back,” Sean nodded in everyone’s direction without breaking stride. One step at a time, just like those first days after Crest went back home. Get to the bathroom. Get dressed. Walk to the kitchen. Offer thanks and apologies. Then Sean could leave and lick his wounds in silence.

It was always so quiet when he was alone.

His shirt and shorts stuck across damp skin—he really hadn’t taken enough time or care to dry off completely—but Sean pulled them into place by force. He wasn’t going to linger here. There wasn’t any point.

A quick glance at the mirror told him he was good enough.

Good enough. Yeah, that about sums it up.

Kavya was waiting, fist raised like she’d been about to knock when Sean pulled the bathroom door open.

They both startled.

“Sorry, was I taking too long?” Sean tried to keep his voice light, teasing.

Kavya didn’t crack a smile. “No. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Fine,” Sean insisted. “I’m fine.” He spread his hands and spun around for her inspection. “Not a scratch on me. I might have given your fiancé more of a show than either of us wanted.”

“Sean.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t change.” He said it like he was apologizing for fumbling a slight of hand trick. “I’m not sure why I transformed in the ocean.” Sean shrugged, feeling every fiber of tense muscle strain across his shoulders and neck. “I guess it was just a fluke. It will probably never happen again. I mean, it shouldn’t have happened in the first place, right?”

“Sean.”

“I promise I wasn’t trying to steal any of your engagement thunder. The ring is fantastic, by the way.” He angled his head to follow the sparkle the stones reflected in the light of the hallway.

“Sean! Stop it! Stop deflecting!” Kavya burst out.

Sean stopped.

They stared at each other for a moment before the anger on Kavya’s face softened into concern. “Are you…Are you sure you didn’t dream having a fin?”

Something cold slipped into Sean’s chest. His head snapped up to meet Kavya’s worried gaze. “What?”

“Are you sure you didn’t dream having a fin?” Kavya asked again. Her eyebrows were pushing together, rippling the skin of her forehead. “Loneliness can—”

“I’m not lonely,” Sean snapped. Tension rippled across his jaw and up his neck in a way that would probably give him a headache later, but Sean didn’t care. “I have you and Miguel, your Mom’s, Dorothy, and everyone I’ve been working with. I’m fine. I’m happy.”

Kavya raised both hands in surrender. “Okay.” It didn’t sound like she believed him.

“And I didn’t dream it.”

“It’s okay if you did.” Kavya’s voice was soft in a way that grated across Sean’s nerves. “Sean I—”

“I’ve got to get home,” Sean cut her off. “I need to touch base with Dorothy tomorrow to review our game plan for a meeting with a big-name studio.”

“Sean,” Kavya rested one hand against Sean’s bicep. “You don’t need to leave.”

“I know.” Sean placed his hand over Kavya’s and squeezed. “I’m just trying to reset. What happened yesterday…” Words swam away from him across an ocean of longing. “It wasn’t what I thought it was, and I’m tired. If I get home, get a good night’s rest, I can reset and focus on some things that are actually happening.” Sean knew what he’d experienced, but if it wasn’t going to happen again…then it could be a memory just for him.

Sean stepped past Kavya and made his way back to the kitchen. He was leaving, yes, but he was not going to slink out with his tail between his legs. Three heads popped up when Sean stepped out of the hallway, and he shoved his hands in his pockets to keep himself from fidgeting. “I’m sorry I barged in and derailed your evening.” He kept talking through murmured protests. “Thank you for listening to me and letting me see if what happened last night was…something. If it was, I wanted to make sure the most important people in my life, and the people likely to be most affected by it where there.”

“We’ve always got your back, man.” Miguel stepped forward and clapped a hand on Sean’s shoulder. His smile was a little worried, or maybe confused, but definitely supportive. “Anytime.”

“Thank you.” Sean lifted one hand to squeeze Miguel’s shoulder back. “You let me know when Kavya sets the date, alright?”

“We haven’t decided yet. It’s still too early for that.”

Sean shared a brief, knowing smile with Kavya, then looked back to Miguel. “You’ll bend over backwards to make her happy and you know it.”

“I think you mean,” Miguel smiled, more at Kavya than anyone else, “that I don’t sweat the small stuff.” Dark eyes flicked back to Sean’s face. “Doesn’t mean I’m a pushover.”

Sean raised his hands. “Never said you were. You two work out the date and let me know. I’m not the decider, just the excited bestie.” Sean turned to face Avani and Coraline, Kavya’s moms and offered them a rueful smile. “I’m sorry to waste your time. And your towels.”

“It’s not a waste,” Coraline protested.

“She’s right,” Avani added, slinging an arm across her wife’s shoulders. “It was important to know for sure. Thank you for trusting us.”

Sean nodded. “Of course. Thank you for letting me…” Sean trailed off, searching for the right word. Experiment? Try? Hope?

“Skinny dip?” Kavya offered with a lascivious grin. “You know if you timed it right you could just use the club pool.”

Sean snorted with unexpected laughter. “No thanks. I don’t want to get arrested for public indecency.”

“Don’t say bad things about your body,” Kavya chided, her grin broadcasting her playful mood. “There’s nothing indecent about it.” Her grin widened. “Unless…”

“Goodnight Kavya,” Sean cut in. “Night Miguel. Goodnight, Avani, Coraline.”

A quick chorus of goodnights ushered Sean out the door into the night. “Well,” Sean muttered to himself as he fished his earbuds out of his pocket. “That wasn’t the most embarrassing thing ever.” It was fine really. He was fine. Perfectly, wonderfully, fine.

~*~*~*~

“That was epic!” Dorothy jumped up and down beside Sean like an over excited coffee bean. Her close-cropped brown hair only added to the impression. “We are getting serialized!”

Sean grinned back at her, thrilled but less physically exuberant. “They agreed to a short, three episode run to see what happens. That’s a good start.”

“It’s a great start!” Dorothy cheered. “And we’re going to knock their socks off!” Dorothy pulled her phone out of her pocket and started furiously tapping the screen. “I’m sending a mass-text. I’ve got to let the others know and start coordinating schedules, see if we’re going to be short anyone.” A little shimmy rocked her body from side to side as she typed. “You, sir are about to be a hot commodity.”

Sean smiled, because that was a good thing, right? This was what he wanted. It was what he’d spoken to Eric about so passionately before they ended. This was the start of something good for the planet, and everyone who lived here…

Dorothy’s sharp gray eyes snapped to Sean’s face, grabbing his attention. “Go spend time with your people. You are amazing at what you do; I don’t expect you to have time to visit for a while.”

Because he’d be busy with the work that he’d asked for. Documenting the wonders of the Blue and everything in it.

“I need to come back for Kavya’s wedding.”

“I didn’t know Kavya was engaged. Good for her!” Dorothy grinned and slid her finger across her phone’s screen until she could open her calendar app. “When is it?”

Sean looked away and gripped the back of his neck. “They, um, don’t have a date yet, but Kavya is determined not to have a long engagement.”

Dorothys frown was palpable, even when Sean wasn’t looking at her. “Then she needs to set the date pronto. She has maybe a week before you’re going to be off the map for months. It’s got to be a short or a long engagement and she’s got to know soon.”

This was the part of the industry Sean hated the most. The soul crushing movement of the corporate machine. Sean didn’t mind long hours. He didn’t balk at the sheer amount of work he was asked to tackle. He could even navigate long periods of travel without a second thought. It was just what the job required. But this? Being forced to pick between his job, which was also his passion, and his family? It had always felt wrong.

“I-I’ll talk to her. Let you know.”

Dorothy nodded in his peripheral vision. “Do that.” She lifted her phone to her ear; Sean could already hear it ringing. “I’ve got to get the gears turning. I’ll call you.” Her gaze flicked away from Sean and back towards the sidewalk in front of her. “Yes, hello? Roger! How are you?”

Dorothy’s long legs started to eat up the sidewalk, pulling away from Sean as he slowed to a stop.

She didn’t look back once.

The weight of Sean’s phone in his pocket threatened to pull him to his knees. He did not want to call Kavya and Miguel and force either of their hands. Their wedding should be their decision and only theirs.

Sean started walking again, hoping some movement would help clear his head. It wasn’t the fast pace which Dorothy had left, or the slow meandering pace of a sight seer. It was more of a middle ground wander that let him stare mostly at the ground. The earth didn’t have any answers for him, but his feet led him unerringly towards the Blue. Concrete shifted to sand, and when he lifted his head to look at the undulating surf, Sean felt the sting of salt in his eyes.

There was something hypnotic in the push and pull of the water. Every time one wave fell across the sand another crested…

Sean pressed his palm against the center of his chest trying to soothe the ache that blossomed there. It had been a long time since the pain had felt this sharp, but that’s just because today had been a big day. Sean had to talk to Kavya…somehow. He had to pack. Well, he had to reorganize his suitcases at the very least. He should probably take a nap too. That would help him reset and get his emotions in line. Sleep would be in incredibly short supply soon. Sean could almost feel the dull burn of fatigue spreading in his muscles already.

Or… His traitorous mind supplied. I could go for another swim.

It was a stupid thought, but it stuck. There were so many different responsibilities dragging at him and the only thing Sean wanted to do was dive into the Blue and swim away. Not forever, of course, just for now.

So much of his work focused on the Blue, all the amazing things it had to offer, and how badly humans were screwing that up. And still, Sean almost never had the chance to swim in open water. A few days ago had been the first time in…

I can’t actually remember.

Sean’s hands lifted to pull the stuffy fabric from his body. Instead of his usual cotton shirt, the prestige of the meeting had forced Sean into something much more formal and uncomfortable. It needed to go. Now. Sean stripped himself down to nothing but rolled up trousers and the boxers undeath them in less than ten seconds. The sand wouldn’t be good for his clothes, but that’s what dry cleaning was for, right?

This was a different stretch of beach than the one Sean ran to a few nights ago. There wasn’t a familiar pier where he could tuck his clothing, phone, and keys. Plus, it suddenly felt much more foolish to risk his valuables like that; even if the foamy rush of the ocean called to him…

A small group of people, teenagers enjoying the afternoon, strolled past and each one of them wore a brightly colored, waterproof wristband. It was the kind of wristband that facilities with secure lockers used as keys for anyone renting a place to store their things while they enjoyed the beach. That realization brought a fresh smile to Sean’s face, and twenty minutes later he was striding back onto the beach wearing freshly purchased swim trunks and a bright teal wristband.

The rush of water over his feet and ankles felt like a soothing balm against overheated skin, coaxing Sean deeper. He slipped under a wave and let his four human limbs carry him out into deeper water, away from the crowds closer to the shore. It wasn’t the same as swimming with a fin, but there was still something freeing in the Blue. In that moment Sean felt like the world’s biggest idiot for staying away so long before his full moon excursion.

Water rushed across his skin, lifting the small hairs across his limbs and chest. It had only been a few days, but it still felt exhilarating, like flying. Of course, a swim wouldn’t fix the problems waiting for him on land, but it gave Sean a place to shelter, even if only for a little while.

Tilting his body upwards, Sean let himself float, watching the rippling surface a few feet above him. From this angle it looked like an otherworldly portal instead of the divide where air met water. Sean lifted his fingertips and grazed the water’s edge moments before natural buoyancy lifted his head above the waves. Sean paddled in long, circular strokes to keep his head and shoulders above the surface. He was a long way out now. The urge to keep going grew in Sean’s chest like a fire, but it was one he would have to smother. Even though it felt like he just got here, it was probably time to head back. He couldn’t disappear for hours like he had that night. He wasn’t mer…and he never would be.

One last dive, and then I have to go back.

Darting under the surface, Sean used long semi-circle scoops with both arms to pull his body down. He also kicked with both legs in unison, letting the motion ripple the entire length of his body. If only he could manifest a fin at will, he could move so much faster, cover so much ground—or, water—as easy as thinking about it. But already a burning sensation was creeping in. He’d barely been under for thirty seconds. Was he losing his touch? He wasn’t in swim team shape, but Sean thought he should be able to hold his breath for sixty seconds at least…

No. This wasn’t oxygen deprivation. This was a building heat that—a burst of sensation made Sean gasp, but it didn’t feel like pulling water into his lungs. He wasn’t drowning; he was…breathing? Excitement, doubt, and apprehension swirled together in his chest, but excitement definitely won when he glanced down at saw his fin, teal and gleaming back at him like it had never left.

The whoop of excitement that flew from Sean’s lips carried through his body, fin included, and propelling him around in a circle through the water. “I knew I wasn’t dreaming!”

Sean looked down at his fin again, running his fingers across the bright teal scales, which did not, in fact, evaporate when he touched them. He had a fin. This was really happening! This was really happening. Oh, God… This was really happening! And this time Sean was much, much closer to a well populated beach.

Urging his body deeper and father out, Sean scanned the water around him, trying to come up with a plan. Now what? He couldn’t go back to shore. Even if people believed he was wearing a high-quality synthetic fin, he’d never get enough privacy to change without an audience. #Fishing wasn’t the internet sensation it had been almost nine years ago, but a fin as bright and elaborate as Sean’s would gather eyes and attention like a beacon.

Okay. He couldn’t go back to the same beach. Could he go to another one? How could he get close enough to be sure it was safe without risking being seen? Should he wait until nightfall? Would the shop keep his locker for him overnight? f*ck! He had to call Kavya, and…what?

Sean thrashed in the water, raiding bubbles all around him in fruitless exertion. What was he supposed to do? He had to get back on land, obviously, no matter how much part of him wanted to stay. Crest had doubtless felt the same pull, but they still went home. Sean had to do the same thing, and he had to do it in a way that wouldn’t risk the mer population being discovered or exploited. That, more than the deadlines or impossible demands looming over him, filled Sean with a sense of dread.

The roar of an engine cutting through the water grew louder and louder in Sean’s ears. There was a boat close by! Several by the sound of it. Damn, had he drifted into a harbor? Could he have drifted that far? Sean pulled himself deeper, staring up at the vast surface of the water that stretched around him in every direction…. There! Jet skis.

f*ck… Sean had to leave. What if someone fell in and saw him? No, that absolutely couldn’t happen. He was not putting Crest in danger. Not now, not ever. Maybe Sean could come back to the beaches at night, but right now he had to get away fast.

Sean surged through the water, letting adrenaline drive him father out into the ocean than he’d ever been before. Had he gone this far with the seal? He hadn’t been paying attention, so it was impossible to know. The water was definitely quieter now, and the space between the surface and the bottom felt cavernous. It was actually hard to see the bottom, because the light from the bright summer day wouldn’t stretch down that far.

There was something…a little unsettling about the inky blackness and Sean pushed himself up, just a little closer to the light. He was so far out now that he had some room to work with before risking anyone seeing him. If there was anyone else around. There were animals, fish, seaweed, but no more obvious signs of people, aside from the stray piece of trash that added fresh heat to Sean’s chest.

He had to think now. What was his game plan? Stay away from the beach until at least nightfall. Where there any large rocks he could wash up on and be ‘rescued’ from? f*ck, Sean didn’t know ocean topography like Avani, Kavya’s human mother. And even if he did, he’d have to time his transformation with surgical precision to avoid actually drowning, revealing mer folk’s existence, or dying from exposure. He didn’t feel the ocean chill the same way in this body…

A low, keening vibration rippled through the water, drawing Sean’s attention to the left. Sean turned and craned his head, trying to catch the tone again. It wasn’t a boat… Sean closed his eyes and swam towards what he thought he heard, straining to catch another fragment of it… whale song. It was whale song. Would the whales mind a little company? The idea of being all alone out here for hours wasn’t great… Where they the same pod with a calf that Sean had seen last time? Would it be dangerous to approach them when they had a calf?

Calf… Wait! What day was it? Would Avani be out gathering data for the university? Damnit! Sean couldn’t remember… But he had to try. Crest talked all the time about how the mer helped the Blue and the animals in it. Maybe the whales would be friendly. Worst case scenario Sean would dart away and be right back where he was now.

Sean felt the lowest vibrations of whale song in his body, which made it surprisingly easy to follow. What started as a faint, almost suggestion of sound grew into a keening Sean could feel in his bones. Visibility wasn’t crystal clear—the edges of what Sean could see were covered in a blue-green haze—but Sean squinted relentlessly until he could make out faint gray shapes in the distance. The soothing tones of the mother whale washed over Sean, calming some of the anxiety that had been simmering under his skin.

“Good job little one. You’re swimming so well. Safe. Keep going.”

The mother whale said ‘safe’ like a promise, and Sean wanted to take her up on it. He leaned towards the pod fighting with his own common sense. The pod didn’t know him, and Sean didn’t know if there was any protocol he needed to follow. This wasn’t why he was here.

Sean looked up, scanning the water that stretched out above him like a second sky. What time was it? Even if it was a day Avani would take the boat out, Sean couldn’t know if she’d already come and gone. Could he find his way to the dock the boat was stored at? Would that be a good place to make landfall? sh*t. He didn’t have any clothes waiting for him anywhere near the water. The shop with his locker wasn’t far from the beach, but Sean didn’t think he could walk several blocks naked without getting an indecency charge.

“f*ck.” How the hell was he supposed to get home now? Sean covered his face with his hands, trying to hold himself together. He could figure this out. There had to be a way.

You could go looking for other mer.

Sean clamped down on his traitorous brain, trying to smother that line of reasoning. He absolutely could not go looking for other mer. He wasn’t mer! He didn’t… Sean’s breath caught in his throat and for a moment he worried his ability to breathe underwater was fading. A few shaky breaths dispelled that particular worry. He could still catch his breath. Did this count as breathing? How did his body make the transition from water to air? How did Crest’s? Even in mer form, Crest still had the option of peeking above the surface.

Stop it. You’re getting distracted.

Despite whatever was happening now, Sean couldn’t lose sight of the fact that he didn’t belong under the water…no matter how much it felt like coming home.

“Maye I could find some seaweed or some trash bags?” Sean mused to himself. There wasn’t a lot in front of him right now, but he was sure he could find something. The only question was how he could wrap it around himself and stay dry? He’d have to dry off whatever he brought with him, and he would still be flashing his fin or…other parts of himself until he was dry.

“Why is this so complicated?” The anxiety that had bled away from him earlier was back now like a buzzing in his ear, and it was growing louder with each passing heartbeat. …wait. That wasn’t the buzzing of the blood rushing in his ear… That was an engine!

Sean dropped his hands away from his face and spun in a slow circle, scanning the water again. He couldn’t see the boat yet, but like the whales, he could hear it. He still didn’t know if it was the right boat, but he could get a little closer without risking too much.

It was easy to follow the churning rumble of the boat’s engine, both because Sean had practiced when he’d started following the whales, and because the boat didn’t belong. It was an unnatural sound, easy to filter out from the whale song and the rush of water. Also, the boat, unlike the whales, seemed to be coming closer to him. Was it really Avani? Was she following the whale song, like Sean had?

Sean tried to keep a grip on his anxiety and his excitement. He wouldn’t know until he saw. Once he saw, he could decide what to do next. Steady, strong movement from his fin propelled him forward, and in a few minutes, Sean could clearly see a disturbance in the surface of the water; the bow of a small boat.

It wasn’t small like the jet ski’s had been small, but it wasn’t the same massive profile as some of the larger fishing or shipping vessels. Sean could only imagine what a cruise ship would look like from this angle; it would block out the light for miles.

As he ascended towards the surface, Sean slipped under the oncoming boat and began to trail it. Someone could be looking over the stern as easily as the bow, but Sean hoped the odds of being seen before he was ready would be less if he surfaced behind the boat.

As much as he strained to get a good look at the boat, it wasn’t until he’d broken the surface and swam around the side that he was sure what he was looking at. This was Avani’s boat, no question. He even glimpsed what he hoped was Kavya’s profile up on the deck.

“Please don’t be seeing things,” Sean pleaded with himself. He coiled the muscles of his fin and jumped as high as he could without a running—swimming?—start. “AVANI! KAVYA!”

Gravity smacked Sean hard against the unforgiving surface of the water, making him stumble in his rhythm. He had to keep trying. Dipping low for a moment, Sean let himself build up speed before rocketing up in another jump, this one much higher than his first. “AVANI! KAVYA!” Sean kept his body arched so that his return to the water this time was seamless. He hadn’t stopped to check if he’d been heard. Sean had focused only on distance and volume, hoping the movement and the sound would be enough to draw someone’s attention. Should he try a few more jumps before he checked?

Sean risked peeking his head above water without rushing into another jump. Kavya’s drawn, horrified face stared back at him.

“Sean?!”

“Kavya!” Sean waved both hands back and forth above his head. “A little help?!”

Avani’s face came into view over the starboard railing. She looked worried, but focused. “Hang on! We’re coming for you!”

Twenty minutes, and some undignified wriggling later Sean flopped unceremoniously onto the slippery deck of the university’s boat. His fin fanned out across the space between him and the women who had rescued him.

Kavya’s gob smacked expression racked across Sean’s scales as if each one had personally offended her. Avani looked somewhat less shocked, but still captivated by the bright teal of Sean’s fin.

Sean wriggled under their stare, but he let them look, let them see what he was seeing. Slowly, both women raised their eyes to Sean’s face. Sean gestured right back down at his fin. “Now do you believe me?!”

His muscles bunched and flexed, fighting the urge to pull his legs under him and stand. He was stuck sitting on the deck until he dried off, but maybe if he flopped the right way he could fold his fin under him like he was kneeling? He tried to push up on his hand to get leverage, but the movement burned. Was he scraping his scales the wrong way?

“Sean?!”

He flailed, falling hard on his knees, which stung against the hard metal of the boat. Sean started to reach for them before he realized… he had two separate knees again… and he was still soaking wet.

~*~*~*~

“Careful!”

Water sloshed over the side of Kavya’s Mom’s swimming pool as Sean bent himself over the edge and lost the contents of his stomach.

“Dude are you okay?” That was Miguel’s distant voice. It sounded like he was backing up as he spoke.

“Damn.” That was Kavya. She sounded both impressed and concerned.

“The transformation didn’t make me nauseous at all,” Coraline murmured, “but I never switched so many times so quickly during my Journey.”

Sean gasped for air and let himself hang limply over the edge of the pool. f*ck, his head was spinning.

A glass of water hovered in front of his face. Sean followed the tan arm up to Avani’s face. “Drink or rinse your mouth,” she gestured with the glass of water. “Whatever you need. I’ve got towels waiting whenever you feel up to climbing out.”

“Thank you,” Sean croaked. He rinsed and spat a few times before he dared a hesitant sip. His stomach roiled but didn’t immediately evict the water. He’d count that as a win.

“What the f*ck does this mean?” That was Kavya again, voice slightly muffled like she was covering her face with her hands.

“I think it means Sean can change from mer to human at will,” Miguel summed up, “but if he does it too many times too quickly, he gets sick.”

Sean wasn’t even looking, and he could hear the withering glare Kavya leveled her fiancé with.

Avani’s firm voice cut through the small backyard next. “Guys, let’s give Sean a minute to dry off and collect himself. Then we can talk.”

Sean heaved himself up the pool’s ladder, only mildly concerned about flashing his family. Right now, he wanted to be dry again more than anything else. Coraline met him at the edge of the pool with a warm, fluffy bath sheet. “Thank you.”

Coraline wrapped the soft cotton snuggly around Sean’s body, smoothing her hands across his now fabric covered shoulders and arms. “Would you like a bath to warm up?”

Sean started to shake his head and immediately regretted the way it made his head swim. “Oh God.” He slammed his eyes shut and willed himself not to be sick again.

“I’ll ask Avani to get you some graham crackers and ginger if she hasn’t got them waiting for you.”

Coraline’s voice was soft and right next to Sean’s ear. That might explain the sudden darkness and the soft but differently textured fabric pressed into Sean’s forehead; he was leaning against her shoulder.

“Just breathe for a minute,” Coraline coaxed him.

Sean grumbled. He’d never wanted to be dry so badly in his life.

“I can blow-dry your hair if you want.” Coraline started to brush her fingers through Sean’s hair, releasing rivulets of water down his neck and into the fabric of the towel. “Some heat might help.”

“Mom?” That was Kavya’s voice. “What’s happening?”

“The transformations were hard on Sean’s body. We need to give him time to recover.”

Rapid footsteps swished through the grass. “Do we need to take him to the hospital.” Kavya had to be standing right beside him now.

Coraline shook her head; Sean still wasn’t looking, but he could feel the rocking sensation ripple through her shoulder. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary. Let’s get him dry and give him something to settle his stomach.”

Sean allowed himself to be led back inside, reluctantly swallowed a mouthful of medicine to settle his stomach, and slipped into the bathroom to pull his clothes back on. When he emerged with his hoodie zipped up to his chin, Sean was pleasantly surprised to see Coraline, blow dryer in hand. She ushered him into a chair in the kitchen. He let the hot air wash over him while he settled back into his human body and pretended they hadn’t just confirmed something earth shattering.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kavya asked him for the thousandth time, raising her voice above the drone of the hair dryer.

“Yes, Kavya,” Sean sighed. “I’m not hurt. I’m not sick. I’m just waterlogged and a little nauseous. Give me a few minutes and we can talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” Kavya’s question sounded more like an angry statement.

“This might help with the last of the nausea.” That was Avani, pressing a small plate of graham crackers and pickled ginger into his hand.

“Thank you,” Sean murmured, stuffing a cracker into his mouth immediately. Coraline was still blasting heat across his scalp and shoulders, and he was finally starting to feel more, well, human.

“Talk about what?” Kavya said again.

Coraline squeezed Sean’s shoulder and hit the off button of the hair dryer. “Sean’s ability to transform at will. It’s never happened before. This has to mean something.”

Kavya stiffened. “No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Her determined brown eyes snapped to Sean’s face. “You can control it, right?” The hard set of her jaw jutted Kavya’s chin forward. “So just don’t do it again. You don’t need to watch out for getting wet, so just…don’t do it. Forget it ever happened.”

“Kavya—”

“NO, SEAN!”

Kavya had yelled so loudly they’d all flinched back. Kavya shot the room at large a glower, but took a breath. “No,” she repeated, shaking her head. “This isn’t happening. No.”

“Kavya.” That was Avani. She reached for her daughter, but Kavya pulled back, glaring.

“No!” Kavya insisted. “Mer and humans are separate for a REASON! Have all of you forgotten that?”

“Kavya.” Sean turned, facing her head on. “This is important. We might…” Sean glanced between Avani and Coraline. “We might be able to do something really important for all of us, and the Blue.”

“At what cost, Sean?! What risk? Because it’s not just your life you’re risking!” Actual tears were glistening in Kavya’s eyes, and that brought Sean up short. He almost never saw her cry. Even Miguel, who’d placed a hand on her shoulder looked wide-eyed and at a loss for how to support his fiancée.

“I’m just saying we need to talk about it. I’m not making this decision alone,” Sean swallowed, trying to fight the burn in his own eyes. He hated seeing Kavya upset, but they couldn’t ignore this. “I’m not going to decide for everyone. I wouldn’t do that to your—”

“There’s no decision to make!” Kavya stomped forward a step, breaking away from Miguel. “We aren’t risking your life, we’re not risking mom’s life, it’s not happening.”

“I think…” Where Kavya had been yelling for over a minute, Coraline’s voice was barely a murmur. It still silenced the entire room. “I think we have to try and see if I’m affected too.”

“No…” Kavya whispered. Tears shook loose and started shaking down her cheeks.

“I think so too,” Avani added, pulling everyone’s attention to where she stood, leaning against the kitchen sink.

“Mom. Mummy. No…” Each word was punctuated with a gasping sob. Sean stood up but Kavya lifted both hands up, palms out, holding him at bay. Both of her shoulders drooped like she was crumpling in on herself. “Please, don’t do it.”

“Baby.” Coraline stepped forward, holding both arms out towards her daughter. “Sweetheart it will be alright.”

“You don’t know that!” Despite her harsh words Kavya launched herself at her Mom and gripped her tightly with both arms. “You don’t know that…”

Avani stepped close and wrapped her wife and daughter up in a massive hug. “Life doesn’t give any guarantees about anything, no matter what we do, but I will always love you both.”

Kavya and Coraline sniffled through their own promises of love.

Someone, Miguel, bumped Sean’s shoulder and Sean could read the silent show of support in his familiar features. They were all out of their depth a little, but he was taking everything in stride. He was a good friend and a good partner for Kavya.

“There might be some big changes for us and for the world,” Coraline continued, “But these are the kind of changes worth fighting for. We could do so much for everyone.”

Avani cleared her throat and locked eyes with her wife above their daughter’s head. “If you can change like Sean, you could see your friends and family again.”

“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t choose you every time,” Coraline promised.

“I know.” Avani lifted one hand to cup Coraline’s face. “And maybe…” She took a breath. “Maybe you don’t have to choose between us anymore.”

“L-let’s take this one step at a time.” Kavya sniffed again and wiped her face across her sleeve. “We don’t know if this…whatever it is goes any further than Sean. One person is a fluke. If you can’t change, Mom, we have to bury this.”

“And if I can?” Coraline asked, sweeping disordered strands of hair off her daughter’s face.

“If you can…” Kavya drew in a shaky breath. “Then maybe you and Sean can go to Pacifica, see what the Elders think. If you can’t change, or they kick you out, this whole thing is dead in the water.”

“Poor choice of words?” Miguel offered.

Kavya nudged his shoulder in a playful shove. “f*ck you.” Kavya was still sniffling and swallowing, but she looked a little less distressed.

“We don’t have to test right away,” Coraline began. “We could—”

“Let’s test now, please,” Kavya cut her off. “I just… I need to know.”

Coraline and Avani shared a glance and a nod. Avani slipped her hand into Coraline’s and brought it up to press a kiss across her knuckles. “Let’s go.”

They trailed after each other into the backyard. Sean watched Coraline squeeze her wife’s hand and press a kiss into Kavya’s forehead. It wasn’t until she slipped off her sandals and started to climb the ladder that second thoughts started creeping in. “Um…should Miguel and I—”

“It’s fine.” Coraline shot a smile over her shoulder. “Mer aren’t modest.”

“Mom!”

“And I’m wearing a dress,” Coraline added, gesturing down at ruffled pink skirts which went down to her calves.

Kavya huffed and crossed her arms. “Get going then.” Almost under her breath she added, “Let’s get this over with.”

Sean told himself not to hold his breath when Coraline slipped into the pool. He caught flickers of her skirt floating up in the water as she moved to the middle of the water. Her blond hair almost glowed in the near, twilight. She kept her back to them, facing the direction of the Blue. Seconds ticked by agonizingly slowly. Was she trying to transform? Was it not working? Was—

Water rippled out towards the sides of the pool in a full-circle rush. Sean took half a step forward. Kavya gasped. Coraline turned towards her family, lifting a bright pink and white fin up out of the water. She looked at the end of her fin fondly for a moment, but the bright I’ve-found-my-missing-piece smile only blossomed on her face when she turned towards Kavya and Avani.

“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t choose you every time.”

Coraline’s words, her heart was etched across her face. Looking at her, it was impossible to think she’d ever doubted her choice to stay.

“f*ck.”

Sean glanced at Kavya, who was leaning against her Mom as they stepped together towards the side of the pool. They reached out their hands in tandem and brushed a patch of Coraline’s scales.

“It’s real,” Kavya breathed. She looked at her mom’s, then Miguel, then at Sean. “You’re going to Pacifica.”

~*~*~*~

“What do you mean you’re not coming?”

Sean bit back a sigh and spared a moment to be grateful this was an audio only call. Dorothy wouldn’t see him rolling his eyes. “I didn’t say I can’t work on the project. I just can’t leave in three days. Something…personal came up. I might be free in a week or two. There are still a few things up in the air.”

“Might be free is a week or two?! Sean, darling, that’s not how this works. Either you’re coming with us, or I have to find someone at least a fraction as talented as you are without any notice.”

“I called you as soon as I knew. I’m not trying to back out of the project. I’m no longer available on short notice, but I’m still available.”

The snort that echoed through the speaker was so loud Sean had to pull the phone away from his ear. “Sean either you’re coming or you’re not. You have to choose.”

Choose.

The word rankled Sean’s consciousness. Why were so many things presented as an all or nothing choice when they didn’t have to be?

“I’m not picking between the B—between the ocean and my family.”

Dorothy made a short sympathetic noise that also conveyed her shrinking opinion of him. “Well, you’re choosing between this project and your…personal issues.” A loud sigh scraped against Sean’s ear. “That’s a shame. We could have done great things with you.”

It should have been devastating or at least frightening to back away from something he’d worked so hard for, but it was shockingly easy. A rush of excitement filled Sean’s chest when he promised Dorothy, “Great things are going to happen anyway.”

“Sure, they will, Sean, but you won’t be part of them. Not with that kind of attitude.” She let loose another ear-stabbing sigh. “Give me a call when you come to your senses. I might be able to find a dolly grip position for you or something.”

“I—” The line went dead before Sean could get the next syllable out. Sean pulled his phone away from his face and stared at the black mirror.

“Do you regret it?”

Sean’s head snapped up and he found Kavya leaning against the doorframe of her parents’ guest room, studying him. Sean had set up camp here in the few days since they’d confirmed Sean and Coraline could transform at will. Everyone was focused on planning the trip, and drafting some contingencies for what could come next.

Kavya looked so serious, and more than a little worried, but Sean couldn’t hold back his joy. This felt like a breath of fresh air, not a mistake.

“Not even a little bit.”

Kavya’s frown pushed her eyebrows together and rippled the skin of her forehead. “This could still blow up in your face.”

“Maybe.” Sean shrugged. “I might get hurt, but I can guarantee you this: Any pain I could feel will never ever compare to the regret that would come from walking away.” Kavya’s eyes widened and Sean took a few steps towards her. “Pain beats regret every day of the week and twice on Sunday. I’m not walking away. I won’t do it.”

“Did…” A mix of expressions and emotions flickered across Kavya’s features. “Did you just quote The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past at me?”

Sean tried to blink away the rush of heat that surged up his neck. “Maybe. Badly. It could have been a bastardization of the speech at the end.” Sean shuffled his feet and cleared his throat. “Am I wrong?”

Kavya shook her head. “No…” She was still studying him. “It’s just been a very long time since I’ve heard you quote a romcom at me.”

“Yeah, well,” Sean glanced away. “This isn’t a romcom, but it fits.”

“Sean?”

There was something cutting in the light tone of Kavya’s voice, but Sean refused to acknowledge it. He kept his own voice and face as flat as he could.

“Yes?”

“You’re…you’re not still hoping that Crest will—”

“No!”

Kavya’s mouth snapped shut so fast her teeth clacked together.

Sean winced and tried again. “This isn’t about that, Kavya. This is about humans, mer, and the Blue. This is…another type of conservation effort I guess.” Clearing his throat didn’t seem to be working so Sean swallowed around the knot in his chest. “The last thing I want this to be about is romance.”

“This trip,” Kavya shook her head like she still couldn’t believe it was happening, “isn’t about romance, but I could introduce you to a few people when you get back, if you wanted, give you some time to find a date for the wedding.”

“Please, Kavya. Not this again. I’m not interested.”

Her gaze hardened, pinning Sean in place. “Why not?” It sounded like an accusation instead of a question.

“Because I got the message loud and clear in High School!” Sean sucked in a big breath that definitely wasn’t almost a sob. “It’s not healthy to obsess over someone. You shouldn’t make one person your everything or the world and everyone in it will remind you what a stupid decision that was. I might have needed the lesson TWICE in high school, but I learned it. I’m not going to fall that hard or that deeply ever again, Kavya. It’s not worth it.”

Another gulp of air that wasn’t a sob.

“Romance isn’t important,” Sean instead. “Taking care of the world and the future is.”

“Sean,” a softer tone crept into Kavya’s voice. “That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a partner.”

“Maybe I don’t want a partner!” Sean snapped.

I won’t survive losing my heart again…

Kavya stepped forward and searched Sean’s face with penetrating brown eyes. She knew him better than anyone else in the world, and that was normally a comfort. Best friends should be close, but what good did that bond do if they were never satisfied? Kavya wasn’t happy when Sean fought for Domonic. She wasn’t happy when Sean wanted Crest to stay. Now she wasn’t happy that he was living his best life alone? What did she—

“You’re right.”

Sean’s eyebrows lifted right into his hairline. “Excuse me?”

“I said you’re right,” Kavya repeated herself. “I’ve been pushing you like you don’t know yourself or what you want, but you do.” Her dark brown eyes locked with Sean’s warmer ones, and Sean swore they could see right through him. “I want to protect you, Sean, but…” Kavya finally looked away and a hint of color touched her cheeks. “I think I’m smothering you instead.”

“I…” Sean worked his jaw but couldn’t force any comprehensible words out.

“Mummy’s told me before I can be a little…controlling. Miguel too actually.” She took a deep breath in and out of her lungs. Sean watched some of the tension drop out of her shoulders. “I want to keep you all safe, but I can’t, and I’m pushing you all away by trying.”

“Kavya.”

“Just come back safe, okay?” Instead of penetrating, demanding, Kavya’s eyes pleaded with him, and the faintest tremor ran through her lips. When Sean opened his arms, Kavya stepped into them and nestled against Sean’s shoulder.

“I’ll do my best,” Sean promised.

~*~*~*~

The boat rocked underneath Sean’s feet, but that constant movement did nothing to dispel the jittery sensation skating across Sean’s nerves. This wasn’t just a whale watching expedition. Today he was going back into the Blue and he wasn’t coming out again until… He didn’t know. None of them had any idea when Sean and Coraline would come back, or who they might come back with…

Stop it.

There was no guarantee they would come back with anyone. They might be kicked out as soon as they arrived. The mer in Pacifica might be unwilling to change the way they’d lived their lives for centuries. They might not be able to change like Sean and Coraline. There were too many what ifs to think past right now, and right now they were on their way into deep water.

They’d planned today meticulously. Avani had access to the boat because of the university, but she couldn’t take it out for a pleasure cruise, and she couldn’t take it wherever she wanted. Even if Coraline could navigate them directly above Pacifica from the surface—an idea she’d nixed right off the bat—the university’s GPS system would document the anomalous trip and Avani would have to answer for it.

Avani couldn’t take them all the way, she couldn’t even take them most of the way, but she could get them out past the shore, she could get them both started.

“You’re totally freaking out.” The tilt of Kavya’s grin told him she’d meant that as a joke, but Sean wasn’t about to deny it.

“Yup.” He blew out a compressed breath and lifted his gaze out over the water. “Absolutely.”

“Hey.” Sean’s peripheral vision gave him two seconds warming before Kavya’s hand made contact with his shoulder. “We can turn back.”

“We can’t.” Sean shook his head. “This means too much.”

“Sean—”

“I still want to do this, even if I’m freaking out.” Sean turned to face his best friend. “There are too many possibilities to walk away, so I’m going to do this, even if I have to do it scared.”

Kavya brought her other hand up and bracketed Sean, squeezing both his shoulders. “You remember where the drop box is?”

Sean smiled and he hoped it was reassuring. “I do.”

They’d researched and scouted out a remote stretch of beach that was still public land and left a cache of supplies in a large weatherproof chest for Coraline and Sean’s return trip. They’d stocked towels, a change of clothes and a magpie’s nest of thrift store hauls, just in case they came back with…guests. There was also a burner phone and a solar powered phone charger. Whatever happened, Coraline and Sean would be able to call for a ride home.

“And I’m the first person you’re going to call when you’re back.” It wasn’t a question.

“Of course.” Sean felt his smile stretch a little wider. Kavya was such an amazing friend. She wasn’t thrilled about any of this, but she was still standing here, supporting him. “And you can use this time to talk wedding details with Miguel.”

Kavya cast a glance over her shoulder and the lines of tension in her eyes and jaw softened into a small, fond smile. “Yeah. Good idea.”

Sean leaned down a little and whispered, “Maybe you can convince him to fly to Vegas over the weekend.”

She nudged him with her hip. “You’re not getting out of your invite; so, hurry back, okay?”

Sean bumped Kavya back and grinned down at her. They’d been almost the same height in High School, but when he’d hit college, Sean had shot up another five inches. “I’ll try not to keep you waiting.”

“I can hear them.”

Coraline’s declaration pulled everyone’s eyes to her. She was staring at the speaker that was broadcasting faint traces of whale song. Sean could hear them too, sweeping dulcet tones of a mother reassuring her calf.

Keep going. You’re safe. Stay together.

“Mom?”

Sean’s gaze snapped back to Coraline, who was wiping the edge of her palm across her eyes. “I’m okay.” She pulled a shaky breath into her lungs. “It’s good to hear the whales again after all this time.”

Avani pulled Coraline into a tight hug and whispered something Sean couldn’t hear.

“You’re really doing this.” That was Miguel, who’d moved away from the speaker to join Kavya and Sean.

“We’re really doing this,” Sean agreed, looking up at his friend and not at the somewhat heated kiss playing out between Kavya’s moms behind him. “I’m sorry we’re throwing all this at you right after you got engaged. That’s sh*tty timing.”

Miguel’s face lit up with an easy smile. “It’s all good, Sean. The world is going to keep turning, no matter who I love or what we’re going through. That’s part of the promise I offered Kavya when I got down on one knee: I want to be by her side while we’re going through it, the good and the bad.”

“You’re so sappy.” Despite her flippant words, Kavya was grinning at Miguel with obvious affection. It was impossible not to be happy for them. Kavya and Miguel were the real deal, committed to each other from day one. It hadn’t always been easy. Sean had hosted an irritable, hoodie enrobed Kavya during one or two of their worst fights, but they always came back together like they were caught in each other’s orbit. It was the same thing with Coraline and Avani. Sean didn’t have a front row seat in their marriage, but he saw glimpses of how Coraline’s depression stressed her family, and how tightly they clung to each other even when they were hurting.

Will I ever have that?

“It’s time.”

Avani’s declaration fell across the boat like a physical presence. No one spoke for a long moment after she’d stopped the boat’s forward progress. It was time. Kavya and Miguel squeezed Sean together in a breath stealing hug.

“Thank you for everything,” Sean murmured.

“Just stay safe, Sean,” Miguel wheezed, clearly feeling the pressure of their embrace.

“You better,” Kavya muttered, and it sounded like a threat.

“I’ll do my best,” Sean promised, squeezing his longtime friends close one more time before letting go.

Avani and Coraline, who had been sharing their own private goodbyes, pulled Kavya into a hug between them. Sean saw the way they clung to each other and swore to himself for the thousandth time that he would do everything he possibly could to make sure Coraline came back home safe.

The corner of Avani’s mouth twitched down, betraying unpleasant emotions. “We can’t stay too long. I have to keep following the pod.

“We can lead you back to them on our way,” Coraline suggested.

“Don’t.” Avani pressed a small kiss to her temple. “You’ve got your own job to do.”

The next part of their plan was simple, although it had taken them a while to come to a consensus when they were building it. Kavya, Miguel, and Avani wanted to er on the side of absolute safety. Coraline refused to bring any clothing into the water because what wasn’t destroyed into bits of fabric would likely be lost or discarded, further adding to the Blue’s pollution. Sean had some misgivings about traveling with his best-friends’ topless mother, but Coraline had gently reminded Sean they would both be topless, as would any mer they encountered. In the end what had been hours of debate was enacted in a few short minutes.

Both Coraline and Sean stripped down, Sean, Kavya, and Miguel avoided eye contact with anyone, and they used ropes anchored on deck to lower themselves into the Blue. Once the chilled water touched his skin Sean felt a bone deep calm steal over him. This was exactly where he needed to be.

Sean waited until he was submerged up to his shoulders to let the transformation take hold. A rush of heat and displaced water, just the space of a heartbeat, and he was grinning up and Kavya with a confidence he hoped was contagious.

“Goodbye sweethearts!” That was Coraline, stretching her arm above her head in wide arcs. “I love you!”

“I love you too, Mom! I love you, Sean!” Kavya called to each of them.

Miguel was standing close to her, one arm wrapped tightly around her waist. He called out his farewell to both of them, “Good luck!”

“Stay safe love!” Avani blew a kiss overboard, and Coraline’s answering smile was so big Sean could see it in his peripheral vision.

Sean bit back a thousand reassurances he wanted to make but couldn’t guarantee. In the end he settled on a broad declaration of, “I love you!”

Coraline and Sean shared a brief smile and nod before diving together under the surface. Sean’s skin simmered with nerves, but he took in a slow breath—or whatever counted for a slow breath under the water—and followed Coraline’s lead. It had been almost 30 years since she’d swam in the Blue this way, and she’d told Sean she would need some time to get her bearings. Sean didn’t mind following after her in silence. He needed some time to gather his thoughts.

So much had changed in less than a week, and now that they were finally on their way, there was nothing left to distract Sean from the pull he felt in the center of his chest. Before Sean was sure he could transform at will, and even while they’d been planning what to do next, it was easy to focus on logistics and tell himself that the rush of excitement was only because of the conservation possibilities that might open up for everyone. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth either. Despite Sean’s protestations to Kavya, there was one name, one face, one person who’s been swimming at the edges of his thoughts before Sean had even gone for that fateful full moon swim.

Crest.

Sean knew he wasn’t supposed to think of them with the kind of anticipation that had been racing through his veins, but he couldn’t help it. He tried to deflect, but he felt it every time his pulse kicked up into a trot.

You never forget your first love, huh?

Except Crest hadn’t been Sean’s first love. That had been wasted on Dominic, and Sean hadn’t thought of Dominic for at least eight and a half years. Dominic hadn’t been a distraction or a shadow of the past, following Sean on all his biggest adventures and every first date. Dominic wasn’t someone who was impossible to forget.

But the past had to stay in the past. Sean had let himself search for a partner. Crest could be married to Drop for all Sean knew. Or maybe they had welcomed a number of partners into their heart by now. So many things could have happened, and none of it was Sean’s business.

Crest would have returned from their Journey as an Elder in their community. They might be one of the people Sean and Coraline would meet with when they arrived in Pacifica. Sean had to convince them that something important was happening, something that shouldn’t be ignored. Letting ghosts from the past creep in would only be a distraction.

Coraline brushed Sean’s fin with her own and spoke to him. “I’ve found my bearings. If we push hard, we might be able to arrive before the next sunrise. Are you ready to speed up?”

The pace they’d kept so far felt like a lazy stroll. It was nothing compared to the headlong rush Sean had experienced when he’d tried to stretch his fin muscles that first night, and nowhere near as fast as he’d gone when he’d raced the seal.

Sean nodded. “Lead the way.”

Coraline studied him for a moment, her long blond hair forming a halo around her oddly smooth expression. Sean would have found the experience eerie, but Crest had told him mer were more deadpan with their faces and most expressive with their tails. Coraline face wasn’t completely blank. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, and her mouth twitched with an emotion Sean couldn’t read.

Her transformation had changed her in more ways than just the addition of a fin. Sean still wasn’t looking at anything other than Coraline’s face or her fin if he could help it, but it was impossible to miss the way her body had shifted into something more neutral in the binary spectrum. She still help feminine qualities, but she was definitely no longer human.

“Tell me if you’re getting tired,” Coraline commanded. “If you need to rest at any point, we can stop for a while. Do not wait until you’re exhausted; we have to avoid being separated.”

Sean nodded again, and then wondered if some flick of his fin would have been more aligned with mer communication. If there was some expected body motion he didn’t know it.

I’ll have to figure everything out by doing, just like Crest did.

“I’ll let you know if I need to stop,” Sean promised.

Coraline’s face remained mostly impassive, but she nodded back at Sean and turned her body to the left. Sean mirrored her and swam slightly behind her once she started moving. Coraline built speed slowly, but it wasn’t hard to keep pace with her. Sean deliberately kept himself slightly behind so he wouldn’t have to play catch up if she turned suddenly. Even so, Coraline never let Sean fall more than a torso behind without glancing back or brushing her fin with his. Eventually they settled into a rhythm that brushed their fins together every third flick.

When they started to move in tandem Sean realized his earlier plan to stay a full mer length behind Coraline was probably a very human way of thinking about movement. There wasn’t a reason to make any sudden turns in the Blue unless they were avoiding an unexpected obstacle. Visibility wasn’t great, both because the water was sometimes murky, and because they were pulling farther and farther away from the light at the surface. Even so, Sean seemed to have a sense about the terrain around them.

More than shadow sight, or whatever mer sense gave Sean an understanding of their surroundings, the deeper they pushed into the water the more Coraline’s fin started to glow. It wasn’t every scale, but there were definite lines of some kind of phosphorescence along her fin. A quick glance back showed similar glowing lines across Sean’s fin. It wasn’t bright, but it was enough to light their immediate surroundings and to help Sean keep Coraline in sight during the beats when their fins didn’t brush.

When he’d imagined their Journey Sean had anticipated feeling alone, disconnected, or even a little anxious about the sheer mass of water pressing down all around them. This was the complete opposite. Sean felt Coraline swimming beside him like she was an extension of him. Even when they moved through dark water they were never alone. Sean caught glimpses of other glowing sea life that shone in the dark water like stars in the night sky. That greater sense of belonging settled over Sean again and he basked in its warmth.

The more Sean saw the more Crest’s prejudice against humans made sense. Not only were they loud, self-centered, and massively gunking up the Blue with trash and other pollutants, they were also a lonely species. Touch and unity had pervaded even Sean’s small experiences as a mer, and that made the isolation he’d walked through that much sharper.

I don’t want to be this lonely forever…

If they were successful, none of them would be alone in the same ways they’d been before. That was the mission. That was the one thing Sean couldn’t lose sight of.

~*~*~*~

“We’re close now.”

Sean startled out of the almost meditative rhythm he’d fallen into. His muscles hummed and burned with exertion. It felt like a long Journey and a short one all at once. Sean’s new body was made for this kind of travel, but his actual muscles weren’t used to the exertion. Sean’s old swim team training had come in handy. He’d let his focus become the rhythm of his body, blocking everything else out. He’d told himself that Coraline was depending on his next move just like he was counting on hers to feel the brush of her fin, and know they were still connected, still working to reach Pacifica together.

“You’re sure?”

Coraline squinted into the dim light around them and slowly nodded. “Yes. It’s been a long time, but I think we’re…a few minutes away?”

“Okay.” Sean’s heart kicked up in rhythm and he had to fight the urge to speed ahead. Coraline was his guide here. If Sean rushed ahead like he wanted to, he’d probably just get them both lost.

I could be seeing them again in a few minutes…

Sean squeezed his hands into fists, trying to channel the wave of jittery energy washing through him. His whole body buzzed with a sense of calling and anticipation that washed away any sense of fatigue. It was this same rising expectation that had kept Sean transfixed by the edge of the underwater cave Coraline had insisted they try to rest in for a few hours. Coraline, at least, had been able to sleep.

Coraline banked to the right and Sean followed, skirting around a massive rock formation and through a low patch of seaweed that reminded Sean of tall grass. They were swimming horizontally, and close to the ground. The seaweed was packed just closely enough to make him wonder if he should worry about getting tangled in the longest strands. This distraction meant he didn’t realize Coraline had stopped until he bumped into her.

“Oof! Sorry, sorry.” Sean pulled his body to the side so that only the edges of their fins were brushing, still murmuring apologies. “That was dumb, I was just…Coraline?”

She was staring straight ahead with ridged fixation that raised the alarm bells in Sean’s head. Was there a predator? Did anything prey upon the mer? What was—

Sean sucked in a sharp breath. They were on the edge of a cliff or maybe a crater. The ocean floor fell away beneath them, maybe 1,000 meters down. The depression continued in an arc on either side of them as far as Sean could see and in the center was a large group—school?—of mer. Each one had a different but stunningly colored fin that glowed the darkness around them.

“Woah…” Sean stared, slack-jawed at the pod of mer below them, every hair still left on his body rose alongside a wave of gooseflesh. They did it… They were really here. There weren’t any buildings or anything that looked like it disturbed the natural layout of the Blue, but Sean was still awestruck. Mers clustered together in different groups, talking or working on one task or another. Others swam up and out of their little depression on missions that Sean couldn’t begin to fathom.

There were so many different colors of scales and fins. From his far away vantagepoint Sean could see fins that were red, yellow, green, blue, silver, gold, black, tan, white, and several fins that appeared to be combinations of different colors. It was a kaleidoscope of color that shimmered like cut glass in the sunlight. Sean crept forward a few inches, leaning over the edge to see if he could spot the one color he wanted to see most…

“S-sean?!”

That’s their voice.

Slowly, as if he was moving through a quicksand dream, Sean pulled himself upright and turned around.

Crest.

There they were. They were less than a fin’s length away. After all these years, all the distance, and every stupid reason they’d had to say goodbye, Crest was right there. The ache that had been building in Sean’s chest pulled him a few inches closer. It was a small movement, but it still felt like the water was spinning around them.

Crest’s expression was a study in astonishment, wide amber eyes haloed by their bright orange hair. Sean’s breath caught in his throat when he saw a hesitant smile creeping across Crest’s mouth, like they were happy but afraid to believe what they were seeing.

“Hey, ha—” Sean’s fingers twitched against his palms, quashing the urge to reach out and touch Crest. What was he doing? Had he seriously been about to greet Crest with the same flirty line he’d used when he first met Dominic? Did Crest even like being called a gendered term like handsome? Would they prefer beautiful? Or stunning? Because they were all of those things and Sean wanted them to feel appreciated and respected.

Wait. He wasn’t here to flirt. He wasn’t here to rekindle…anything.

God, I have got to stop staring.

Sean cleared his throat and tried again. “Hey, Crest.” It felt so good to say their name, their real name. It must have felt good to hear it because Crests’ eyes light up and their hesitant smile took more of a foothold across their lips.

Don’t stare at their lips.

Stop staring at their lips.

Oh, my God; stop staring at their lips!

Before Sean could get his eyes to cooperate with his demand, a pale chest blocked his view. Sean dragged his gaze up a muscular chest and shoulders to narrowed violet eyes. Drop crossed two massive arms across their chest. “What are you doing here?”

“I—”

“Drop.” That was Crest. Their voice was filled with protest, and they’d gripped Drop’s bicep with one hand. Well, as much of Drop’s bicep as they could grip. Drop had filled out and gotten at least three inches taller—longer?—than when Sean had last seen them. Crest had grown a little too. Neither of them had changed radically, but they both looked more solid, full adults instead of standing on the cusp of adulthood. Sean had probably changed in similar ways, now that he thought about it. He’d become even more of, as Kavya put it, a teddy bear.

Drop shrugged off Crests hand and turned their sharp expression back on Sean. “What are you doing here?” They repeated.

Sean straightened. He had to stop forgetting the mission. “About a week ago I started being able to transform at will.” Sean glanced briefly down at his own teal fin. “I came to speak to the Elders about what this means, and I didn’t come alone.”

Coraline swam up beside Sean, just as he turned his head to look for her. She stared ahead with an unreadable, reserved expression. If this was hard for Sean, what must Coraline be feeling? Without thinking about it, Sean brushed his fin against hers. She glanced at him, and her expression softened.

Soft murmurs drew Sean’s expression back towards Crest and Drop. They weren’t alone. Sean hadn’t noticed before, but now he could see a small group of younger looking mer—if they were human Sean would suspect them to be elementary school aged—peeking out from behind the two Elders. How common was it for them to see mer that didn’t live in Pacifica? How much did Sean and Coraline stand out?

“Coral?”

Another adult mer, older than Crest and Drop, and with a ruby red fin, swam around the pod that had gathered and floated towards Coraline. “Coral, is that you?”

Coral. It was, as all mer names seemed to be, more than a word. It was the sound of countless small, vibrant lives clustered together. Something about the sound of Coral reminded Sean of home and security.

“Hello Swish.” Again, the mer’s name was a sound like a fin cutting through water. The edge of Coraline’s lips twitched upwards. “It’s good to see you again. My name is Coraline now.”

“It’s really you?” Swish asked, staring at Coraline wide-eyed. Rust colored hair floated around their head, fanning out in all directions as if it too was standing up in surprise.

The smile that had been threatening broke across Coraline’s face and she nodded. “It’s really me.”

Swish swam a little closer and brushed their fin across Coraline’s. The gesture reminded Sean of two friends holding each other’s hands.

“Why did you come back? How are you able to come back?” Swish asked.

Coraline shrugged and the gesture only seemed to confuse Swish more. Coraline took a breath and clarified, “I don’t know why I’m able to transform. I wasn’t the first. Sean changed several times when he was swimming in the Blue. It took us a while to realize he could do so at will just by concentrating, and once we knew that I had to try too.”

“And you came home?” Swish’s face was more impassive even then Coraline’s, which was a little unsettling to watch, but their fin and their body broadcast something hopeful, eager.

“My home is on land now.” Coraline’s body language softened and her smile gentled. “I have a wife and a daughter.”

Swish’s fin curled in a way that, somehow, telegraphed confusion. “Wife? Daughter?”

“I have a partner who I love very much, and we raised a young human to adulthood together.”

“And now you’re back?” Swish asked. “The Blue gave you your mark for raising the human child after all this time?”

Coraline shook her head and held out her bare, markless arms for inspection. “I never got my Journey mark, and I wouldn’t give up my life on land if I had. I love my wife, my partner, and my daughter. They’re my family. I came back to help Sean,” She glanced Sean’s way and Sean felt the weight of their eyes, and the mer behind him, settling on him for a brief, uncomfortable moment. “We think the Blue granted us the ability to transform for a reason, and this might be an opportunity to help mer, the Blue, and Humans in a way that hasn’t been done before.”

“That’s right.” Sean drifted forward, instantly wondering if he shouldn’t have inserted himself into their conversation. The weight of many eyes was on him again, but now that he’d started he had to keep going. “We think this could be the start of a mer and Human partnership to help the Blue and each other.”

Swish’s face didn’t give anything away, but the roll of their shoulders and the flick of their tail made Sean think they were considering his words.

“That’s why we came,” Sean pressed on. He should have added his voice to Coraline’s sooner. He was the one pushing for this mission from the beginning. “Coraline is the only one who’s been to Pacifica before. She led me here so we could share what’s happened with the mer of Pacifica and decide together what happens next.”

Silence settled between them and stretched into a tight, uncomfortable moment. Finally Swish shifted, swimming away from Coraline and back towards the drop off into Pacifica. “I’ll tell Elder Kelp you’re here.”

Swish darted away, leaving Coraline and Sean alone with Crest, Drop, and the gaggle of young mer clustering around them. Sean tried to scan the crowd of mer and take his cue from them. He could have actually asked them what comes next, but his eyes kept catching on Crest’s face and a weak-kneed feeling would steal his voice away.

Crest was staring back at him, wide amber eyes looking dazed and…lovely. Sean would have known the lines of their face anywhere, even if they’d changed and matured with time. They were still Crest.

A muscular shoulder clipped Sean’s view and he followed the pronounced line of muscle up to Drop’s glaring face. Right. Drop still hadn’t moved from their guard position in front of Crest. Drop had every right to be protective because Sean had been supposed to stay on land and in the past, but he hadn’t.

One of the mer children with a blue/green fin and matching seaweed colored hair broke away from the others and swam right up to Sean and Coraline. “Hello!”

Coraline lifted her fin in apparent greeting. “Hello, child.”

Sean approximated kneeling down to the child’s eye level as much as his mer body would let him. “Hello. My name is Sean. What’s your name?”

The mer child gave Sean a shy smile behind their hands and glanced back at Crest and Drop as if asking for permission. Sean kept his gaze neutrally between the mer child and the two Elders, trying not to unfairly influence their decision. Could he influence their decision? Was their history a benefit or a detriment to this Journey?

“I’m Rush.” The sound of the mer child’s name was part falling sand, part rapidly flowing water.

“Hello Rush. It’s nice to meet you.” Sean smiled as he said their name. There was something deeply satisfying about being able to say their name properly. It made Sean feel like part of him belonged, like there was hope in connecting the mer world with humans and keeping it connected this time.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Sean.” They frowned as they worked their mouth around his name. They said it perfectly, mer magic for languages in effect, but it was obviously a strange sound for a name in their experience.

“Let’s get moving.” That was Drop, stern and demanding. “Crest and I will drop you off with Elder Kelp.”

One of the other mer children began to speak, “I wanna—”

“No.” Drop wasn’t yelling, but there was steel behind their answer. “Sean, Coraline, stay by me. Crest, make sure we don’t have any stragglers.”

“Okay.”

It was impossible to read any emotion into Crest’s response, they’d sounded so neutral. Were they neutral about this? Was this any other day for them? Was Drop trying to keep them away from Sean?

Does it matter if they are?

That’s not what you’re here for.

Sean turned after Coraline and kept perfect pace with her and Drop as they swam into the heart of Pacifica. Again, Sean was struck by the natural majesty of their surroundings. Rocks, patches of kelp, and clusters of sea life drew Sean’s eye, one to the next, and the next. It could have been any other depression in the ocean floor, but it felt…different. The air—wait—water buzzed with energy, or it felt like it did. Then again, so much of this trip, when he wasn’t exhausted, felt like an expedition to a fantasy world with unfamiliar geography.

No wonder Crest couldn’t decide to stay on land…

Drop stopped abruptly in front of a wide opening on the far rock ‘wall’ of Pacifica. It looked like the opening of an ocean cave, much larger than the one Coraline and Sean had rested in on their way here. Sean was so busy peering into the faintly glowing shadows he could see from the mouth of the cave, that he slipped a few inches past them before he could stop himself. Quickly and somewhat awkwardly, Sean shuffled back beside Coraline, pretending he couldn’t see Drops cutting glare.

“Stay here.”

It was the kind of command that might be issued at a disobedient child, but Sean only nodded. He was the guest here and they had every right to ask him to leave and never come back.

Please don’t ask me to leave…

After another long moment of glaring, Drop turned and led the small pod of mer, including Crest, away along the rock wall outlining Pacifica. Sean made himself look expectantly at the mouth of the cave instead of watching the mer leave him behind. He was here on a mission, not to reminisce with an ex… He had to stay focused.

An exclamation and clattering sounds echoed out from the cave. Sean glanced at Coraline, who half held up her palm, gesturing at him to wait.

He didn’t have to wait long.

Elder Kelp flew around the mouth of the cave with such velocity that they almost barreled into the two of them. Their bright red tail seemed to be leaking color across their human half, especially their face. “How?!”

Coraline’s lips twitched in Sean’s peripheral vision. “We’re not entirely sure, Kelpy. That’s why we came to speak with you.”

Graying hair, tinged with red, seemed to puff out a little further in all directions. “This doesn’t happen!”

Coraline held both hands out and down, bringing attention to her fin in a partial shrug. “It does now.”

Elder kelp twitched, fin flicking out and turning them partially away from Coraline and Sean.

Sean stared at their profile, and that hard, angry lines of their face. He’d only met Elder Kelp once before for a few minutes, but they’d seemed very calm then. From what Sean remembered of Crest’s descriptions Elder Kelp was usually calm and methodical, always teaching younger mer what they needed to know. This breech in what Elder Kelp knew to be the laws of reality had to be jarring. Hell, it had sent Sean, and everyone else around him, into a tailspin for almost a week!

“It was shocking for us, too, Elder Kelp,” Sean began, trying to keep his voice low and soothing. “When it first happened, I thought it was a fluke.” Sean glanced again at Coraline who nodded encouragingly. “But we experimented and found Coraline, and I could both transform at will.”

“Experimented?!” Elder Kelp sputtered, shooting angry glances between Coraline and Sean while still keeping their body in profile towards them. “At will?!”

“Yes.” Sean kept his voice firm. “We had to, for your sakes.” He gestured at Elder Kelp and some of the other adult mer that were hovering nearby. “Once it had happened once, I had to know if I needed to avoid getting wet in front of other people the same way Crest had to avoid getting wet on their Journey. I had to know if a careless action from me could risk exposing you. The last thing I want to do is expose you to danger, or take an important choice out of your hands.”

The adult mer around them moved closer, forming a semi-circle around Sean and Elder Kelp. Had they been eavesdropping before? Had Sean’s gesture broadcast that this conversation was meant to include them all and given them permission? How different was mer culture from human culture? Sean hoped he would be allowed to stay long enough to answer some of those questions.

“Then you should have left well enough alone!” Elder Kelp insisted. “You can control it, right?”

Sean nodded and glanced over at Coraline. “We both can, yes. We thought—”

“Then control it! You made your decision years ago, Sean, and so did you, Coral!”

“Coraline.” She wasn’t agitated in the same way Elder Kelp was agitated, but there was an edge of steel in Coraline’s voice. Mer or human, she was who she was, and Sean was proud to have her by his side.

“Coraline,” Elder Kelp repeated, the edges of his mouth curling in a way that almost seemed like a sneer. “You shouldn’t have brought Sean here. You shouldn’t have come back. Your life is on land. That was the choice of your Journey, and you made it. Coming back like this…” Elder Kelp shook their head. “It will only confuse the young ones.”

“As they should be,” Coraline affirmed. “This is an unprecedented situation, Elder Kelp. We are all confused.”

Elder Kelp blustered, releasing a stream of bubbles from their mouth. “If you’d stayed with the humans, you would not have to be confused.”

“This was too important to ignore,” Sean cut in. Elder Kelp straightened in place, but Sean kept talking before they could start speaking again. “I think this means something important. The Blue saved those shipwrecked humans all those moons ago, and has helped shelter mer for a reason. There has to be a reason for this too.”

“What could that possibly be?” Elder Kelp did not sound impressed,

“This could be our chance to come together.” Saying it out loud, speaking it into existence made fresh hope tingle under Sean’s skin. “Mer and Humans could work in the open together for the Blue and for the earth. This could be the start off—”

Elder Kelp swished their hand through the water, waving away Sean’s argument. “Two people isn’t the start of anything.”

Sean’s fin twitched, propelling him forward a few inches. “You don’t know that it’s just us.” He glanced around at the mer that were listening. “Has anyone who’s not on a Journey ever thought to try?” Low murmurs rippled through the growing crowd that told Sean they hadn’t even considered it. “This,” Sean gestured at his and Coraline’s fins, “Isn’t something that just happens from my experience. Coraline and I have to concentrate to trigger the transformation.”

The hard, flat lines of Elder Kelp’s expression broadcast their irritation. They wanted to be done with this and get back to business as usual. “Then let’s see if any of the mer here share this…fluke.” Elder Kelp raised their chin, projecting their voice out over the crowd. “Everyone, take a few moments now to concen—”

“Not here!” Sean saw his own fear reflected in the faces of startled mer all around him. “Please don’t try to transform here,” Sean pleaded. “This water is too deep for a human to survive, and humans need air to breathe. If you want to test my theory we should swim to the surface.”

Elder Kelp’s eyebrows crept towards their hairline while the rest of their face looked almost board. “How convenient.” They scanned the crowd around them again, as if pulling the other mer into their confidence. “Sean does not want to expose our secret, so naturally he wants us to surface and transform out in the open.”

“I don’t—” Sean’s teeth clacked together when he forced himself to stop and take a breath.

“Yes?” Elder Kelp leaned forward. “You don’t what?”

Sean’s jaw started to ache from pressing his mouth closed. Emotion burned in the center of his chest, but he breathed through it. This mattered, but if he kept pressing, he would lose his audience.

I can’t go back. This can’t be for nothing.

“Elder Kelp,” Sean tried again, keeping his voice as calm and measured as he could manage. It still sounded too tight and strained, but at least he wasn’t yelling anymore. “You and the mer of Pacifica know these waters better than I ever could. We do need to be near the surface to test my suspicions, but where we surface should be entirely up to you.” Sean swept his arms out, hoping to convey a collective ‘you’. “The mer would know the safest, most secluded space to explore if the Blue is calling us all to a new way of existing together.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sean saw Coraline nod and smile in encouragement.

Soft whispers grew into low murmurs around them, and Sean let a smile of his own slip free. If they were talking it meant they were thinking about it. It meant he had a chance.

Sean was tempted to keep talking to Elder Kelp, but Crest had told him there wasn’t one leader for the mer. They collectively relied on their elders, everyone who had returned from their Journey with their Journey Mark. Turning to face as much of the crowd Sean asked them, “Who should I follow to the surface?”

“I’ll lead the way.”

Sean turned towards the voice, which was not Elder Kelp as he’d been halfway expecting. Swish, the mer who had first greeting Coraline with her mer name had come out of the sea cave and positioned themselves slightly in front of Elder Kelp. For just a moment Sean wanted to say they were related, because they both had red hued fins. That couldn’t be the case, of course, because of how mer babies came to be, and the longer he looked, the more differences Sean spotted. Swish’s coloring was darker, more purplish-red and Elder Kelp’s fin was brighter, more fire-engine red. Also, Swish’s body language was more neutral, more curious, while Elder kelp’s body held strong lines of rigidity and tension.

“Are you ready to go now?” Swish asked. They stared at Sean with thoughtful eyes a few shades deeper than their fin.

Sean nodded. “Absolutely.”

Swish kept their gaze locked with Sean’s for a few beats longer, then lifted their face to address the mer around them. “Only Elders should go with us, and some will need to stay to help the younger ones.”

“I’ll stay.”

Sean didn’t have to turn his head to recognize the deep timber of Drop’s voice. They didn’t sound angry, exactly, but there was something like defensiveness in their voice.

Swish lifted their fin like a human might lift their hand in acknowledgement. “Thank you, Drop. The young ones will feel safe with you nearby.”

Several other voices rang out, in tones that felt fairly neutral, voicing their intentions. Elder Kelp grumbled that they would have to come to ‘see this madness for myself.’ Many called out that they would stay for the young ones or some other task that needed their attention, and a handful of Elders readily agreed to follow Swish. There was a moment where Sean swore he’d heard Crests voice, but had they said they were staying or going? It had been hard to hear in the rush of voices and Sean tried to tell himself the details of their answer weren’t anything to get worked up over.

In the end they had a group of almost twenty mer ready to swim to the surface. Sean stayed silent during the brief organization, letting the mer decide for themselves how they wanted to approach this test. Swish was clearly setting the direction for their travels, but again there seemed to be no one decider in what would happen. Mer named Bubbles and Breach commented that Elder Tsunami, who was apparently out at the moment, would want to see this for themselves when they returned. Jet was eager to transform, but Splash and Churn argued that Sean and Coraline should transform first to prove their story before any of the mer tried.

Swish waited until their group was formed up and had settled on what would happen when they reached the surface before swimming to the front of the group and reminding everyone to stay together.

“Let’s go!” Bubbles cried, clearly excited.

With a flick of their fin, Swish was off. Sean followed with the rest of the mer. Swish didn’t call instructions behind them, but the gentle turns and dips they made as they moved were easy to follow. It wasn’t long before the rhythm of the mer moving together in a gradually sloping route towards the surface started to create its own current, speeding their Journey.

Sean expected to be left apart from the mer swimming with him, but they pressed just as close to him as they did each other. Each mer swam in formation, close enough to brush fins, but not so close they were in each other’s way. It felt like swimming while holding hands, which was a stupid analogy, because Sean knew he’d never be able to swim this well while actually holding hands. But there was still a sense of…closeness that Sean hadn’t expected. Crest had talked about how much of mer life was an interconnected community, but Sean still hadn’t expected to be welcomed like this. Did it count as welcome that they weren’t making him swim alone? Or where they penning him in so he couldn’t escape? They might have been, possibly, but that suspicion felt much more human than mer.

Sean couldn’t help his suspicion, but he also recognized it as a reflection of the human condition on land.

No wonder Crest wanted nothing to do with us Humans.

A streak of Orange moved in Sean’s peripheral vision and his heart thudded hard against his chest. Crest? Was Crest coming to the surface with everyone else? It shouldn’t have mattered, but Sean couldn’t deny the way it made his travel weary body tingle to think that Crest would be part of this with him, even if they were only one Elder of many. It felt right somehow, that they could be doing this together.

The light around them slowly grew and Sean was suddenly grateful that they were ascending at an angle which gave his eyes time to adjust. Once the surface was distinctly visible, Sean had to fight the urge to rush up; it wouldn’t set a good precedent for the cooperation he was hoping to establish between their peoples if he broke away from the group just because he was impatient. They would get to the surface together, and everyone would see what Sean already knew: The rules of the Blue were changing.

The last ten feet up felt like the slowest ascent in the history of oceanic ascents. The surface loomed above them like a silver mirror full of promise and possibilities, but the mer around him inched along until they had come to a complete stop. Swish’s gaze swept their small crowd and they nodded to themselves before poking their head up above the water. Sean itched to reach up and touch the air with his fingers, but he held back until Swish leaned back into the Blue and said, “All clear.”

Cool air kissed Sean’s face and it tasted sweeter than he remembered. Had he really just spent over a day without breathing?

“Alright.” That was Swish again, directing everyone’s attention back to Sean. “Show us what you can do.”

The weight of almost 2 dozen eyes shifted to him and Sean swallowed around his smile. “Okay.” He wiped his palms across his fin, as if he were dusting off the scales…under water. “Right.”

Sean took a breath and let his arms paddle in slow circles. Muscle memory kicked in immediately. This was the same way he moved when he was treading water to listen to coach from the pool during swim practice. Except in those moments, he was also kicking his legs. Sean closed his eyes and pictured moving his legs in tandem with each other, as if they were one muscle. It was a challenging exercise without a fin. Even when he was in competition shape Sean would often—water rippled out around him until it kissed his face. Sean spluttered and switched to alternating kicks to keep his head above water.

“Sean!”

Crest’s face burst into Sean’s field of vision when he opened his eyes. Another moment and their arms were locked around him, holding Sean up above the water’s surface.

“You can’t drown!” Crest’s face was drawn tight with apprehension. It wasn’t hard to understand why. The last time they’d been together in the water…

“I’m okay, Crest,” Sean promised, gripping them back with steady pressure to show he wasn’t drowning or panicking. “I just needed to find my sea legs, I guess.”

Crest didn’t laugh at Sean’s terrible pun. They didn’t show any signs that they remembered the human idiom he was referencing; they were too busy scanning Sean’s face and body.

“I’m okay,” Sean repeated. “The transformation doesn’t hurt; it just changes how I swim.”

“Your lips are blue.” Crest’s frown was creating little ripples in their forehead that Sean itched to smooth away with his fingers.

Instead, Sean let his thumbs rub small circles into Crests skin while he tried not to shiver. “I’m not in danger, the water’s just cold. It was warmer down by Pacifica.”

Crest nodded and loosened their grip a fraction of an inch. Their hands rubbed up and down Sean’s forearms as if trying to warm them. “There’s heat from volcanic vents near Pacifica.”

Sean smiled, despite himself. It was so good to see Crest again, to talk with them, even just for a moment. “And I don’t think I felt it as much when I had a fin?”

“Our scales are good insulators,” Swish clarified, drawing Sean’s attention back to the crowd of mer around them.

Right.

Stay focused.

“What activates the change is concentrating on it,” Sean explained, trying to speak to the crowd as a whole. “I have to picture what it’s like to move with a fin or with legs and really focus on those sensations.”

“It is the same for me,” Coraline added. Sean peered around Swish and saw Kavya’s Mom paddling with both arms, and the faint hint of legs kicking under the water. Sean turned back to Swish without looking any harder.

“Now that you’ve seen the proof that we can transform, will you try for yourselves?” Sean did his best to keep his question general and not demanding. None of this would work if he tried to force it.

A low murmur swept through the crowd, and the faces around him started to harden with some inner retreat. Anxiety knocked hard against Sean’s chest. If they said no…

Crest’s hands squeezed tight moments before the water around them rushed up and out in a massive ripple. Sean spluttered but kept his head above water. Crest wasn’t as lucky, dipping down below the surface with a surprised yelp.

“Crest!” Sean pulled them up through the water and pressed them tightly to his chest. He was starting to lean onto his back so he could support them both when Crest pushed away and started treading water on their own.

“I’m okay,” Crest insisted. “It just surprised me.” The corner of Crest’s mouth twitched, and Sean caught a glimpse of skin where fin used to be as they kicked under the water. “Sea legs, like you said.”

Sean fought his own smile. “Let me know if you need help.”

“Woah!”

Sean barely had time to turn towards the cry before another ripple of water sloshed against him, nudging him back. This wasn’t as strong as the displacement that had shaken him and Crest, but he wasn’t anywhere near as close to the mer that now broke the surface and rolled onto their back to show off their legs and feet.

More ripples followed, creating a microcurrent of fresh waves around them as one mer after another transformed. Expressions of concentration and apprehension morphed into astonishment and wonder all around them. Watching each mer take the emotional leap, trust Sean’s experience and what he’d shared with them enough to try for themselves solidified Sean’s resolution that this was exactly where he was meant to be. Every smiling face felt like another flicker of hope for the partnership Sean hoped to build.

“This is amazing!” Swish enthused, splashing around in the water with their friends after they too made the switch from fin to legs.

“This is nonsense!” A flash of red cut through the water. It was Elder Kelp. They might be the only mer who hadn’t yet transformed. Their indignant exclamation brought a hush to what had been excited chatter.

“Kelpy.” That was Crest and the tone of their voice was an admonishment.

Warmed by Crest’s support, Sean faced Elder Kelp directly, refusing to flinch under their hard stare. “What’s ridiculous about it?” He wasn’t being snide or flippant. He wanted Elder Kelp to be an equal partner in this, just like all the other mer, and that meant listening to their objections.

“We’re all sitting ducks out here like this!” Elder Kelp spluttered. “These human bodies,” Elder Kelp’s arm cut through the air and the water encompassing the entirety of their group, “aren’t meant for the Blue!”

“I wasn’t trying to prove that they were.” Sean kept his voice low and even, fighting a smile because he didn’t want Elder Kelp to think he was making fun of them. “This was just a test to prove that Coraline and I can transform at will, and to see if the mer could do so as well. And it worked!” Scanning the crowd, Sean let his lips curl up with hope and pride at the possibilities he hoped the others could see. A few faces smiled back at him.

“This gift from the Blue means that mer and humans don’t have to be separated anymore. We could do so much more together, learning from each other and pooling our resources, than we could ever do alone. We can work together to make meaningful changes for everyone.”

A low but excited murmur started to rekindle in the crowd and Sean beamed. He was winning them over!

Elder Kelp did not look impressed. “You’re really swimming there and trying to tell me that human’s wouldn’t try to carve us up as science experiments the first time they saw us shift?”

That flat, cruel question doused the flicker of excited murmurs like a splash of cold water. Sean felt something heavy settle into the pit of his stomach. If people were this easily swayed one moment to the next, how could he ever convince enough to commit to something much more serious than this first mission of Sean’s visit?

“None of the humans who knew who I was were like that!” Crest’s voice was adamant at Sean’s back. The sound of their voice, their defense of humans, made something in Sean’s chest squeeze tight, but he couldn’t turn around. He had to stay focused on the mission.

“There are too many humans in the world to tell you want they would all think, or do, or try to do. I’m not saying it would be easy to be known by humans, but I do think it’s important to use this gift,” Sean lifted his foot out of the water for emphasis, “to help the Blue and the earth in new ways.”

Elder Kelp’s face was as impassive as granite. “And if this risk costs us our place in the Blue by way of extinction?”

Gasps rippled through the crowd and Sean clenched his jaw. That was the last thing he wanted. “What I’m suggesting doesn’t have to be all or nothing.” Sean scanned the crowd as he spoke, speaking to all the Elders who’d come with him. “None of us are at risk of being exposed by the water; we’ve just proven that. I’m not asking anyone to come back with me and declare themselves to the human leaders. I’m asking you to consider what mer and human could do together. If you decide to act on this with me, you would decide what comes next, and what you chose to reveal.”

“Now you want us to live in secret,” Elder Kelp scoffed.

“I want you to decide for yourselves,” Sean snapped back, staring Elder Kelp down. “I want you to keep deciding because it’s not just one decision. You could live on land as human. That might be a good start to get a better understanding of how humans live than your Journey’s could give you. You could choose to start making a difference from inside human culture. Maybe you would decide to stay in secret, maybe you would decide to slowly reveal yourselves. Maybe you would decide to declare your presence and intention right from the beginning. Whatever you do, it’s your choice to make.” Sean took a breath and looked out at the faces of mer all around him. “I’m just asking you to think about what I’ve said, what’s happened, the possibilities that are open to both of us, and decide what you want to do next.”

Sean made himself wait in the silence that followed until the cold water around him made him start to shiver in earnest. The water beside him splashed up across his neck as a hand gripped his shoulder.

“Maybe we should change back now?” Crest’s lips were starting to turn blue; clearly, they were feeling the cold as well. Amber eyes locked with Seans brown ones. “It will help warm you up.”

“Crest is right,” Swish declared, projecting their voice across the crowd. “We should transform back and return home to Pacifica.”

Sean closed his eyes and tried to ignore the burning sensation that filled them. He felt Crest swim closer, or maybe it was the jostling of the waves that moved them. Either way Sean leaned into the fleeting brush of their skin against his, seeking comfort. He’d come all this way, risked so much, left so much behind, and now he was going to have to leave and pretend it had never happened?

The next breath he drew was like fire in his lungs, and Sean hoped the salt water on his face would disguise his emotion. This hurt worse than losing Crest at the end of their Journey, because there had been a chance for something lasting and now Sean was losing all over again.

“Once we’re warm and fed,” Swish continued, and Sean braced himself for goodbye, “we can welcome our guests and begin talking about the options in front of us.”

“W-what?” Sean must have looked as shocked as he felt, because Swish’s smile was soft and encouraging.

“This isn’t a decision we can make lightly, Sean. And we have a full moon in 10 days that will herald the return of our newest Elders. We will also use that night to welcome merbabies to take a place in Pacifica for everyone we’ve lost since the last Blue Moon. After that is complete, we will give you your answer.”

The answer wasn’t no?

They weren’t sending Sean home right now?

Sean took a slow breath to keep his voice steady. “Th-thank you. Thank you very much.”

Swift nodded. “I would like you and Coraline to use that time to share your experiences with us. You both have unique perspectives that will help us decide.”

“Yes.” Coraline and Sean shared a glance and a smile. They’d spoken at the same time.

“Whatever you need,” Sean added, turning back to Swish.

“Excellent.” Swish’s smile wasn’t broad, but it was warm and open by mer standards for facial expressions. “Let us begin the Journey home.” They closed their eyes and water immediately rushed out in a circle around them, displaced by the magic that restored their fin.

Without prompting, another cascade of ripples burst from the crowd as one mer after another transformed back to the same form that they’d swum up here in. Sean got a little caught up in watching until the current knocked him back against another person—Crest.

“Careful.” Strong hands braced against Sean’s shoulders steadying him in the water.

“Sorry.” Sean counter-paddled and managed to turn to face Crest. He smiled when his eyes caught on their stunning face. Sean could feel that his smile was wide, and exuberantly happy, but he couldn’t help it, especially when Crest started smiling back at him.

A fresh burst of cold water burst across both of them, a fresh reminder of the frigid water all around them. It was cold enough it could be life threatening, wasn’t it?

“We should change back so we don’t keep anyone waiting.” The warmth Sean thought he’d glimpsed had bled away from Crests voice, and their face. They didn’t look angry, just…distant.

Sean nodded, trying to shift his expression into something more subdued and serious but still friendly. He had no right to want Crest’s eyes on him. “Right.”

Crest transformed quickly and muttered a quick goodbye before they darted over to Bubbles, who was just completing their own change.

Sean watched them go and told himself he needed to stay focused on the mission. He was asking for earth-shattering changes. He couldn’t afford distractions. If Sean was going to succeed it would mean convincing the mer and the humans that the way things had always been didn’t need to be the only way. Pulling salty air into his lungs, Sean closed his eyes and let the thrum of transition sweep over him.

~*~*~*~

Sean had anticipated he would struggle for opportunities to plead his case to the mer around him without seeming pushy or aggressive, but every moment in the Blue defied his expectations. The moment he arrived back from the surface he was put to work alongside the other mer as if he was already one of them. Every step of the way mer showed more trust than any human would and Sean was both grateful and humbled. It was that giving spirit Sean hoped the humans could benefit from, whether or not they would know they had mer to thank for those lessons.

Every task or chore put before Sean was an opportunity to connect that he didn’t want to waste. He knew he probably required more instruction and supervision than most mer his age, but no one, except maybe Elder Kelp, seemed to resent it. Elder Kelp was never cruel, but there was obvious suspicion in their eyes and rigidity in every gesture they made towards Sean. They made no secret of the fact that they wanted Sean gone, and Sean couldn’t blame them. He was asking them and every mer to rethink the way they’d lived their lives for hundreds of years. What Sean was asking for wouldn’t be easy or safe, but he still thought it was worth it.

The first few days of his diplomatic mission were spent directly helping the mer of Pacifica. Sean spent time foraging for seaweed, tending to wounded sea creatures, and answering every question put to him about humans and life on land. At first it was only the Elders asking one or two things between other tasks they were helping him with. Slowly, some of the younger mer, those poised to leave on the next Journey Moon, started to approach Sean with questions of their own.

After three late evenings, Elder Pearl invited Sean to give a few lectures during human classes for the next generation of would-be Journeyfins. Sean happily answered questions, gave advice, and explained nuances of culture and idioms for hours. The classes were quickly crashed by many of Pacifica’s Elders who wanted to refresh their understanding of the human world they’d left behind. Sean tried not to get ahead of himself, but he couldn’t deny the way every mer who showed interest left him feeling tingly with excitement and anticipation. He did his best to give an honest representation of life on land and reminded everyone he spoke to that his was only one perspective of many; he couldn’t possibly know or share everything. Would it be enough to convince them to try to bridge the gap between human and mer?

Please let it be enough.

The littlest mer children also shot Sean curious glances, but Drop, who seemed to have appointed themself the personal guard of merbabes, always ushered them away before curiosity could turn into action. Sean tried to take the rejection with grace, but he worried how Drop’s animosity and Elder Kelp’s fear would affect the decision he was waiting for.

Another welcome distraction came on the fifth day when Elder Tsunami, who had the magic of passage, invited Sean to travel with them to speak with the other mer pods of the Blue. At first Sean had argued that he and Coraline should go together, but Coraline and the Elders pointed out that Sean would have more of an impact speaking alone as the first human given the gift of transformation.

Sean allowed himself to be persuaded and used the audience he was given to speak with even more mer about what was happening and what he hoped it meant. Most were curious, some, like Elder Kelp, were fearful, or like Elder Swish, cautious, but no one was outwardly hostile. It became necessary for several more trips to the surface to prove what he, and every single adult mer were now able to do.

The answer Sean received for his efforts was always some variation of: We need to think about it.

It was understandable, practical even. Sean wasn’t asking for something small. Maybe he should have felt more anxious or eager for a final answer, but he didn’t. Every day he felt a growing pull drawing him deeper into the Blue. Every new vista was unexpected and wonderful in ways maps and pictures could never have prepared him for.

Was this…something like what Crest had felt during their Journey? Sean hadn’t been here for a full week yet, and he already felt torn. He did not want to be forced to choose.

Swimming in the Blue made Sean feel like part of it, connected in a way that humans seemed to struggle with. That sense of connection bled over into an ironclad commitment to community and the greater good. There didn’t seem to be any ruling persons or class; everyone was just mer working to survive and make the Blue a better place.

Imagine what we could do if humans and mer started working together.

That was the heart of what had driven Sean into the Blue and towards Pacifica, but it wasn’t something he could force. If it was going to work like it had the potential to, it had to be something they chose. So, Sean kept himself busy. He traveled with Elder Tsunami, lectured at human classes, spoke kindly to anyone who would listen, and dove headfirst into any and every mer task put before him whether he was at Pacifica or one of the other large mer pods.

As active as Sean was, he barely caught another glimpse of Crest. Not that he was here to see Crest, but he couldn’t help but be aware of their absence. It hung across his heart like a physical presence. The few times he did see them it was at a far distance, or a flash of orange as they left an area he was just entering. Mer, as Sean was learning, were often busy, each one working with their personal gifts to benefit everyone. It was also common to rotate tasks in order to utilize all the various strengths of every mer. Even so, Sean didn’t seem to have the same series of near misses with any other mer he encountered. This was starting to feel…personal.

Are they avoiding me?

Am I hurting them by coming here?

Do they think of me at all?

As much as he told himself not to, Sean was consumed by thoughts of Crest. When he wasn’t battling his own worries, or catching furtive glimpses, he was inundated with conversation about Crest or what they’d accomplished from the mer he talked to. If Sean corrected human slang in the human classes someone would say, “I told you Crest was right about that!” When Sean helped tend coral reefs by removing trash or transplanting broken branches, other mer told him Crest had scouted beaches that were regularly cleaned which were best to leave the trash on. Before there had been a system of funneling the trash into the great pacific garbage patch, just to consolidate it. Crest had championed a change that kept the trash out of the Blue all together and allowed it to be properly recycled or stored by humans. Crest had taken steps to make a meaningful difference in the Blue because of what they learned on his Journey. Crest hadn’t done that for him, of course, but it warmed Sean’s chest all the same. He was proud of Crest and he couldn’t manage to find two seconds to tell them.

Would it matter if I did?

Do they even want to hear from me?

Is this stirring up old memories and…feelings for them like it is for me?

Sean shook his head to break out of another fruitless thought spiral. It didn’t matter what he was feeling. Crest and he had made their decision a long time ago and it wouldn’t be right to try to backtrack now. Crest had a life in the Blue and a partner who was obviously feeling more than a little defensive.

“You’re falling behind.”

“Sorry.” Sean fumbled the rock he’d been using as a cutting implement and shot Drop a sheepish smile Drop’s stony expression didn’t waiver when he dropped a fresh load of seaweed into the massive net they’d brought with them. They turned and swam back towards the stretch of seaweed they clearing without another word.

Biting back a sigh, Sean turned back to his own patch of seaweed. He had to stop letting his attention drift like that. He was supposed to be putting his best foot—fin?—forward, not making more work for anyone. Gathering a fresh clump in his hand, Sean bent to cut the long green weeds free. It was more of a workout than he’d thought at first, but this was his seventh seaweed gathering session and he was starting to get the hang of what helped and what didn’t.

Sean let the momentum of the seaweed breaking free carry him around towards the net. Some of the smaller, finer strands brushed against his wrist as he moved through the water. They were whisper soft, like hair, against Sean’s fingers as he gathered them into the net.

Crest’s hair is softer though.

The thought stung like an unexpected blow and Sean jerked his hand back.

God, what is wrong with me?!

His progress back towards the seaweed was brough up short by a tugging sensation at his wrist. Glancing down, Sean saw the soft, small strands of seaweed had curled around him like they were trying to hold his hand. Seaweed didn’t have sentience, that Sean knew of, but this could have been a coordinated attack. He had to peel individual strands off three separate fingers before he was free. Sean rubbed his fingers against his own palm as he turned back to the seaweed pack, trying to rid himself of the feeling that someone was holding his hand.

I want to hold their hand again…

One slippery thought was all it took to flood Sean’s mind with images of Crest’s fingers intertwined with his. It made his palm and fingertips ache. He bent to cut more seaweed and felt the burning ache fill his lungs until it suffused every cell in his body.

I miss them. I miss talking to them. I miss seeing them smile. I miss—

Sean ripped his next stalks of seaweed with more vigor than was strictly necessary. If his mind didn’t want to cooperate his body would have to force the issue. He was here to build bridges, to explore possibilities, and to help both mer and humans. He was not here to steal more time for something he couldn’t ever have again.

They’re with Drop.

You saw them together when Kavya almost lost her lucky cap.

It’s been almost a decade and you’ve moved on because you can’t go back.

Hadn’t he?

Sean tried to force his mind to take up a silent chant that would block out stupid, useless, foolish daydreams.

It’s over. It’s over. It’s—

“DROP!”

Crest burst into the seaweed patch with wide frightened eyes. They were swimming so fast they barreled right into Sean when he straightened.

“Woah!”

Crest braced their hands on either side of Sean’s shoulders. Sean locked one around Crest’s waist and kept the hand with the cutting rock flung wide so he wouldn’t accidentally hurt them.

“What?!”

Crest and Sean collided against the hard, broad muscles of Drop’s chest, which wasn’t as malleable a target as Sean had been. Drop pushed back against Crest and Sean, bracing them both with a hand on each of their shoulders to stop them where they were. The instant everyone was stationary, both of Drop’s hands flew to Crest’s face and waist, blocking Sean out.

“What’s happened, Crest?” Drop asked. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Bruised purple eyes swept across the features Sean had spent more than a few spare moments being distracted by.

“It’s Rush! They swam too close to a school of tuna and got caught in a net! I had just enough blessing of passage to get back to you. We—” Crest gulped their next breath through a sob, “We have to get them out now or—”

“We’ll get them,” Drop declared. Already the water around Drop was starting to swirl and bubble; the beginning of passage magic. That must have been Drop’s gift from their Journey.

“Take me with you!” Sean insisted.

Crest goggled at him and Drop glowered.

“We don’t—”

“Take him too, please,” Crest begged. “There’s no time to argue and he might be able to help.”

“Fine.” Drop’s hand was a vicious claw around Sean’s bicep, dragging him close seconds before the passage magic hurled them all through the water. Light, darkness, and the sensation of pressure flushed across Sean’s body, leaving him dizzy and disoriented in the stillness that followed.

“There!” Crest cried, clearly not sharing Sean’s symptoms. They gestured with their whole body because they were already starting to swim forward. Drop shot after Crest and after a few forceful blinks to sort his vision, Sean surged forward, desperate to make up ground. He could see the shadow of the fishing boat already, looming large and ominous on the surface of the Blue.

“DROP! CREST!”

Piercing wails of distress drew Sean’s gaze to a tiny, pale arm stretched out through the holes in the net. Even smaller fingers stretched wide, scrabbling at empty water until Crest and Drop were bracketing the mer child trapped behind the tick ropes of the net.

The growl of the electrical equipment and churning water was nearly deafening, but Sean could see the merchild’s chest heave with terrified cries. Drop and Crest were tugging and hacking at the net, trying to create an opening that was just inches bigger than what they had. Each heartbeat, each second lifted them higher and closer to the human fishermen on the boat. They had less than a minute to escape, if they were lucky.

“Get the Tuna to swim down!”

Drop didn’t stop or look away, but Crest’s eyes lifted to Sean’s face, even as their hands stayed busy. “What?”

“Can you get the Tuna to swim down? If they work together, it could buy us more time.”

Crest gave a jerky nod before bending low over the net. Sean couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he saw their mouth working.

“We don’t have time for games,” Drop roared, still straining at the net.

“I’m not playing,” Sean shouted back, trying to be heard over the noise around them. He reached forward and jerked the net like he was trying to pull it out of Drop’s hands. Drop tugged back hard and bared their teeth at Sean.

“Pull with me,” Sean begged. “Keep this part of the net tight between us, and try to pull down with the Tuna at the same time. It will help us cut a hole and could give us more time.”

Crest darted around them, here and there across the massive net, and already Sean could feel the current around them shifting. The Tuna were listening.

Drop glowered, but they didn’t waste time fighting. Sean worked right next to them, both dragging their cutting rocks across the rigid fiber of the net. Each second crawled and flew, distorting time and convincing Sean that any second they would be spotted. Any moment they would break the surface, still trying to free the desperate mer child that was right in front of them but still out of reach. Tension drew tight until it snapped, recoiling through Sean’s arm and shoulder as the net finally, finally gave way.

Rush flew, screaming, into Drop’s arms. They spun away together into the deep, pushed out by a mass of rapidly fleeing Tuna. Sean was swept up in the rush, battered on all sides and carried away in a whirlwind of hard tail-slaps and rough scales.

A hand found Sean’s in the onslaught and he held on, letting them drag him out of the fish fray and towards calmer waters.

“Are you alright?”

That was Crest’s voice, warm and worried, still shaky from the adrenaline of the rescue.

Sean squeezed their hand in his. “What about you?”

Crest’s worried frown shifted as their eyebrows rose towards their hairline. “I didn’t just get fish slapped.”

“Y-you’re supposed to swim wide when a school of fish panics,” Rush spluttered between hiccups. They were still huddled and shaking in Drop’s arms.”

Sean let himself smile and dropped his voice into a low, soothing range. “Good thing I had you guys looking out for me. I’ll try to remember that next time.”

“There won’t be a next time!” Drop bristled.

Rush whimpered and dove back into the crook of Drop’s shoulder.

Damn it. Having a temper was one thing, but couldn’t Drop see they were scaring Rush? “Drop—”

“Let’s get back to Pacifica,” Crest cut in. “Rush could use some food and quiet to rest.”

One aquamarine eye peeked out between small fingers. “Will you stay with me, Drop?” Rush asked.

The harsh lines around Drops face eased into something softer. “Of course, Rush.” Drop adjusted them in his grip and smoothed his hands down their spine. “We can grab some fresh seaweed, and I can tell you the story of the otter before you rest. Would you like that?”

Rush nodded and closed their eyes, nestling against Drop now instead of cowering.

“Come on,” Drop glanced at Sean and Crest. “Let’s get back.”

Crest swam closer, tugging Sean along until they formed a loose group hug around Rush. Water swirled and bubbled, tugging them through the Blue this time instead of hurling them. Could Drop control how rough the passage was by how quick they were trying to move? Or did this just feel gentle in comparison because Sean was crashing from adrenaline? Passage didn’t feel great with Elder Tsunami, but Sean had assumed that was part nerves on his part.

Their arrival at the edge of Pacifica left Sean dizzy and disoriented, and this time there wasn’t a demand that he push past it immediately.

“You get used to it,” Crest promised, giving Sean’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.

Sean tried to nod, then groaned and pressed his forehead into their shoulder. “How long does that take?”

“I don’t know.” Crest sounded far too amused. “I grew up following Elders with passage magic.”

Sean grumbled and Crest had the audacity to chuckle at him.

Exclamations of concern and joy pulled Sean’s attention back towards Pacifica. Drop had carried Rush back home without waiting for either of them. It made sense that they wouldn’t wait for Sean, and maybe they were a little too rattled to think about Crest right now.

Drop and Rush were immediately surrounded by other mer who stroked their tails and spoke softly to each of them. Sean couldn’t make out words, but the murmured voices were soothing even on his broken nerves.

“Rush will get lectured and a little spoiled tonight.”

Sean glanced over at Crest, who was smiling after Drop and Rush with easy joy. The peace on their features sent a jab of guilt through Sean’s chest.

Why did I ever ask them to give up something that is so clearly part of them?

It was wrong to keep them away from Drop and the rest of the mer any longer. Sean cleared his throat. “I—uh, should go get the seaweed we left behind.”

Warm amber eyes slid to Sean’s face. “Want some help?”

“Y-you don’t have to do that. It’s—”

“I want to,” Crest insisted, turning away from Pacifica. They started to swim forward, then stopped short and looked back at Sean over their shoulder. “Unless you’d rather be alone?”

“No.”

The word was out in the water between them before Sean could think about it. Despite propriety and his own better judgment, Sean knew it was the truth.

“No, I don’t want to be alone.”

A smile crept across Crest’s features, and they held out their hand to him. “Then let’s go.”

It was impractical to swim with joined hands, which was why the gesture was so uniquely human, and Crest had offered it without any apparent second thought. Their fingers were considerably warmer nestled between Sean’s than the seaweed had been.

“Thank you for your help saving Rush,” Crest murmured, squeezing Sean’s hand tightly.

Sean squeezed back. “I’m glad they’re okay.”

Crest and Sean swam slowly, almost drifting in the direction of the seaweed fields Sean and Drop had been harvesting earlier. It made it much easier to hold hands, and it made the trip take significantly longer, stretching out the stolen moments of their silent companionship.

Was it okay to swim with Crest like this? Sean remembered Crest talking about mer customs, and how it was common to stay close or brush fins. Did this count as another friendly gesture that humans overcomplicated? It was hard to tell himself it was when Crest had spent the last 10 days ignoring him. Had Crest been ignoring him? Or was Sean jumping at shadows? Sean had had weeks on land and the long slow Journey to Pacifica to brace himself, but Crest had no warning at all that a part of their past was going to pop up out of nowhere.

“I’m sorry.”

Crest turned to look at Sean, bringing their forward progress to a halt. “Why? What for?”

“I…” Sean sighed, letting his gaze fall back to the sand beneath them. “I kind of barreled into your life again without warning and started asking for some radical changes. I still think those changes could be the start of something amazing, but it’s also a lot to take in. I’m sorry.”

“Sean,” Crest leaned down slightly, probably trying to catch Sean’s gaze without forcing him to look back up. “I’m not angry at you for coming to Pacifica. I’m proud of you.”

“Proud?” Sean’s head snapped up, brown eyes colliding with warm orange that sparkled like the setting sun.

“A lot of humans would have used transformation powers for their own benefit, or ignored them.” Crest’s smile tugged at something tender deep inside Sean’s chest. “But not you. You’re not selfish like that. You gathered all the information you could, came all this way to warn us that something had changed, and offered us the chance to decide how we wanted to respond. Your first thoughts were about protecting mer and using this new gift to help others.”

Crest shook their head and half turned, pulling their hands back to their chest. “You didn’t come here to stir up the past, Sean. You came to make a positive impact on the future, and I—” Crest turned their face away, so that Sean couldn’t even see their profile. “I didn’t want to distract you or get in your way.”

Sean watched Crest’s fingers curve around their elbow as they wrapped their arms around their middle.

“I really wanted to see you.”

Again, the words were out before he could think better of them; a truth he shouldn’t have spoken out in the open where it didn’t belong. Crest turned back to face Sean, wide eyed and cautious. Of course, they were guarded. Sean was making it sound like Crest was the reason he’d come back, instead of the mission Crest had been so proud of Sean for championing. And Crest had a partner Sean shouldn’t—wasn’t trying to pull them away from.

“I-I’ve just been so busy,” Sean rushed to explain, trying to course correct. “I’ve been focused on seeing and talking to as many mer as possible. I want to do everything I can to make sure everyone has the information they need to decide what to do. And I’m trying to learn about life in the Blue so I can better understand what I’m asking.” Sean shrugged and told himself the rush of heat he felt up his neck and across his face was not a blush. “Plus, I didn’t want Drop to be even angrier at me than they already are.”

Crest blinked and tilted his head to one side. “Drop isn’t angry with you. Why do you think that?”

“I uh… Well, because…” The heat across Sean’s cheeks was starting to burn. He blew out a long breath and tried again. “They didn’t seem pleased to see me when I got here. They’ve been keeping the merchildren away from me. And then you were avoiding me, so I thought they…felt threatened? By our history I mean.” Sean took another breath. “Sorry, that was stupid. I know there’s nothing for them to be threatened by.”

“No, there isn’t.” The words shouldn’t have stung, so Sean tried to pretend they didn’t. Crest’s expression was an enigma, but they sounded…amused? Was the idea that there could be something for Drop to be threatened by so unthinkable that it was funny?

“Drop has been protective of the young ones since they became an Elder,” Crest continued. “They feel a calling to be one of the caregiving mer.” Crest was definitely starting to smile again. It was a fond, sweet expression. Drop clearly had a special place in Crest’s heart. Of course they did. “One of the many parents we all have.”

Sean nodded, trying to loosen the stiff muscles in his neck. “I remember.”

“Our way of life might be about to change in a big way, and I think Drop is trying to help the young ones feel safe by keeping everything they can the same right now.”

A heavy feeling dropped through Sean’s core. “Drop is against breaking mer isolation.”

Crest shook their head. “I don’t think they’re against or for it. They’re nervous about what this could mean for the young ones. They want to prepare and protect them.” That stupid fond smile was back. “They’re still working on accepting that learning by doing, even if it means making mistakes, isn’t always dangerous.”

A pang of guilt twisted inside Sean’s heart. Now wasn’t the time to be caught up in his own feelings. “I wish I could make this safer for everyone.”

Crest’s warm amber eyes met Sean’s like a caress. “You can’t control everything Sean, none of us can. That’s why we learn when we’re little to go with the flow.” Crest sighed and let their arms fall to their sides. “It took me a long time to understand that going with the flow is a reminder to find balance where we are instead of surrendering to anything and everything that happens around us. Perfect is a prison, and we are still responsible for making choices that guide our experience. Sometimes that means doing what scares us, because the important things are worth fighting for. That’s why I’m proud of you; I know coming to Pacific couldn’t have been easy.”

Sean’s mind flashed back to his last phone call with Dorothy.

“Give me a call when you come to your senses.”

“There were some sacrifices, but it was worth it.” Right now, with Crest right in front of him, Sean had no regrets. “Even if the Elders send me home and nothing changes, it was worth it to try.”

Crest drifted a few inches closer. “I don’t think you’re going home with nothing, Sean.”

“You think the Elders will want to connect with the human world?”

Bright orange strands of hair waved in the water like tropical seaweed when Crest nodded. “Not all of them, and they will probably leave an option for anyone who wants to stay in the Blue to remain as they were before. And I don’t think they’ll want to be 100% open with humans about what’s happening at first, but I do think they’ll approve a path for those that want to build bridges to build them. Mer don’t try to keep people who don’t want to stay.”

“Go with the flow,” Sean murmured.

“Exactly.”

Crest was close enough now that Sean could see the individual flecks of gold in their iris.

“So…”

Sunset bright eyebrows lifted on Crest’s forehead. “So?”

Sean shouldn’t have spoken, but the word had trickled out like water through a cracked damn, making way for the question that pushed out after it. “Is it okay if we don’t specifically avoid each other?” This wasn’t a good idea. Sean had a mission, Crest had a partner. They could be allies without being friends or—

“I’d love that.” Crest’s smile broke free like the sun pushing past the clouds, and Sean couldn’t help but beam back at them.

“Great.”

“Great.”

They bobbed together in the silent deep of the Blue.

“Um,” Crest licked their lips. “We should get going before an octopus or some other prankster finds the net of seaweed we left behind.”

“Right. Yes. Thank you.” Sean brushed some imaginary spiders off the back of his neck. “Let’s go.”

They weren’t holding hands when they started swimming again, and it was fine. They’d eaten up a fair bit of time talking and there was still seaweed that needed harvesting, misadventure or no misadventure. Sean felt the aching pulse in the center if his chest but he breathed through it and focused on the task at hand. He had a job to do, a mission to focus on. His heart…was going to feel whatever it was going to feel. If almost a decade and thousands of miles hadn’t changed things, logic wasn’t likely to help now.

It was fine.

He was fine.

Perfectly, wonderfully…fine.

~*~*~*~

Crest was a near constant presence after Rush’s rescue and the talk that they shared afterwards. They shared meals with Sean, and began accompanying him to the human courses, joining in on some of Sean’s anecdotes. They offered their prospective, as someone who wasn’t so many years distant from their own Journey, when Sean spoke about the possibilities that could evolve from a mer and human alliance. They joined him on his last few missions to the other major mer pods. Crest even convinced Drop to introduce Sean to some of the younger mer; under Drop’s supervision of course. This was more than an alliance, or it felt like it. Especially when Crest started using Sean’s rare free moments to show him some of the most beautiful sights in the Blue.

Currently they were drifting together through a massive kelp forest that reminded Sean of the towering redwoods north of Los Angeles. Teal and turquoise twilight seeped around enormous green columns, stealing Sean’s breath. It was like swimming through a fairytale, or an ancient place of magic.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?”

Sean looked over at Crest, a splash of ethereal orange glistening in a forest of green. Words almost caught in his throat again, but he managed to croak out, “Stunning.”

Crest smiled at him like they were sharing a secret, and in a way they were. This was part of the world Crest had grown up in, and now Sean was getting to see it, be a part of it himself. Happiness glowed like a second sun in Sean’s chest, but it couldn’t block out the looming reality of tonight’s full moon.

Tonight would complete the first moon cycle that Sean, and supposedly every mer who had completed a Journey, could transform at will. It was the two week mark since his arrival in Pacifica, the night the newest set of Elders would return from their Journey, and it might be Sean’s last night in the Blue. Tonight, after the return of the newest Elders, after the ceremony to create the next generation of mer, Sean would receive the mer’s decision.

Many of the mer were sleeping in today, in preparation for celebrations and ceremonies tonight. That was the main reason Crest had been able to take Sean out father than they’d been able to go before; there was nothing left for Sean to do but wait. He’d talked and visited as much as he could, and now it was up to the mer to decide what they would do with the information Sean had brought them. Nerves danced in Sean’s stomach like frantic guppies whenever he thought about it for too long. Maybe that’s why Crest had suggested this particular field trip; they were both too keyed up to sleep.

“Are you nervous?”

Crest tilted their head as they looked at Sean. “More excited. The Elders are going to say yes to a larger presence on land. There are too many benefits for them to walk away. The Blue doesn’t grant gifts like this,” Crest gestured at Sean’s fin, “for no reason.”

Sean flicked his fin, trying to divert the flush he could feel spreading from skin to scale. “I meant about the ceremony after the Journeyfins return to take their place as Elders.”

Tonight would be a night of many firsts. Not only would Sean be the first human present for the return of Journeyfins turned Elders and the welcoming ceremony to bring forth new merbabes that followed, it would also be Crest’s first time participating as one of the eight Elders summoning new life into the mer community of Pacifica.

“Oh.” Crest was silent for a long moment, looking up at the green tufts of kelp that sprouted from the parent column which rose towards the weak sunlight. In a small voice that was barely a murmur they said, “A little?” They brushed their fingers through their hair and sighed. “I know the magic, I’ve practiced as many of the components as I can without actually completing the spell, and there will be four more experienced Elders helping us newer ones.”

“I think you’ll do amazing.”

Crest smiled and nudged Sean’s shoulder with their own. “You can’t know that.”

“I know you’ve trained for this,” Sean countered. “I know it’s important to you, so you’ll give it your all. Even if you hadn’t had time to prepare, I think you’d be fine. I remember how quickly you adapted to life on land during your Journey.”

Sunset orange eyebrows lifted towards Crest’s hairline. “You mean the part where I transformed in front of you, and when I transformed again on Hollywood Boulevard?” Crest shook their head again, but their smile stayed firmly in place. “Is that video still online?”

Sean shrugged. “Once something’s online it’s usually there forever. Generally, the longer something is up, the less people search for it, though.”

Unless they’re me and lonely after a breakup…

“Hashtag fishing hasn’t trended since my senior year of high school, so I think your safe.”

“I’m safe because of Kavya’s quick thinking,” Crest countered. Their tail brushed against Sean’s as they swam. “And because of you.”

“Me?” Sean spluttered, eyebrows knitting together. “How did I help keep you safe?”

The look Crest gave him was arresting, stopping Sean in place like a physical grip. “You believed me.” Crest murmured the words like a prayer, as if that act alone had shaken the foundations they thought they had understood about human behavior. “You kept my secret. You filled in so many of the gaps the human classes never prepared me for, and you took the time to show me part of what life on land had to offer.”

“I was trying to convince you to give this up.” Sean glanced at the wonder all around them, frowning at his past self. “Idiot.”

“You aren’t an idiot.” Crest’s voice pulled Sean’s gaze back to their face. They were looking at him so earnestly it was like a gravitational force pulling him closer. “Not then and not now,” Crest continued. “You’re passionate. You wanted me to see the beauty that exists on land; you wouldn’t let me ignore it. I know I only saw a fraction of what humanity has to offer…” Crest’s finger brushed across their own chest, lingering over their heart. “But it made a lasting impression.”

“So have you.”

Wide eyes snapped back to Sean’s face and his cheeks burned under the scrutiny. “T-this trip isn’t anything I ever expected to happen,” Sean rushed to explain. If he talked fast enough, maybe he could bury the thoughtless truth that had slipped free. The Blue was stunning, but it wasn’t just about the Blue…it never had been. “Seeing everything I have over the last two weeks… I’m angry at myself for trying to convince you to walk away from the Blue forever.”

“Don’t be.” Crest reached out, this time with their hand, and covered Sean’s fingers with their own. “The only thing I regret is when we fought.” They squeezed Sean’s hand with gentle but insistent pressure, and Sean squeezed back. It was such a uniquely human gesture. Did Crest have to remember their time on land and their human lessons to recall the gesture? Or was it as natural to them as it seemed?

A silence descended that felt like it should have been full of words. It wasn’t tense, but it ached. Sean couldn’t tell if Crest’s fingers nestled between his were the source of the pangs he felt, or the only thing that didn’t hurt. Either way, he didn’t want to let go. He let the moment stretch on until his muscles felt stiff from stillness and the light shifted.

“It’s time.”

Crest’s voice was tight and almost rusty as it broke through the stillness.

Sean squeezed Crest’s hand one last time, but did not lift it or press a kiss across Crest’s knuckles. This felt like an ending, which was so stupid, because there was nothing here to end. This was the next step of Sean’s Journey to unite human and mer. It wasn’t a personal Journey, because it couldn’t be.

If we hadn’t been fighting those last few days… would this be what goodbye would have felt like?

The harried rush of his almost drowning and his first transformation hadn’t allowed any drawn out ending. Sean hadn’t even had to watch Crest swim away from him; the Blue had pushed him back onto land in a heartbeat, like it couldn’t wait to get rid of him. Or maybe it had known how much having the image of Crest’s retreating fin in his memories would hurt…

Sean shifted, and when Crest released his hand he didn’t fight them. “I still don’t think you’ll need it,” they turned to face each other again, locking eyes, “good luck, Crest.”

Flickers of expressions washed across Crest’s face, each one too quick or too subtle to catch. “You’ll be watching, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

~*~*~*~

Swimming back to Pacifica didn’t take anywhere near as long as Sean would have liked, but time marched on anyway. Crest left him almost before they were back, pulled away by a fresh-faced Elder, just returned from their Journey and excited to see old friends.

Sean tried to make himself useful arranging supplies that would be needed for tonight’s spell, laying out baskets of seaweed for the returning Elders, and sharing introductions with the mer that hadn’t had the chance to meet him while they’d been on their Journey. Sean started to share bits and pieces of his story a few times before Swish pulled him aside and asked him to speak in front of everyone before they swam to the surface and began the ritual to create new merbabies. A speech to the newly returned Elders would let them weigh in on the final decision.

Of course, Sean said yes. He had no time to prepare, but the new Elders had very little time to decide, and the key arguments he’d laid out over the last two weeks hadn’t changed.

Sean waited, just off to the side, where Swish had asked him to stay while they rounded up all of the new Elders and many of the mer Sean had spent the better part of two weeks with. He didn’t think it was every single mer in Pacifica, but the crowd was more than big enough to set off his nerves.

This is why it’s never me in front of the camera…

Squeezing his hands into fists didn’t stop the tremors running through his fingers, so Sean tried to steady his breathing. His heart pounded against his ribcage like it was trying to escape, and Sean told himself this wouldn’t be any different than talking during the human classes, or explaining what had happened to the other mer pods of the Blue. It hadn’t been fun feeling all those eyes on him, but Sean had focused on what he was there to say, and tried to talk to one person at a time. That had helped. That was what he would do now. He would find someone he recognized in the crowd and talk to them, letting everyone else hear what he had to say.

“Ready?” Swish’s crimson eyes looked soft, almost sympathetic. Maybe they’d picked up on how hard public speaking was for Sean over the last two weeks.

Sean blew out a breath and nodded.

I have to be.

“Ready.”

Swish lead Sean forward so that they hovered over the mouth of one of the sleeping caves, elevated high enough so that everyone could see them. The rumbling murmur of the crowd fell away as soon as Swish and Sean were in place. Was this another way mer were more community minded than humans? Or was Sean’s presence such an oddity that no one wanted to miss a thing?

Please don’t let this be the last time I speak to them.

“Before we Journey together to the surface and welcome Pacifica’s newest mer,” Swish began, projecting their voice out across the sea of faces staring up at them, “I want to welcome our returned Journeyfins, and newest Elders of Pacifica!”

Cheers and whoops, clicks and whistles rose up from the crowd as they celebrated. The new Elders were at the center of the crowd, surrounded by generations of more senior Elders. Some Elders that appeared to be minding the mer children hovered at the edge of the gathering, and for once Drop wasn’t with them. They were probably closer to the center of the crowd; they would be one of the eight mer participating in tonight’s spell. Sean scanned the edge of newest Elders, looking for familiar faces while Swish kept talking.

“Tonight, we have a special guest who has been staying with us for the past two weeks. Sean, a human from Los Angeles, is here on a special mission.”

The way Swish said Sean’s name almost made him smile. Their voice had this little hesitation, as most mer seemed to when they spoke human names, as if it was hard to wrap their head around a name being so simple. The only mer who didn’t have that hesitation, was Crest, or if they did, Sean couldn’t hear it.

“I hope you will listen to what he has to say, because your first act as new Elders will be to help us decide how to respond to Sean’s request.”

Swish turned their body, gesturing for Sean to swim forward and speak. It felt like moving through a sea of tiny needles, each one pricking at his skin. Sean took a breath and nodded at the crowd. “Hello.”

Why couldn’t he see anyone he knew? Every eye felt laser focused on him, and the weight of them was blinding.

“M-my name is Sean N-Nessan.” Sean’s eye finally picked out Bubble’s sky blue hair, but their cheerful, curious gaze only seemed to rachet up the pressure he felt in his stomach. “I’m a human f-from Los Angeles.”

Crap. He had to stop repeating himself and get to the point. A few mer were turning to look at each other, tails flicking as if they couldn’t decide if this was a joke.

“I came to Pacifica because…because…”

Why wasn’t Coraline up here? Everyone would listen to her more than him, she was the famed mer who didn’t return, but somehow she’d avoided the majority of the spotlight. Was that mer nature or just they way Coraline was.

I wish this wasn’t on my shoulders.

“Because,” Sean tried again, fruitlessly licking his already very wet lips. All of him was wet. He’d spent the better part of two weeks deep in the heart of the Blue, because—his eyes caught on a familiar burst of sunset orange, and the knot of tension that had been clogging his airway finally gave way. Crest was here, watching him, rooting for him. Sean didn’t want to let them, or the Blue down.

“I went out for a swim in the Blue about a month ago, on the night of your Journey Moon, and without terror or drowning, I started to transform. I knew about the Blue and transformation because I was able to meet one of your current Elders on their Journey, and they made an impression I could never forget.”

Crest smiled and Sean smiled back. It felt like Crest was right next to him, like they were connected despite all the time and distance that had passed between them.

“It took a few days to test and figure out that I could transform at will. I know how important secrecy has been, and I didn’t want to risk being the reason human’s went looking for your home. When we found out Coraline, the woman you know as the mer who never came back from her Journey, could transform at will as well, we knew we had to come ba—come to Pacifica.” Sean blinked and scanned the crowd of mer looking up at him.

Come back.

Those had been the words on the edge of his tongue. It was a stupid thing to trip up on, because there wasn’t anything to come back too. Not for Sean, anyway.

But they had come for a reason, and he hoped the mer listening would be able to see the same hope Sean was trying to grab onto. “I came to Pacifica because something changed. I changed. I couldn’t go back, and I couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen. I think this is a chance to break mer and human isolation. We’re both trying to help the earth, help the Blue in our own ways. Imagine what we could do together.”

Sunset orange eyes pulled Sean’s gaze back to them like a beacon. He wasn’t talking about him and Crest together. He couldn’t be talking about him and Crest together. There wasn’t a future for them…not like that.

Focus.

I’ve got to keep talking.

“But I knew I couldn’t make that decision alone. The mer of Pacifica had to know the truth and decide what to do with this information. You have a chance to shape the future for the better, and I really hope that you take it.”

Silence.

There wasn’t a sound Sean could hear in the Blue for almost a full minute before the clapping started. Cheering was next; a resonant whooping and jubilant celebration. At least that’s what it sounded like to Sean’s ears. He looked out over the crowd and smiled. Now he had truly done everything that was in his power to do. He just hoped it would be enough.

~*~*~*~

Sean hoped Crest would find him again before the ceremony, but of course they didn’t. They couldn’t. As soon as the uproar from Sean’s speech had died down the mer collected themselves, and the supplies Sean had helped lay out, and made for the surface.

This was nothing like the winding Journey they’d taken through the Blue when Sean was first asked to prove his claims about the change happening to transformation magic. This trip was straight up into the haunting and ethereal glow of the full moon. It started as a shimmer in the water, then a fractured spotlight, and then—moments before Sean finally broke the surface—it felt like he was swimming into the brilliant white light of the moon made liquid. The air at the surface was crisp and clear, letting every star in the sky shine like a spray of diamonds across blue/black velvet.

Sean had never seen a night so dazzling, and the ritual hadn’t even started. He watched as what looked like every mer in Pacifica broke the surface. They weren’t a large population by human standards, but seeing so many of them together felt like something out of a fairtale.

“Let us form the circle!”

That was Elder Kelp. Sean hadn’t seen much of them since the decision that he would stay in Pacifica, share what he knew, and give the mer Elders time to decide what to do with the choice he was laying at their feet.

Elder Kelp did not want change, and they’d made no secret of that fact when Sean first arrived. Sean had been afraid, at first, that he would face a smear campaign, or at least a strong opposing voice everywhere he spoke, but Elder Kelp had simply faded into the background after they’d been outvoted. Sean doubted most humans would have shown the same grace.

Even more of a reason that we could use a little mer influence.

The mer around him swam back, making space for the eight Elders that would work together to cast the spell and create enough baby mer to replace those lost since the last blue moon. Elder Kelp was already in place, at the apex of the spotlight that the blue moon cast on the water. Elder Swish, Elder Pearl, and Elder Tsunami were the other experienced Elders joining Elder Kelp tonight. The Elders joining the ceremony for the first time came next, slower in a way that could have been scripted or could have been nerves. Elder Bubbles, Elder Jet, Elder Drop, and, finally, Elder Crest.

Elder Crest.

Crest was an Elder now, but Sean had never thought of them with that title in his head before. He knew they had it, knew they’d earned it and all the respect that had come with it, but calling them Elder Crest, even in his head was a distance Sean couldn’t put between them.

How distant would they be if the mer agreed to embrace the partnership Sean was suggesting? Even if the mer started in secret, which Sean agreed would be the most likely scenario, Sean would still know, still be an integral part of it. Sean would be there very step of the way, seeing and speaking to mer every day for the rest of his life. Crest seemed equally passionate about this mission. They might volunteer to be one of key mer ambassadors.

Will I have to see them start to live a life on land without me?

Maybe a little distance would be a good thing.

The Elders were in a circle now, ringing the blinding reflection of the blue moon on the surface of the water. They lifted their hands out of the water and joined them, completing their ring around the shaft of moonlight. Instantly the water glowed as if the light were coming from the Blue and not just the moon hanging low in the sky above them. New currents that hadn’t been there before started racing around Sean’s fin; if felt like the water was gathering in that circle of Elder mer.

A vocalization started to reverberate through the air. At first Sean thought it was humming, or chanting, but there didn’t seem to be any distinct words to it. The Elders were making some kind of sound, or maybe the Blue was? Maybe they both were. It resonated through the water and every fiber of Sean’s body. The other mer seemed to feel it too, because they’d all gone silent, watching, mesmerized by the magic of the spell.

Crest’s head was thrown back, their eyes pointed up at the blue moon, and some of its light seemed to seep into them. The phosphorescent markings across Crest’s skin and scales flared to life, stealing Sean’s breath from his lungs. He’d always thought Crest was stunning, and seeing them in the throes of this spell they looked powerful. Sean could see the reflections of light from the other Elders in his peripheral vision. They probably looked the same way Crest did, they were all channeling the same power, but Sean couldn’t tear his eyes away from Crest, not now, maybe not ever again.

It should have been frightening, watching so much power channel through the air, the water, the Elders, but Sean wasn’t afraid. There was life in this spell, joy, and hope for the future. It was the same kindness, the same gift, that had created the mer in the first place, and there was nothing to fear in this light.

The water in the circle of Elders started to churn, bubbling like a cauldron, while the ocean just outside and all around the circle fell still as a mirror. It felt like everything, including the Blue, was holding its breath. Moonlight blossomed into a resonance so bright Sean’s eyes watered, but he couldn’t look away. Every moment he was expecting a burst or surge of energy that would knock everyone back with tremendous force. Instead, the incredible energy the Elders had raised dissipated like a slow sigh of pleasure and joy.

Sean’s skin and scales tingled with fresh wonder when the light faded into a glitter across the surface of the water. There was fresh movement in the circle of elders, but it wasn’t just currents of magic moving the water anymore. Seven tiny merbabes swam within the circle, each one a bright prism of color. Sean saw a white fin with iridescent scales, one that was green with flecks of gold, a navy-blue fin with an ombre of purple, a black fin speckled with red, a yellow fin with dark green stripes, one with rippling shades of tan that made it look like the ocean floor, and a fin that blushed both white and coral.

Seven merbabes. New life in Pacifica. And Sean had been here to witness it all in person. It was a gift and honor, a humbling experience. Suddenly the community mindset of the mer made perfect sense. It had always made sense, but humans seemed to have forgotten why.

The merbabes in the water found their balance and began swimming in disorderly strokes, towards seven of the Elders that had helped make them. Elder Kelp was the odd mer out as the other Elders scooped a fresh new merbabe into their arms. The newest citizens of Pacifica looked more like toddlers than human infants, but that made sense. Mer didn’t make babies the way humans did; their children probably needed to be independent faster for the sake of survival.

Even so, Sean couldn’t ignore that these children were magic, just like the community that welcomed them.

Other Elders started to swim forward now, cooing and smiling in welcome to the merbabes. The children were passed from one set of arms to the next, giggling in delight for each mer who held them.

When Crest had first described the idea of having many parents the concept had seemed distant and lonely, nothing like the picture of connection and community in front of him. These merbabes wouldn’t fear someone not showing up for them; the entire community had come together for them, to create them. This was a joint effort and a shared joy. It was the picture of what humans often tried for or expected, but rarely achieved. They were too isolated, not just from the Blue, but each other. How many humans exhausted themselves childrearing, only to be shamed for needing things like rest and alone time? In this aspect of life, the humans most definitely had it wrong.

Some of the merbabes were close enough for Sean to wave or make faces at, but not all of them. Drop was only just passing the merbabe they’d scooped up to someone else. They trailed their fingers across the child’s cheek as they let go, obviously fond. Once the child was in a fresh set of arms, Drop scanned the crowd immediately, checking on the others. Despite the animosities that had passed between them, Sean had to smile. Drop looked like a natural caregiver.

Purple eyes softened in the last of the dying light from the spell, and Sean followed Drop’s gaze back to Crest. The merbabe they’d scooped up looked like they had immediately fallen asleep. The light flickered over the merbabe’s scales, illuminating the orange parts of their coloring that Sean hadn’t been able to see before. If he hadn’t known how merbabes were created, he would have been willing to believe the child in Crest’s arms was theirs alone.

Crest lifted their face and beamed across the water at Drop. The curve of Crest’s smile slipped between Sean’s ribs and stabbed at something tender. Sean shook his head and told himself that there was no reason for him to be jealous. This wasn’t his place. It didn’t matter how badly he wanted to be on the receiving end of all Crest’s smiles. He was a visitor, a guest, hoping to build a bridge between mer and humans; nothing more.

Swish moved into what had been the center of the ring of Elders, drawing most gazes after themselves. “Mer of Pacifica, one further task, a question, has been set before us tonight that we must answer.”

Sean smiled and nodded when curious looks started to turn his way. It was stiff, but he managed not to flinch back. This was happening. After almost a month of confusion, sacrifice, and hope he was about to get his answer. It was still hard to be suddenly thrust into the spotlight, but if this was going to work, he’d have to get used to it. He’d probably never enjoy it, but the Blue, and the possibilities he was hoping for were more than worth it.

“You have all heard of the human Sean who brought us the news that he could now transform at will. He was the one who showed us that same gift had been extended to all adult mer who have gone on a Journey.” Swish nodded in Coraline’s direction, and she waved back with more fluid grace than Sean thought he’d ever managed to possess.

“We have heard Sean and Coraline share their stories,” Swish continued, “and it is time to—”

“We should wait.”

Heads turned to face Elder Kelp, who’d just interrupted Swish.

“I’ve sent word to the other merpods of the Blue,” Elder Kelp explained. “They have their own new Elders and merbabes to welcome tonight. Tomorrow they will send representatives with their answer, which we should take into consideration before making our own. They have all agreed it must be a united decision. Either we all reach out to the humans, or none of us do. It is the only fair thing to do with so much at stake. One pod or one…” their eyes seemed to linger, but surely they weren’t trying to stare Crest down. “Or one mer,” Elder kelp intoned ominously, “could change the fate of us all if they acted alone.”

Swish stared at Elder Kelp, unmoving, clearly caught off guard by this sudden announcement. The other Elders and citizens of Pacifica were equally silent.

Elder Tsunami was the first one to recover. “It’s a good plan, Kelpy. Pacifica can’t speak for every mer alone.”

“Yes,” Elder Swish said slowly. “It was never the intention that we decide for everyone. I thought we might decide our initial thoughts before conferring with the other pods, but perhaps this way is simpler. Thank you for taking such an active hand in this monumental decision, Kelp.”

A few more nods and murmurs rippled through the crowd. Mer weren’t very expressive with their faces and even after all the time he’d spent around them the last two weeks, Sean couldn’t say what the overall mood was, besides thoughtful. Sean just hoped it was a kind of thoughtful that would break in his favor. If not, this extra time Elder Kelp had called for would be the last few hours Sean would ever spend with mer.

A flash of orange caught Sean’s attention, and his eyes locked with Crest’s across the meters of water that separated them. This could truly be the last few hours he’d ever spend in their presence…

~*~*~*~

“…you know some of the Elders have sleep magic, right?”

Sean shook his head, and rolled from his side onto his back without really expecting the position to make a difference. “I don’t want to bother them.” Sean scrubbed a hand across his face and bit back a groan. He didn’t want to wake anyone up just because he couldn’t sleep. It was bad enough that he was keeping Crest up.

“Sean—”

“How can I ask them to have confidence building any kind of bridge with humans if they know I was too nervous to sleep?” Sean whisper-hissed. He and Crest were tucked away, whispering to each other, in one of the darkest pockets of Pacifica’s sleeping caves. Sean had been trying to hide his nerves, and be unobtrusive to his mer hosts by going deep into the cave, away from everyone else. Crest hadn’t taken the hint. They’d followed him without any apparent second thought.

Now, Crest looked back at Sean calmly, haloed by the soft phosphorescent glow of the jellyfish above them. Neither of them were in full shadow because both Sean and Crest’s phosphorescent markings glittered across skin and scale in the darkness of the sleeping cave. In this ethereal light Crest looked almost like an angel. And then they spoke. “I’m going to assume this is some dumb human custom, because no mer would think less of anyone for being nervous. It’s part of life.”

“This isn’t…” Sean sighed and flopped back against the mossy rock he was laying against. “Yes. You’re right, Crest.” And they were too. “It’s a dumb human custom. We don’t like to appear vulnerable because that might mean we can’t back up what we say or we aren’t trustworthy.”

“Humans think they and others aren’t trustworthy if they’re honest about their emotions…” Crest spoke slowly, letting the hypocrisy of the statement settle over both of them.

Sean shrugged, trying to dislodge the tight feeling from his neck and shoulders. “I’ve lived with those unwritten rules all my life. It’s not easy to ignore it, even if it is stupid.”

Crest hummed softly, it was a warm sound that soothed the frayed edges of Sean’s nerves. “What can I do to help?”

“You can get some rest.” Sean hoped that didn’t sound as grumpy as he felt. “I shouldn’t be keeping you up.”

Instead of leaving, Crest settled beside him on the rock like he was sitting on the edge of Sean’s bed. “Can I stay with you until you fall asleep?”

Sean should have said no. He had every reason in the world to refuse Crest’s kind offer, but his heart spoke for him before he could pull the words back, “Yes, please.”

Crest’s smile was soft and inviting. Sean curled his fingers into lose fists before he could do something reckless, like reach for Crest. They were right there, but they were still off limits in every way that mattered.

Sean could feel the heat radiating from Crest, and his own body curled towards it. Sean let the movement happen, because it was alright as long as he wasn’t actually touching Crest, as long as he wasn’t feeding the fire that burned in his chest. He closed his eyes and let himself focus on the gentle rhythm of Crest’s breathing. He wasn’t alone. Crest was choosing to stay close to him, even if it was only for tonight.

It was easy to lean into the peaceful silence and give himself permission not to think too much about what might happen in the morning. Slowly, Sean’s limbs started to grow heavy, but true sleep only danced at the edges of his awareness. He grumbled and pressed his face into the moss.

Crest’s welcoming heat drew closer, but Sean kept his eyes closed. “When I was little and couldn’t sleep, sometimes one of the Elders would stay with me a while and rub my back or run their fingers through my hair.” Crest’s voice was low, a soothing murmur in the near darkness. Sean couldn’t shake the impression that he could reach out and touch that comfort; wrap it around him like a blanket. “Would you like that, Sean? Can I touch you?”

A noise rose in Sean’s throat that wasn’t quite yes and wasn’t quite no. His sense of responsibility warred with want, and he was so tired of fighting.

“Sean?”

Crest’s fingers brushed Sean’s when they leaned closer, and that brief contact was enough to light sparks of sensation across his skin. Sean’s hand inched forward, and his fingers twined with Crest’s, pulling both hands to his chest.

“Is that a yes?” Amusem*nt ran through Crest’s voice like golden honey and Sean wanted to hang onto that sweetness. “Or would you like to hold my hand instead?”

“hmhh…both.”

Crest’s light, musical chuckle ruffled the hair across Sean’s forehead. “I forgot how talkative you are when you’re sleepy.”

Something that started as a groan in Sean’s chest ended in a gentle sigh when Crest’s fingers finally made contact. Sean leaned up into the warmth and pressure of Crest’s hand, curling just a little closer to the rest of them. Long, slow strokes started to close the gap between Sean and sleep. Crest was right, he needed the rest. As much as Sean wanted to keep this moment, he let himself drift. His last thought before sleep claimed him was, “Hope Drop’s not mad…”

~*~*~*~

“Why would Drop be mad?”

Rhythmic breathing was Crest’s only answer.

Crest sighed and smiled despite themselves. “Sleep well, Sean.”

The tight lines of Sean’s face lost their tension, relaxing into an expression Crest had only seen once or twice before on their long-ago Journey. Crest dared to squeeze Sean’s hand with just a tiny amount of pressure and a wide smile broke across their face when Sean squeezed right back.

Crest would never understand why Sean had been so stubborn when even after he admitted that not asking for help didn’t make any sense. What was the point of asking someone to isolate themselves to prove how strong they were? Humans were so stingy with their hearts.

“Are you going to stay there all night?”

“Drop.” Surprised raced through Crest’s veins, and their head shot up, but they managed not to jump. “Be quiet,” they whispered, “He just fell asleep. Please don’t wake him.”

Narrow purple eyes frowned down at Sean’s sleeping form, then flickered back to Crest. “You’re really doing this?” Drop muttered, dripping with quiet disdain. “Again?”

Crest bristled, but kept their voice low. “What do you mean again?”

The sharp lines around Drop’s eyes and mouth softened into melancholy that made it difficult for Crest to stay annoyed. “Crest.”

The way Drop said their name was a gentle rebuke that Crest understood instantly. There wasn’t another mer in the Blue that understood Crest better, and the knowing, sad look Drop had fixed on them was making Crest squirm. They tried to look away, but their gaze fell back to Sean’s handsome, sleeping face.

Drop swam low, sitting on the cave floor by the edges of Crest’s fin so that they could keep eye contact. “You weren’t yourself for months after your Journey,” Drop said softly, refusing to let Crest turn away from the truth. “You had no energy, you were snapping at everyone, and you barely ate…”

The fingers of Drop’s hand reached for Crest, but stopped short of touching them without Crest’s permission.

Crest didn’t want to let go of Sean’s hand, but he was deeply asleep now. Sean’s breathing was even and his fingers were slack against Crests’ hand. And Drop was still looking up at Crest with that searching, gentle look which saw everything Crest tried to keep to themselves, then offered welcome and comfort anyway.

“I don’t want to see you hurt again,” Drop murmured.

Crest hadn’t cried in almost a decade, couldn’t cry in this form, but it felt like their eyes were burning anyway. With slow, careful movements, they slipped their hand from Sean’s, lifted the fingers of their other hand away from Sean’s hair, and sank into Drop’s waiting arms. Tight bands of muscle and bone wrapped around Crest’s body as if they alone could keep them from breaking to pieces; like Drop knew Crest had felt like they were about to shatter for the last two weeks…

Drop moved them slowly away from Sean’s sleeping form and Crest let them, even if it felt like a fishhook was caught and pulling at the center of their chest.

“It’ll feel different in the morning,” Drop promised. “Either way us elders decide, you can let him leave and—”

Crest jerked in Drops arms, knocking the limbs loose until they hung, hesitant, around their waist. “Do you really think that letting him go is going to hurt any less than it did the first time?”

Drop looked back at Crest, stricken, but silent.

“I’ve gotten really good at pretending the pain isn’t there, but it NEVER left, Drop. It’s never going to leave, and I… I…”

Crest’s face fell into their hands and Drop’s arms gathered them up once more. Crest didn’t protest being held again. Their short-lived partnership with Drop had been an unmitigated disaster, but their friendship had not only survived, it had grown stronger. Drop had seen Crest through every anxiety and heartbreak, and Crest had done their best to do the same for Drop.

“I’ve got you,” Drop’s voice spoke low near Crest’s ear. Their arms squeezed Crest tight, refusing to let them fall apart. “I’ve got you.”

Crest’s chest heaved a little, but they held Drop back just as tight.

~*~*~*~

Sean woke cold and alone.

Crest hadn’t stayed.

Of course, they hadn’t stayed. They hadn’t offered to stay the entire night. Crest had other things going on in their life beyond Sean’s attempt to overturn the expectations of Elders everywhere. And Sean had eaten up time Crest could have spent resting or with Drop because he hadn’t been able to shake his own nerves.

Hopefully he was doing a better job of projecting calm confidence this morning. Anxiety beat against his nerves like a prisoner desperate to be free, but Sean kept it down with an iron grip and a smile.

Seaweed had never been his favorite, and this morning his stomach was sitting like a lead weight in his abdomen. Instead of eating, Sean offered to help distribute food to the newly returned Elders, who were still settling back in. This also gave him a chance to speak to some of them individually, answer questions, and reiterate the same hopes he’d been holding onto for almost a month now. The new Elders were friendly and curious. Most importantly they kept him busy.

That was, until three unfamiliar mer crested the rim of Pacifica’s protective wall and swam down with exceptionally serious looks on their faces. They nodded to Sean as they passed, cutting straight through the water towards Elder Kelp. Sean nodded back and tried to remember their names. He’d met with them, hadn’t he? It felt like he’d met with almost every mer in the Blue over the last week plus. He should have kept better track…

“Elders of Pacifica!” Elder Kelp’s voice boomed across the wide flat space in front of Pacifica’s sleeping caves, “The time has come to make our decision. Anyone who wants to join the discussion should join us in the sea cave. Spread the word.”

Instantly there was a burst of activity. Mer didn’t have electricity, which meant no cell phones and no microphones, but Elder Kelp’s message spread like wildfire. Elders from all over Pacifica swam to the sea cave they used for sleeping. Not everyone went, but most did. Those that didn’t spoke fervently to one or more of the mer that passed, as if they were sending a message. Maybe Sean was reading too much into it. Maybe he needed to calm down.

“The next round of Journeyfins had some questions for you.”

Sean’s head snapped around to see Drop’s eerily impassive face. Their purple eyes were narrowed, as they often were when directed at Sean, but today that might have been an effect of the merbabe clutching their hair and clinging to them like an Octopus.

“Um, I think—” Sean glanced between Drop, and the mouth of the sea cave, or tried to. Halfway there his eyes caught on the sunset orange of Crest’s eyes. Crest! They had been swimming up behind Drop, but when their eyes collided with Sean’s, they drifted to a standstill.

Crest and Drop were at least three feet apart, but it felt like they were standing together on the edge of a cliff. In a way, they were. They could be minutes away from a lifechanging decision. What would it mean for both of them if this didn’t end in another goodbye? What if it did? Sean’s chest squeezed tight, stopping the breath in his throat for just a moment.

“I…” Crest swallowed around nothing and flicked their gaze at the cave entrance. “I have to go.”

Sean nodded. “Want to swim in together?”

A pinched expression passed across Crest’s features. “Elder Kelp didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Crest’s gaze fell away from Sean’s and their mouth stretched into a thin, unhappy line. “You need to stay out here.”

“Oh…” Sean told himself this wasn’t a rejection. It made sense. Now that Crest had said it, Sean could understand the rational of making a big decision without any additional outside pressure. It didn’t mean the mer would say no. “Right.”

“I’m going to go fight for you.”

Their eyes met again, and it felt like a physical collision.

Color rose high on Crest’s cheeks and flushed low through their scales. “For your mission,” Crest continued. “I want them to say yes. I can’t promise anything but—”

“Thank you.”

Crest’s mouth twitched, pulling up at the corners in the ghost of a smile. “You’re welcome.”

“You’d better get going or they’ll think you’re not coming,” Drop cut in.

Sean’s gaze flicked to the cave entrance, and he saw Drop was right. Already the crowd swimming inside had thinned from a thick flow of mer to a trickle. If they hadn’t started talking in the cave already, they would soon. “Be safe.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sean was fighting his own flush. It was a stupid sentiment. The last thing Crest would ever be endangered by were their fellow mer, and it wasn’t like the sea cave they used for sleep was more than a few hundred yards away.

Crest looked at Sean for a long moment, something Sean couldn’t name dancing across their features. “You too.”

With a flick of their fin, Crest was gone, swimming away and into the mouth of the sea cave. The grey/green of the lichen covered stone looked so drab in comparison to Crest’s bright flash of color, it was almost like it was green with envy.

“Are you coming?”

Drop was still there, still being used as an underwater jungle gym by Pacifica’s newest mer.

“Yes, right.” Sean shifted, turning away from the cave. “Do you need any help?”

Drop curled one arm protectively over the merbabe at his hip, and the other reached up to grasp the merbabe on his shoulder. “I’m fine.”

“Alright then.” Sean nodded, not sure what else he could do but follow. “Lead on.”

The young mer who would be the next Journeyfins were gathered not far off, working together in some kind of chore circle. Some were cutting and processing seaweed, others were weaving net baskets out of chunks of rope salvaged from human shipwrecks. They ushered Sean to sit beside them with easy cheer. The moment Sean sat on a large rock protrusion beside them a flurry of rapid fire questions came at him from every angle. Clearly, Sean wasn’t the only one feeling the pressure or thinking about what it might mean if Sean left and couldn’t return…

Sean made himself smile and used the same voice he’d used with young nervous swimmers when he’d been a senior member of the team. The slow, gentle rhythm of his voice seemed to soften some of the vibrating tension running through the young mer. At least it helped someone.

Eventually they were calm enough to coach Sean on the intricacies of net weaving, and then he had something to keep his hands busy while he talked.

Time stretched on in long, painful, endless moments. Sean had never felt it move so slowly. Every time he felt like he was about to come out of his skin, Sean forced himself to count his breath, or try to count the fibers of the rope slowly passing between his fingers. Finally, finally, the call had gone out to gather at the sleeping cave co-opted for deliberation. It was mid-day, and Sean was about to learn if he was going home with Coraline alone, or if he’d be bringing a very special contingent back with him.

Sean tried to hold his wild expectations at bay, but they writhed in his chest like a living thing reaching unerringly for the light. He knew that even if the answer was the one he hoped for, he might still go home unaccompanied. The mer might even decide to remove Sean from all future plans until they went largely public.

The thought of being cut off again, in any way, twisted like a knife in his belly.

Please, please, please don’t let this be the end…

Elder Crest, Elder Swish, Elder Tsunami, and several Elders from other pods Sean had met only briefly, made their slow exit from the Pacifica sleeping cave, trailed by the rest of Pacifica’s Elders that had stayed to deliberate with them. Most of the Elders kept moving out into the crowd of younger mer, filling in the space around Sean until he was just one of many. After they’d cleared the mouth of the sea cave, and moved far enough to make room for the mer that were following them, the Elders in the audience turned to face the line of Elders, one from each mer pod, that remained hovering at the yawning mouth of the sleeping cave. Elder Kelp and four others gradually rose up above their audience, making sure they had everyone’s attention.

A hush fell over the crowd and the lead weight in Sean’s empty stomach sunk deeper. His fingers were trembling slightly against the hard surface of his scales. This was it. Everything he’d worked for, everything he’d risked and sacrificed for, had led up to this moment.

“Mer of Pacifica!” Elder Kelp, called out, lifting their hands to encompass all of the mer gathered beneath them. “The Blue has gifted elders across the Blue with the ability to transform at will, and sent the human Sean to us as a messenger of this change. We have consulted with the other pods of the Blue and with each other on the question of reaching out to the humans.” Their lip twisted, just for a moment, in something like a sneer, and Sean tensed, trying to brace for what was coming next. “There is considerable risk in reaching out. It is the reason we coach our Journeyfins on the importance of secrecy…”

Oh God…

They were going to say, no, weren’t they?

Was all of this for nothing?

Sean’s heart pounded in his chest, beating out a rhythm of distress against his ribs. It couldn’t end this way. Not now. He wasn’t ready. He would never be ready.

“…and we will use that secrecy in our initial explorations.”

Breath rushed out of Sean’s lungs, leaving him feeling weak, but exuberant. It was the step forward he’d hoped for. The step forward Crest said they would fight for. Where was Crest? They weren’t the only mer with orange scales, but they were still usually easy to pick out of a crowd. Sean straightened out of the half crouch he’d sunk to and peered around him.

“We have decided we will explore where the Blue is leading us, but with caution,” Elder Kelp continued. “A small group of Elders from Pacifica have volunteered to accompany Sean on his return to land and assume human identities. We will work with him to explore what possibilities, if any, may be open to us. The other pods will send small groups of their own to human locations closer to them, and operate in complete secrecy. We will not set a hard deadline. This is a serious shift and we must move cautiously. We will not make any changes without the unanimous agreement of the other mer pods.” Elder Kelp nodded to their left and right at the elders that had come to Pacifica to voice the opinion of their individual pod.

A cautious round of applause and cheers rippled through the crowd. They sounded excited, but hesitant, the same way Sean felt inside. This was a good first step, but it still had the potential to disintegrate completely. Where was Crest?

Elder Kelp faced the crowd again, looking very stern, even as mer expressions went. “Until or unless we decide, as united mer, to break the secrecy we have lived in all these years, Journeys will continue as they always have. In the meantime, I will be venturing on land alongside Elder Swish, Elder Pearl, Elder Bubbles, and Elder Crest.”

Crest? Crest was going on the initial mission to land?

“We will do our best to serve you, and keep you safe!” Elder Kelp finished with a flourish and a dignified bow, in which all the other Elders with them, Crest included, joined in.

The applause this time was louder, resonating through the expanse of Pacifica and off its protective walls. This was everything he’d worked for, and Sean wanted to join them, but his body was stuck in awed stasis, staring up at the orange scaled mer that had captured his attention almost a decade ago. Crest was going to come with him on land. Sean might be working alongside them, if he was allowed. Even if he wasn’t allowed in on the day to day of this special mission, there was a chance Sean would see them out and about, without expecting it they’d be there, right in front of him instead of dancing at the edges of his memory.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

~*~*~*~

There was very little for Sean to do once the mer had decided to go forward. The deliberations of the morning had apparently included details of where each mer could establish themselves. The bungalow Crest had used during their Journey would be the first base of operations. Each mer would secure employment and housing as they were able to. This integration would help them evaluate if mer would go further bridging their connection with humans, or if they would return to isolation.

Everything was still so tentative; Sean was afraid to breathe on it too hard.

“The bungalow may be a tight fit for five,” Coraline observed as they clustered together, waiting for Elder Tsumani to assist them with their passage magic.

“Mer are used to communal living,” Elder Kelp replied evenly, seemingly unbothered.

“We are,” Coraline agreed, “And I want to do everything I can to support this mission. If you’d like, I can ask my wife, Avani, if she would be willing to open up our guest rooms. That would let two mer move in temporarily, and allow for a faster transition into human life.”

Elder Kelp gave her an arch look. “By separating us?”

“Wasn’t that always the plan?” Coraline didn’t look the slightest bit flustered. “Not that you’d be cut off from each other, but that each of you would have the opportunity to explore what possibilities could exist for mer to build an alliance with humans on land? Many humans rent rooms or have roommates.”

“I have a spare room too,” Sean added. It wasn’t a response he’d thought about until the eyes of the group were on him. This mission was digging up all kinds of uncomfortable emotions and he just kept making it worse, didn’t he?

“We can decide after we arrive safely,” Elder Kelp deflected. Every line of their body was tense, almost rigid. The risks of this mission weighed heavily on them.

“Are we ready to go?”

That was Elder Tsumani, looking a great deal more chipper than Sean felt. He should be happy, shouldn’t he? Instead, his gut twisted like it was full of eels. This was what he’d worked for, but it was still so precarious, and Crest was hovering less than five feet from him.

Crest was also the first one to turn around and declare, “I’m ready.” The look of determination on their face did something eel-adjacent to Sean’s stomach and chest.

“Ready.” Coraline agreed, and the others echoed her sentiments. Elder Kelp looked grim but nodded.

Elder Tsunami looked to Sean, who did his best to smile. “Let’s go.”

Everyone crowded close, linking hands to ensure no one was left behind. Sean ended up with Coraline on his right…and Crest on his left. Their hand was cool, resting in his, and they smiled at Sean like they were sharing a secret. Sean smiled back instantly, without thought, because Crest was right there, and for whatever reason, they’d chosen to join him on this bold adventure. This mission, and the possibilities it represented, must have meant a lot to them if they were willing to leave their partner Drop behind for an indeterminate amount of time.

Magic swirled, churning the water around them and surging over Sean’s skin like electricity. A familiar pressure swept over him, and Sean closed his eyes, blocking out the sudden shift from light to darkness, and back again. When the water around him stilled he blinked his eyes open, peering at the others through the dim water. It was a little past evening now, and everyone’s phosphorescent markings were glowing.

“We’re just off the coast of California,” Elder Tsunami announced, releasing their hands.

“And a little south of Los Angeles?” Sean asked.

Elder Tsunami nodded. “Just like you asked.”

Sean and Corline shared a glance, then Sean turned back to Elder Tsunami. “Thank you for your help.” Sean offered a small bow and furled his fin the same way he’d seen other mer do. “We can take everyone the rest of the way.”

Elder Tsunami bowed in turn, flicking their tail in something reminiscent of a wave. “Safe Journey. Pacifica will be waiting for you and what happens next.”

Another flick of their tail, a rushing churn of magic, and Elder Tsunami was gone, hurtling back through the Blue.

“Can you keep everyone safe?” Elder Kelp asked, one eyebrow lifted in obvious skepticism.

Irritation flared, hot and angry across Sean’s skin. It didn’t make any sense to protest now. They’d come all this way, Elder Tsunami was gone, and Elder Kelp had volunteered for this themselves. But Elder Kelp has never been fond of this plan, and fear wasn’t rational. They might have volunteered with the thought of saving someone else the risk. “Nothing is without some risk,” Sean replied evenly. “If we see other humans approaching, we’ll have to either dive or change and pretend to be skinny dipping.”

“Skinny dipping?” Elder Pearl asked.

Coraline answered in a calm, clear voice, “A human idiom for swimming without clothing.”

“And where are we supposedly—”

“We planted a chest nearby with plenty of clothes and a way for us to call Kavya for pickup.” Sean’s teeth clacked together in his mouth as his jaw snapped shut. He knew he’d cut Elder Kelp off, and for just a moment he hadn’t cared. He’d explained this plan to them and every other mer endlessly for weeks now.

Danmit.

Letting his temper get the better of him wasn’t going to do him any favors. If he wanted to convince Elder Kelp this had been the right decision, he needed to build bridges not burn them. Sean took a breath and tried again. “Do you have any other questions?”

Elder Kelp sniffed and rolled their shoulders. “Lead the way.”

It wasn’t an answer, and Sean tried to tell himself it wasn’t a dismissal. He turned in the water and closed his eyes, waiting.

“Well?” Elder Kelp’s voice snapped. Sean clearly wasn’t the only one fighting irritation. “What are we waiting for?”

“Hold on; I’m listening,” Sean explained. He held up a hand to ask for silence, and whether they understood the gesture or not, the mer with him didn’t speak. Sean strained his ears, turning his head this way and that, but the rumbles that could have been boats were faint and far away. Sean looked to Coraline and nodded. “I think we’re clear.”

“You think?” Elder Kelp did not sound impressed.

“Human boats travel very quickly,” Coraline reminded them gently. “We’ll both listen as we travel, and give warning if we hear something coming.”

“So, this is a guessing game?” Again, Elder Kelp’s voice was bitter.

Sean told himself that Elder Kelp’s bitterness was fueled by fear and tried to meet that fear with compassion. “Even if we’d known when we were coming back, we’d only be able to look up sailing plans for craft up to a certain size. Smaller craft like dinghy’s or jet skis would have always been guess work. That’s why we might have to dive or change suddenly and claim to be skinny dipping, like I said.”

“You’re leaving our safety to guesswork.”

It wasn’t a question.

Sean could see Elder Bubbles and Elder Pearl shifting beside Elder Kelp, and he could feel the weight of Crest’s warm, sympathetic gaze. Sean needed to change tactics or he would lose his chance before they’d begun. He scanned their small group, mostly avoiding eye contact with Elder Kelp, and put himself in instructor mode. “Stay behind Coraline and me as we approach the shore. That will leave you closer to deeper waters if we need to dive, which is the approach I’d prefer to take if we’re surprised.”

Elder Pearl started to frown, so Sean switched his gaze to Bubbles who looked more curious and pressed on. “That being said, its night, and I’m not anticipating much or any human movement this close to shore in this area. We chose our landing site specifically for this purpose. Close enough that help’s not far, and isolated enough away that we should be able to get our bearing undisturbed. When we are in about three feet of water we’ll transform and use our legs to take us the rest of the way. Coraline and I are both strong swimmers with or without a fin and we’ll be able to help if anyone has any trouble. Coraline and I will keep watch, and feel free to speak up if you hear or see something we should know about.”

You’re using us as your eyes and ears.”

That was Elder Kelp again, and even though Sean told himself they were motivated by fear, his jaw still twitched in protest.

“This was always meant to be a joint venture,” Sean said. “We can get you on land, and it’s up to you what to do once you’re there. Humans that care about the earth and the Blue are already doing what they can alone.”

“Does anyone have any questions?” Coraline asked, moving a little closer to Sean. He was grateful to hand at least some of the attention over to her. Being in the spotlight, no matter how important, was never going to be Sean’s favorite place to be.

The mer shared a few glances and soft murmurs, before shaking their heads no.

“Alright.” Sean was doing his best to stay in instructor mode. “Stay close, and speak up if you need help.” He waited to see some affirmative nods before he turned and swam towards the beach.

They moved quickly and silently through the water. In less time than it took to review the plan Sean was able to start grazing sand with his fingertips. Other than Sean and Corline who had fiercely defended her status as a human woman during all their time in Pacifica, the water was mercifully free of humans.

Sean broke the surface of the water with his head and shoulders, motioning for the others to do the same. They formed a line in the surf, peeking cautiously above the water. “Grip the sand beneath you for purchase if you need to, and change. Coraline and I will make sure everyone gets onto the beach, then we’ll lead the way to the chest of clothes and call Kavya for a ride.”

Everyone nodded, some more enthusiastically than others.

“Ready?” It was Crest’s voice, just to his left. When had Crest snuck up on him like that? Sean had known they were there, but not how close they’d stayed to him.

Something about Crest’s smile made him feel dizzy and breathless. Crest was about to set foot on land for the first time since— “Ready,” Sean croaked out. He let the building warmth of transformation sweep across his body. A rush of water jostled Sean on both sides as everyone else changed almost simultaneously. Their small group bobbed and shuffled in the water, but no one seemed in danger of backsliding into the Blue.

“Try to get your legs under you while the water can take some of the weight,” Sean suggested. He’d meant to speak to everyone in general, but he hadn’t taken his eyes off Crest’s face. “That might help with the adjustment.”

Crest pulled their legs under them and smiled as they started to push to their feet. Sean followed them up, catching their hand when they started to stumble. “Careful!”

The weight of Crest’s shoulder leaning against his body shouldn’t have felt so familiar, not after all this time, but the sensation bloomed across Sean’s skin in a nostalgic ache.

“Walk slowly through the water, or lift your legs above it as you move.” That was Coraline, pulling Sean’s attention back to the group. Everyone was standing with varying degrees of stability, but they were standing, and they were moving.

Crest’s fingers, still curiously intertwined with Sean’s, squeezed gently. “Let’s go.”

Sean walked through the rippling edge of the surf and across the fine sand of the shore in a daze. He was warm and cold, energized and exhausted all at once. Was this an after-effect from having held his mer transformation for so long?

“There.” Coraline pointed and Sean turned in the direction she indicated. He recognized the pile of driftwood and sand they’d bunched up around some bushes at the edge of the beach. That was the hiding place they’d chosen for their chest of supplies.

Sean nodded his agreement. “Just a little further and we can call for pickup.” He willed his limbs to stop stiffening up as he stumbled across the beach, Crest moving right beside him. Human bodies were really not equipped to handle chills like they were all experiencing. Crest’s lips were already turning blue.

Rushing the last few meters, Sean slipped his hand free of Crest’s with one final squeeze, and pulled the debris away from the chest of supplies. He punched in the combination with shaking fingers and pulled the lid back. Towels and clothing were piled thick inside, just like Sean remembered. He tugged a fluffy magenta bath sheet around Crest’s shoulders before bending to help Coraline pass out the rest of the supplies.

Someone threw a dark blue towel over Sean’s back and he paused to loosely secure it in place before reaching for a sunset orange tunic style t-shirt that flowed and flapped between his fingers. He’d also grabbed light brown loose cut trousers that could be mistaken for a skirt if the person wearing them stood very still. Crest took the items of clothing from Sean with an affectionate smile.

“Did you set these aside just for me?”

“I…uh…” Sean swallowed. “I d-didn’t know you were coming.” It was the truth, no matter what he’d let himself hope. When Sean snatched these items of clothing from the thrift store on one of their pre-Pacifica preparation shopping trips, he had been thinking of Crest’s description of mer existing beyond the binary that humans like to strong-arm everyone into. He couldn’t have anticipated Crest would come back with him, no matter what his heart dared to hope.

“Are we supposed to freeze here?” That was Elder Kelp, tugging a light denim jacket on over their tropical print shirt.

“We’re going to call Kavya to come pick us up,” Sean explained, finally tugging his own jeans up and over his hips. After so long in the Blue the fabric felt rough and scratchy against his skin. He should have packed loungewear instead. “These clothes and towels are just for now.”

A distant ringing pulled Sean’s attention to the left. Coraline was crouched by the chest, bright summer dress clinging to her damp skin. She held the burner phone pressed against her ear. Sean quashed a brief flare of irritation. As much as Coraline had let him take center stage in Pacifica, this was not his show. More lives and families could be impacted by this than any of them could properly understand yet.

He heard Kavya pick up at the same moment Coraline murmured, “Hello, baby.”

“Mom? Mom!” Coraline didn’t have the phone on speaker, but Kavya was still clearly audible through the phone. “Are you alright? Are you back? Miguel, let’s go! Get the car keys!”

“We’re alright sweetheart,” Coraline promised, smiling in the dim light from distant streetlamps. “And there’s seven of us, including me and Sean. I’m not sure one car will be big enough.”

Another, more distant voice, too quiet for Sean to make out words, came through the phone and Coraline’s smile broadened. “Avani?”

The voice came again, familiar and considerably more sedate than her daughter. Sean half turned away, wanting to give Coraline as much privacy as he could. Crest caught his gaze and smiled, part comfort part question.

“We’ll be home soon,” Sean promised, flinching almost as soon as the words left his mouth. Coraline would be home soon. Sean would be able to go back to his lonely apartment soon. Crest had just left Pacifica, again, for an indeterminate amount of time. They wouldn’t get to go home for a while.

Crest only nodded and stepped a little closer. Moisture clung to their thick orange hair, tracing long wet lines down their neck and making them shiver.

Sean frowned and pulled the towel Crest was holding back around their shoulders, over their clothes. “I’m sorry. I should have packed some warmer clothes.”

“You didn’t know we’d arrive during a cold snap,” Crest murmured, leaning into Sean’s touch until they were nestled against his chest.

“It’s not that cold,” Sean replied, giving in to the urge to wrap both arms around Crest, sharing what warmth and comfort he could. “It just feels that way because we’ve been swimming and there’s a breeze coming off the ocean.”

Crest grumbled a nonsensical reply into Sean’s neck.

“It’ll be warmer tomorrow,” Sean promised, lips brushing against the soft strands of hair at Crest’s temple.

Don’t kiss them.

Sean made himself look up and scan their small company. Bubbles and Elder Swish were leaning close together with their arms wrapped around their rib cages. Elder Kelp was scowling and rubbing their hands together, clearly trying to generate some warmth. Elder Pearl and Coraline were sitting on the lid of the empty chest, towels bunched around their shoulders like shawls, talking in low, relaxed voices. It was a quiet moment, but Sean’s heart still pounded. Everything was about to change, and there would be no going back.

A little over twenty minutes later, rumbling engines announced Kavya and Avani’s arrival. Miguel was with them too, driving one of the two cars they’d driven to the meetings point. Kavya jumped out almost before Miguel had brought the car to a full stop, and just about dive-tackled her mom. Elder Pearl barely had time to step back before the collision took place.

Coraline wrapped her daughter up in a fierce hug that brought them both to their knees. Avani was only a few paces behind Kavya, having taken the time to properly park before vaulting out of the car. She draped herself over wife and daughter both, cementing the cuddle puddle on the sand.

Elder Pearl, Elder Bubbles, and Elder Swish were smiling softly, and Crest looked on from the circle of Sean’s arms. Elder Kelp was still glowering, and their frown lines were growing deeper by the second. “Are we leaving anytime soon, or should we try to build a fire?”

“Keep your pants on,” Kavya snapped. “You’re not going to freeze.”

“Kavya,” Avani scolded.

“We shouldn’t keep everyone waiting,” Coraline added, softening the rebuke with a forceful kiss to Kavya’s forehead. “You can ride with us.”

“Hell, yes I’m riding with you,” Kavya insisted, scrambling to her feet alongside her parents. “I’m still not over you disappearing for a month.”

Coraline smiled and ruffled her daughter’s hair. Kavya batted her mom’s hand away with a parting grin before turning her attention to Sean.

Crest had been easing out of Sean’s arms, but Kavya’s gaze still caught on the tail end of their embrace. Sean smiled in welcome and breathed through his frustration; Kavya was going to think what she was going to think. She would probably still have thought it even if Crest had been on the opposite side of the clearing.

Sean held out his arms to Kavya and said, “Good to see you, bestie.”

That brought out a smile. Kavya strode forward and pulled Sean into a breath stealing hug. “I’m glad you made it home safe,” She whispered.

“Of course, I did,” Sean murmured back. “You really thought I could leave you hanging? You’d find a way to come get me no matter where I was.”

“Damn right I would,” Kavya chuckled, a jagged release of nervous energy. Her eyes slid to Crest, but she didn’t do more than smile and nod in their direction. “Get everyone in the cars; Mummy’s going to heat up a big dinner when we get home.”

Sean’s gaze flickered back to Crest without his permission, catching the glow of the headlights in their sunset orange eyes. They were probably hungry after the rush from last night and this morning. “Sounds good.”

Avani, Coraline, Kavya, Elder Pearl and Elder Swish climbed into one car. Miguel jumped out of his car just long enough to help Sean secure the now empty supply chest to the roof. By the time it was strapped down, Elder Kelp, Elder Bubbles, and Crest were already buckled in and waiting. Elder Kelp had claimed the front passenger seat, leaving Bubbles and Crest to squeeze into the back. Crest had pushed themselves tight against Bubbles, who didn’t seem to mind being squished. When Crest saw Sean was ready to get in, they greeted him with a smile that made a mixture of butterflies and jellyfish bob around Sean’s stomach.

“Are you excited to be home?” That was Crest, easing fully into the middle seat until their body brushed Sean’s. Bubbles, meanwhile, was absolutely plastered to their window, eyes goggling at every sight they drove past.

Home.

Sean glanced out the front window, taking in the quiet conversation Miguel was having with Elder Kelp, who seemed the slightest bit mollified now that the hot air was turned up full blast. Beyond them, around them, were the streets of Los Angeles. This was the place Sean had grown up and lived most of his adult life, when he wasn’t away on assignment, but being in this place again didn’t feel like a homecoming. It was…just a place that he lived. Some of the time.

“Sean?” Cool, slim fingers brushed his hand and Sean turned his palm up reflexively. He smiled when Crest’s finger’s laced with his.

“I’m fine,” Sean replied. “Just tired.”

Something indiscernible flickered across Crest’s face, but then their mouth pulled up into a soft smile and they squeezed Sean’s hand in theirs. “We’ll be home soon.”

~*~*~*~

The fatigue of the Journey seemed to be catching up with everyone. They shuffled into Avani and Coraline’s house like zombies. Sean had to actively fight the urge to drape himself across Crest like a blanket and let sleep claim him. Crest didn’t owe him anything. They weren’t anything to each other, no matter what his heart wanted to will into existence. He needed to sleep… things would look different in the morning. But first—

“Everyone is sleeping here tonight,” Avani declared, probably seeing the obvious exhaustion that hung on her guests like a weighted blanket. “I’m going to heat up some food for anyone who wants it. Kavya can show you the sleeping options we’ve set up. Tomorrow I’m making breakfast, and no one is leaving until you’ve eaten at least one big meal.”

Avani’s aggressive caregiving brought a fresh smile to Sean’s face. She must have missed her wife terribly, but she didn’t hesitate to offer comfort and shelter to people she’d just met, or in Crest’s case, hadn’t seen in almost a decade.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Elder Kelp echoed Sean’s inner thoughts, bowing slightly as they spoke to Avani.

Thanks, and appreciation were quickly echoed by the other mer. “I really appreciate what you’re doing for us,” Sean added.

Avani waved her hand in the air in front of her, like she was brushing away the enormity of what she’d sacrificed. “I said I was all in, didn’t I? You’re doing big things, and none of us can do that alone.”

Coraline slipped her arm through Avani’s and leaned up to press a kiss to her cheek. Avani blushed and beamed at her wife. “I’m...uh,” She dragged her gaze back to her guests. “I’m going to heat up veggie burritos. Nothing fancy, but warm and filling. I’ve also got fruit and a few other things. I’ll be in the kitchen for a while if anyone needs help.” She slipped her arm around Coraline’s shoulders, and they disappeared down the hallway and into the kitchen.

“Alright,” Kavya cut in, taking charge as her parents stepped away. “Miguel and I are in the guest room down this hall to the left,” she pointed, “so we set up a mass sleep over situation in the living room using the pull-out sofa, an air mattress, and some sleeping bags,” she pointed to the other side of the hallway through an open arch that led to said living room. They shuffled together into the larger space.

The pull-out sofa and double sized air mattress were covered in layers of soft blankets and pillows, and a cozy pair of sleeping bags abutted the back of the sofa. They really had thought of everything.

“You’re amazing,” Sean said, looking to Kavya.

Kavya grinned back at him. “If you were expecting anything less, you haven’t been paying attention.”

“These are so soft!” That was Bubbles, already laying back against the duvet that covered the pull-out sofa.

“A long sleep will help us adjust,” Elder Pearl agreed, sinking down beside Bubbles.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” Elder Kelp warned, testing the firmness of the air mattress with their hand. “We should settle into the bungalow tomorrow.”

“I’m not making any decisions until I’ve eaten and slept,” Elder Swish declared, sinking down onto the opposite side of the air mattress with a soft groan.

“Bathroom is straight back at the end of the hall,” Kavya gestured forceful with her arm. “Do not get it confused with my room; I do not react well to being woken up in the middle of the night.”

“I can attest to that,” Miguel agreed, slipping an arm around Kavya’s waist.

Kavya nudged him with her hip, but the smile that broke across her face belied any real annoyance. “I’ll tell you now the hot water heater can’t keep up with this many people,” Kavya continued, turning back to the mer that had temporarily invaded her parent’s home. “Your best bet is to keep showers brief and know the last few people are going to get some cold water.”

“I’ll head in first, then,” Elder Kelp declared, moving past everyone towards the bathroom. No one protested.

There wasn’t an abundance of space with so many people in the process of rapid fire showers, clothing swaps, grabbing quick bites of food off paper plates, and general settling in, but it didn’t exactly feel cramped. Sean, Coraline, and the mer moved relatively seamlessly around each other, just as they had in Pacifica. If there wasn’t quite enough space to get by they went another way, or squeezed past each other without complaint. The end result was everyone was refreshed, fed, and ready for bed in a little less than an hour.

Bubbles and Elder Pearl took the pull-out sofa, Elder Kelp and Elder Swish stayed on the extra tall air-mattress, and Sean slipped into a sleeping bag beside Crest without a second thought. He was officially too tired to second guess what felt right. Instead, he lay back, listened to the others breathing in the dark, and let himself drift…

~*~*~*~

Buttery yellow light was pouring in through the kitchen windows the next time Sean opened his eyes. Crest was still sleeping, directly across from him. Their hand, which must have found Sean’s in the night nestled loosely in Sean’s grip, fingers twined together like thread.

Soft voices crept down the hall from the kitchen. Rich coffee and bright notes of citrus tickled his nose. Avani must be busy in the kitchen already, but Sean wasn’t the slightest bit tempted to join her. Important conversations were about to happen, world dynamics were on the cusp of seismic shift that would be felt for generations, and none of it could pull Sean away from orange lashes splayed across pale, freckled cheeks. Warm morning sunlight played across Crest’s hair, giving a halo effect that left Sean transfixed in this soft, stolen moment. Despite their…history, they’d never woken up together before.

Technically they hadn’t woken up together now. Sean shouldn’t be lingering. He should get up, stretch, make his way to the bathroom and then into the kitchen. He had a job to do, a mission he’d committed to. It was a mission Crest had cared enough about to travel away from their partner for an indeterminate period of time…

Springs creaked as someone on the pull-out sofa stirred. Sean listened to them yawn, stretch, and pull themselves up onto their feet. Sean’s back was to the hallway door, so he couldn’t confirm who had risen, but he could hear Bubbles exuberant laughter resonating from the kitchen. It must be Elder Pearl who just woke up.

The sharp grumbles that rumbled from the far side of the room left no room for doubt that Elder Kelp was the next person up. Again, Sean lay still and silent while they shuffled out of the room and towards the light clatter of kitchen noises. The crisp scent of cooking sausage curled around Sean’s nose, making his stomach grumble. The rhythm of Crest’s breathing shifted, pulling deep into their lungs and growing into a muffled yawn that parted flushed pink lips.

Stop staring at their lips!

Crest’s fingers twitched in Sean’s, squeezing tight as their eyes fluttered open. “Hey,” They breathed, closing their eyes and smiling. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Sean fought the urge to shuffle forward and press his forehead to theirs. “How did you sleep?”

Crest’s smile curved into a curl of satisfaction across their face, and they hummed softly with their next breath. “Good.” Pale eyelashes fluttered in a sea of freckles, and pulled back to reveal warm amber eyes that glowed in the morning light. “You?”

“I slept well, thank you.” Sean’s shoulders tensed as soon as the words were out, but he couldn’t call them back. They rang of his angry accountant persona that still reared its head when he was agitated or overwhelmed.

Crest must have noticed, because an instant later the warm sleepy expression that had painted their face pulled back into something more shuttered and watchful.

“I hope you’re hungry,” Sean said, sitting up and letting the motion carry his hand away from Crest’s as naturally as he could. “Avani’s been busy cooking.”

Crest sat up, pulling their knees close to their chest in the same movement. The smile that flickered across their face looked oddly sad. “That’s sweet of her.”

“We made the decision to Journey to Pacifica together. When Avani commits, she doesn’t back down.”

Crest let his eyes fall to a streak of sunlight puddled on the floor. They hummed softly, thoughtfully, and that sounded sad too. “You made the decision together.”

“Had to.” Sean stared at the windows on the far wall, watching the light shine through the trees just outside. “It wouldn’t be fair if it wasn’t unanimous.” Sean shrugged, pushing against a sensation of weight that tried to settle over him. “I had nothing to lose, but this could really impact Kavya and her family.”

He could feel Crest smiling at him again, could see it out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t turn to look at them. This whole situation was too soft, too intimate to be safe. “I’m going to run to the restroom before breakfast. Unless you need it first?”

Crest shook their head. “I’m fine.”

Their words sounded hollow, but Sean made himself turn away anyway. Crest was… they weren’t Sean’s partner, and respecting that required distance. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

“…See you.”

Sean passed Swish in the hall with a tired nod, and slipped into the bathroom. He didn’t linger over his morning routine. He wasn’t going to hide in the bathroom, or miss out on any important conversations.

Crest wasn’t waiting for their turn in the restroom when Sean stepped out and started moving down the hallway. As deeply as Sean had slept, Crest could’ve gone to the restroom every hour during the night, and he would never have noticed.

Kavya and Miguel were the only ones missing when Sean rounded the corner into Avani and Coraline’s bright, warm kitchen. Everyone who was up was crowded around the massive dining table in the abutting room. As soon as Sean was in view a chorus of greetings echoed around the table.

Avani flicked off the stove and smiled over her shoulder at him as he stepped into the kitchen. “Grab a plate and help yourself. I’ve got a little of everything, all vegetarian.”

“Of course.” They shared a knowing smile between them. They’d both loved people born in Pacifica, a society that subsisted mostly on seaweed, even if Sean’s love story had been fleeting.

Avani walked into the dining room and sat close beside her wife. Coraline instantly leaned against Avani’s side, turning her head to press a kiss against Avani’s temple. That was a love story for the ages. Coraline had shared her story with Sean, in the years since Crest’s Journey. She’d been sure from day one that land had too much to offer for her to miss out. She’d stayed for herself, and had been able to grow the love that started to blossom on her Journey.

It never could have worked the same way for him and Crest. They both had too much they wanted to be present for in their respective worlds to give them up, even for love.

Their time apart hadn’t been bad to Crest. They were taller, a little border, and still smiled like a second sun.

As if they felt Sean’s gaze, or could hear his thoughts, Crest turned their head to peer at him, gentle curiosity written across their face.

Sean smiled, because he couldn’t help himself. He also waved before he could force himself to turn towards the trays of food and stacks of cutlery Avani had laid out. He put scrambled eggs, toast with fresh raspberry jam, and cubed honeydew melon on a plate. Avani had made both coffee and tea, but Sean bypassed them both in favor of the pitcher of iced water.

When he returned to the dining room, Sean saw the only open spot at the table was on the end, just across from Crest.

Because of course it was.

A weird mix of disappointment and relief swam in Sean’s belly, souring some of his appetite.

“I saved you half a blueberry muffin if you want some.”

Warm amber eyes were waiting for Sean when he looked up, and they held him in place like a sticky patch of honey.

Sean swallowed. “I’m sorry?”

“I saved you half a blueberry muffin.” Crest gestured to their plate, and half of a neatly cut muffin. “It was the last one in the package.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Sean was trying, and failing, to hide his growing smile behind his hand.

“I know, that’s why I only saved you half.”

Sean barked out a laugh that triggered and answering grin from Crest. “You can have the whole muffin,” Sean said, still beaming. “I’m good with my toast.”

Crest glanced down at Sean’s plate and shrugged. “Suit yourself.” They popped the muffin between smiling lips, and it took Sean an indecently long time to look away. If he was ever going to have a working relationship with Crest that didn’t give him whiplash, he was going to have to get a hold of himself.

Sean lifted his toast and tried to take in the rest of the table. Everyone, by necessity, was sitting close together, but it wasn’t the uncomfortable kind of close. All the Elders seemed as comfortable eating off each other’s plates as they had been sharing beds last night. It shouldn’t have been surprising. Nearly every part of mer life was communal.

Despite the serious task ahead of them, everyone seemed very focused on right now. Was this part of mer going with the flow? Or were they saving strategizing for after they’d settled into the bungalow? Would Sean be allowed to be part of strategizing? He’d been so focused on getting everyone here safely, he hadn’t bothered to ask. He’d just assumed he’d be involved because after the decision had been made, he’d been part of the Journey back every step of the way. They wouldn’t have explained the details of their plan to set up the bungalow as a base of operation if they didn’t mean to include him, right? Even if he was just a contact, Sean wanted to help.

Sean’s mind tripped over thoughts of Dorothy and the docuseries work he’d been missing out on. It was a great project, but the potential of going to Pacifica had cut right to the heart of what Sean hoped to achieve. Now that he’d completed that mission, had he cut himself out of good human assignments? No. That wouldn’t happen. He couldn’t do everything, but not doing one project was hardly career ending. He needed to know the next steps for the mer and then…then he could figure out the rest.

The honeydew was ripe and juicy, bringing fresh moisture to Sean’s suddenly dry mouth. Toast hadn’t been a good choice. He started on the eggs instead, and managed to get halfway through his portion before Kavya and Miguel rounded the corner into the kitchen hand in hand. They looked a little sleep rumpled, even though they’d changed into fresh clothes. It had probably been hard to sleep with a small pod of mer crashing in her mother’s living room.

Sean waved silently and smiled. Kavya wasn’t a morning person on the best of days; hopefully the sounds of breakfast hadn’t woken her.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” That was Coraline, beaming at the daughter she’d had to leave behind the past few weeks.

“Grab some plates,” Avani encouraged, waving them both over. “We can make room.”

Sean seriously doubted the physics of her assertion, the dining table seemed stretched to capacity, but he didn’t protest. If Avani said they could make room, they would make room somehow.

“Mom…”

“It’s really no trouble,” Avani insisted. She was already moving, and the rest of the table shuffled closer, trying to squeeze out a few more inches of space. Elder Kelp didn’t look amused, but Bubbles looked like they were about to drape themselves across Elder Swish’s lap without a second thought.

Sean glanced across the table at Crest. They were technically separated by the end of the table but there might be enough room to push the table away from the wall and—

“Before we eat,” Kavya began, squeezing Miguel’s hand so hard her knuckles paled, “We need to let you know something.”

Avani and Coraline shared a glance and the rest of the table fell suddenly silent. Coraline was the first to recover. “What do you need to tell us?”

Kavya took a breath, like she was bracing herself, and Sean felt his own muscles tighten in anticipation. This wasn’t going to be bad news…right? Kavya would have told him yesterday if anything really bad was happening. Wouldn’t she?

Have I been ignoring my bestie again?

Sean hadn’t been back for more than twelve hours, but he’d had absolutely no contact with anyone on land for a little over two weeks. …A lot could happen in two weeks.

Kavya’s lips parted. “Miguel and I… are getting married.”

Coraline blinked and Avani’s shoulders dropped a few inches.

“Sweetheart,” Coraline began, but Avani finished for her.

“You told us that before your Mom and Sean left for Pacifica.” Avani smiled and her brows quirked up like she was asking a silent question. “You told us before Sean even knew he could transform, if I’m not mistaken.”

“I meant that we’re getting married soon,” Kavia rushed to reply, sounding breathless. “In ten days if we can swing it. We’re trying to beat the rush of the busy season.”

Another moment of silence passed.

“Kavya, you don’t have to rush anything. If—”

“Mummy, this isn’t rushing. Not to me. When I said yes to Miguel, I meant it, and I… I just want to be married, to be his wife before,” she gestured at the crowded room, “before anything changes.”

Avani and Coraline both opened their mouths, but they barely got a single syllable out before Elder Kelp stood, commanding everyone’s attention. “We don’t know yet that anything will change.” Slowly, Elder Kelp began to move around the table, walking towards Kavya with a calm, friendly expression they might have meant to be comforting. “All of this may come to nothing. We’re exploring what this could mean, but it might not mean anything. Sometimes odd things happen, and that’s all they are. This happens on land too, if I’m not mistaken.” Elder Kelp stopped walking an arm’s length away, close enough to reach out and place a hand on Kavya’s shoulder, but they made no move to touch her.

“It can,” Kavya agreed, “but this isn’t just about Sean’s mission to Pacifica.” She scanned the room again and Sean could see Miguel squeezing her hand in his for support. “Things can happen unexpectedly, just like you said, Elder Kelp.” When Kavya’s gaze passed across their face, the corners of Elder Kelp’s lips tugged down. It wasn’t outright disapproval or irritation, but they didn’t look happy. “Things can change without any warning,” Kavya continued. “I have no control over that, but I can control what I do with my life in this moment.” She turned to look at Miguel, and they smiled at each other in a soft, simple way that tugged on Sean’s heartstrings. Kavya and Miguel were the real thing.

“I said I didn’t want to wait when you asked to marry me,” Kavya said, speaking directly to Miguel now, “I said it before we knew Sean could transform, or what that might mean, and I meant it.”

“I know that now.” Miguel leaned close until his forehead brushed Kavya’s. “That’s why I said yes.”

For the first time that morning Sean wondered if Kavya and Miguel looked sleep worn because they’d been up talking. Even if that was the case, Sean doubted this decision had been made in a single night. Miguel had been good to Kavya over the years, hell in the last two months he’d shown up for Sean, Avani, and Coraline without question or complaint. He was reliable, kind, loyal, and honest. He hadn’t said much during the initial debate about Pacifica, but he hadn’t been silent. He thought about everything he did. What Sean had missed in the past few weeks hadn’t been bad news, it had been Kavya communicating with her partner and planning their next steps as a couple together. Sean would bet Miguel had said yes to a quick marriage the moment he understood it wasn’t a fear-based decision.

“Marriage is when humans declare each other as partners, right?” Bubbles asked.

Kavya nodded, blinking rapidly as she eased back from Miguel and turned to face them. “That’s right. Partners for life.”

Swish tilted their head to one side and hummed thoughtfully. “I never understood how humans could know that ahead of time. Mer can partner for life, but they can end a partnership that isn’t working.”

“Humans can do that too,” Miguel answered. “We call it divorce. Lots of humans view marriage and divorce differently, but speaking for myself, I think of it as a promise to try. I can’t guarantee Kavya and I will be good partners for each other the rest of our lives, but I want to promise to try for that, work for that, and always respect her and want the best for her no matter what happens.”

“We can’t pull something big together in ten days,” Avani said gently. “Are you sure you won’t’ be disappointed?”

Kavya didn’t hesitate. “I never wanted a big wedding mummy. We can ask the club if they’ll let us rent one of their smaller rooms for a reception or another venue, or even the backyard. It would be nice to get married on the beach, but the only non-negotiable thing is the groom.” She smiled up at Miguel again, and it was a picture-perfect moment.

“Is this…wedding something we could witness?” Elder Pearl asked slowly. “I don’t want to be rude; it’s been a long time since I thought about human customs.”

Again, the muscles in Sean’s abdomen tightened, bracing for refusal. Kavya had been the most dissenting voice about this mission. She wouldn’t want—”

“We’d love to have you there,” Kavya said with a smile.

Sean nearly choked on his water. “W-what?” He spluttered.

Kavya looked back at him unflinching. “What, what? This thing is happening.” She gestured at the mer gathered around her mom’s dining table. “I had my say and I agreed to this mission. It’s a little late to get cold feet.” Her smile curled in at the edges, and she shrugged. “Plus, we could use the help.”

“Oh, I see,” Sean retorted, smiling back at her. “This is about free labor.”

Kavya made finger guns at him, finally releasing Miguel’s hand. “You know it. There’s too much for my Man of Honor to do alone.”

Sean’s throat felt tight for a moment. Man of Honor. Kavya had always said he’d be the one standing beside her if and when she was married. She’d meant it, and she hadn’t forgotten.

Coraline sat forward in her chair. “Kavya—”

“You’d like us to help with the wedding?” Elder Swish asked.

Kavya shrugged again, a little more self-conscious this time. “I mean, if you want to. No one’s obligated. I was joking about demanding free labor.”

The mer looked at each other, smiles creeping across most of their faces.

“It would be a good opportunity to see human traditions in action,” Crest offered. “And we’d learn more by helping than just witnessing.”

General murmurs of agreement swept around the table. Most of the people there were nodding and starting to ask questions.

“What would we need to do?” Bubbles asked, looking genuinely curious. A human in a similar situation might have looked suspicious, but mer weren’t cruel like humans could be.

“Only what you wanted to,” Kavya replied. “Helping carry things, set up decorations, make simple things with your hands. Mom, Mummy, Miguel, Sean, and I would take the lead and show you how to do anything we’re asking that you’re not familiar with.”

“How should—"

“Don’t forget we need to leave for the Bungalow soon,” Elder Kelp cut in. “There’s much to accomplish on this…” they seemed to search for words before settling on, “fact finding mission. Even if we do start by helping with a wedding.”

“You don’t have to leave so soon, Kelpy,” Coraline replied.

“We left Pacifica for a reason. We need—”

“Coraline was talking before you got up,” Bubbles spoke up, jumping a little in their seat as if they were trying to physically seize an opportunity to speak. “She said she could make space for two of us in the guest room.”

“That isn’t necessary,” Elder Kelp insisted. “The bungalow—”

“The bungalow was never built for five people,” Elder Swish protested. “We could make it work, but the point of this mission is to be out in the world with humans.”

“Plenty of humans have roommates or rent rooms,” Bubbles added, their gaze sliding to Coraline’s face as if trying to confirm their assertion even as they spoke it. “It would give us a more realistic experience than starting from the bungalow.”

Elder Kelp’s rusty brows lifted towards their hairline. “It’s already been decided?”

“Well,” color started to creep up Bubble’s neck. “Swish and I were talking. They want to see how Coraline has been living her life, because they knew her before, and I’d really like the chance to get a refresher on human culture before diving in with humans who don’t know about Pacifica.”

“We’d be happy to have you stay with us,” Avani confirmed, slipping an arm around Coraline’s waist.

“That would give us more room in the bungalow,” Elder Pearl mused. “With just three of us we could—”

“Didn’t you say you had a spare room, Sean?”

Sean swallowed and turned his head, meeting Crest’s expectant face. A streak of sunlight was playing across their cheeks, spotlighting their freckles.

Focus!

“I—ehem,” Sean cleared his suddenly dry throat. “I did, yes. I do. Have a spare room, yes.”

Crest’s alluring amber eyes searched Sean’s face. They might have leaned the slightest bit closer across the table. “Could I stay with you?” lovely spots of color bloomed over Crest’s cheeks, making their freckles glow. “If your offer is still good, I mean.” They started to look away. “There is room at the bungalow like Elder Pearl said, and—”

“You can stay,” Sean blurted out. “With me.” He forced himself to take a breath and ignore the heat breaking out across his face. “You can stay with me, Crest.”

Crest’s eyes locked with Sean’s in a look so intense there should have been actual sparks. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Sean didn’t need to think about it. “You can stay with me.”

A tiny, traitorous part of Sean’s heart whispered: Always.

~*~*~*~

Despite the buttery yellow afternoon lift, Sean’s apartment was cold and dark when he unlocked the door to welcome Crest inside. Shopping bags crinkled in each of their hands as they set down their burdens in the entranceway. Everything looked clean, sterile. The only indication that someone actually lived here was a small pile of mail gathered on Sean’s kitchen table.

Avani and Kavya had helped keep his place in order while he’d been away. Kavya and her family often stepped in to keep things running when Sean was away on assignment, but this time it was part of a more substantial favor; one Sean was starting to doubt he’d ever be able to repay.

“Huh…” Crest strolled through the open plan common areas of Sean’s apartment. The purple chunky heels they hadn’t been able to resist wearing home clacked softly against the wood style paneling of the floor. “This is your home?”

“This is it,” Sean agreed, watching Crest explore his place and trying to see the familiar surroundings through Crest’s eyes. The walls were pale off-white, just bright enough to reflect the sunlight that streamed through the windows. Sean almost never needed to turn on electric lights to see clearly, and when he did he was bolstered by the knowledge of solar panels on the roof. The ecological mindedness that had gone into this building was one of the main draws for Sean. Would Crest recognize the energy saving measures that had been taken with construction? Would they care?

Crest’s fingers trailed across the seashell bowl in Sean’s entry after they’d made a full circuit of the room. A faint smile tugged at the corners of Crest’s mouth, but when they looked back at Sean their expression seemed tinged with sadness.

“It’s kind of…empty, isn’t it?”

That hadn’t been the reaction Sean had been expecting. Then again, on their Journey, Crest had seen Kavya’s house, Sean’s house, the school, and a variety of public spaces. Each place they’d been was full of things, a fact that had stood out to Sean more and more as they years went by. Even the bungalow was decorated like a human home, complete with artwork, desktop computer, and nick knacks that made it looked lived in. Maybe it was a collection of things during each Journey, or maybe it was part of the magic, working as a secondary disguise if a human ever got past the main gate and into the bungalow.

Sean had felt the prickle of magic against his skin when he’d accompanied Crest and the others to the bungalow so they could take some of the bungalow’s money for the purposes of expanding their very limited wardrobes. Sean and Kavya also suggested the mer invest in more cell phones to help them all keep in touch. Elder Kelp had blustered that they should only take what they needed, but the magic or the bungalow itself had clearly agreed with the human’s; there had been more than enough money for each mer to go shopping for both clothes and a cell phone each.

“Sean?” Crest was closer now, peering at Sean with curious concern.

“Hm? “ Sean blinked, then winced at himself. Now was not the time to zone out. “Sorry, yes. I guess so?” He glanced around the apartment. “I have everything I need here.”

Crest glanced around them, then back at Sean. “You like it this…bare?”

Sean shrugged, pushing at the sudden sensation of weight on his shoulders. “I don’t need much. Plus, I’m away a lot filming.” Another shrug.

“Do you travel when you’re filming rom-com’s too?” Crest leaned their shoulder against the wall and looked at Sean intently, like they wanted to spend the rest of the day talking to him. “Or do those shoots keep you a little closer to home?”

“I…” Sean looked away, breaking eye-contact. “I don’t film rom-com’s anymore.”

“You don’t?” Crest’s forehead rippled between their brows like a wave. “Why not? You love rom-coms. You want to tell queer love stories and—”

“I wanted to tell queer love stories,” Sean corrected. “Now I’ve got something better to do.”

Crest’s frown deepened, pulling the corners of their mouth down towards their jaw. “Better?”

“Rom-coms are about selling a fantasy…” Sean crossed his arms, trying not to squirm under Crest’s penetrating gaze. “I wanted to focus on something real.”

“Something real?” Crest shook their head and leaned forward. “Weren’t you always telling me about how some—what’s the word?—tropes didn’t age well? How you wanted to update some of the classic stories and make them what they could be?”

“I did.” Sean resisted the urge to lean back. He didn’t need to hide from this decision. He’d made the responsible choice. The adult choice. It was the only choice he could have made.

Crest’s head listed to one side, and they peered at him like they were searching for an answer on his skin. “Then why did you give up on rom-coms?”

Something unpleasant burned in Sean’s chest. He uncrossed his arms, but his hands stayed curled into fists at his side. “It’s not how the industry works, Crest. There…” Sean sighed, letting his fingers fall loose. He could feel blood pumping back into them with every heartbeat. “There isn’t enough time to do both.”

“You had to choose…” The weight of Crest’s gaze finally fell away. They were staring at the seashell bowl on the small table in Sean’s entrance way.

“I don’t regret it.”

Crest’s eyes snapped back to Sean’s wide and disbelieving. “You don’t?”

Sean shook his head. “I can’t regret it. I’m doing important work with the documentaries I’ve been part of.” He breathed around the tightness in his chest and told himself again it wasn’t useless longing. “The Blue is worth it. This is important work.”

Pale, thin fingers tapped a nervous rhythm against Sean’s entryway table. “Would you still choose if you didn’t have too?”

“I can’t have both, so there’s no point in thinking about that.” There. That wasn’t an angry accountant at all; he’d used too many contractions for that. Trying to soften his voice a little, Sean added, “Come on. Let’s get you settled in the spare room.” He stooped to heft the shopping bags into his hands—all of them—and walked off down the hall.

Sean’s apartment wasn’t large; the door to the spare room was just around the corner, but his hands were a little too full to turn the doorknob. Sean nudged the wood, ineffectually, with his hips a few times, trying to shoulder his way inside.

“Let me.” Crest slipped close beside him, pressing their bodies together for a brief moment while they turned the knob, and the door gave way to the pressure of the two of them pressed against it.

“Thank you.” It was a thin, reedy reply that Sean could only hope Crest ignored, or blamed on the weight of the shopping bags, which really weren’t that bad.

“I’m surprised you have a spare room when the rest of your apartment is so empty.”

“Technically,” Sean replied, picking his way between the door and the bed, “It’s an office that Eric co-opted as a spare bedroom before he moved out.” There was still a desk and storage boxes full of camera equipment along one wall, which created narrow walkways around the bed, the door, and the closet.

“I’m sorry it’s a little messy,” Sean continued, setting the shopping bags down on the full-sized mattress. “I can clear my stuff out of here and get you some fresh sheets.”

Crest trailed after him, without really looking at the room around them. “Who’s Eric?”

“Um…” Sean swallowed and shrugged. “He’s an ex. We used to be boyfriends, almost a year ago now. It didn’t last. We broke up.”

Cool fingers settled across Sean’s wrist, drawing his attention back to Crest’s lovely face. Their frown had softened into something more poignant and full of compassion. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t a good match.”

“I don’t have the part of your heart that I’m asking for.”

Sean cleared his throat and added. “We’re happier apart.”

Crest’s fingers slipped around Sean’s hand and squeezed, a silent show of camaraderie that was almost too much to bear.

If they keep looking at me like that—

Sean added the pressure of his fingers to Crest’s, returning the squeeze. “I’m alright.”

I have to be.

He pulled a smile across his face that was almost genuine. “I think I can get this room set up in twenty minutes if you want to rest, watch television, or scroll on your phone.”

Crest held Sean’s gaze a beat longer before something shifted behind their eyes. Their mouth curved up into a playful grin. “And let you decide where to hang up my new bodysuits? I don’t think so.”

~*~*~*~

The next few days passed quickly and, thankfully, they were busy ones. Kavya didn’t want complicated, but she was very serious about pulling a wedding together in ten days. She was both captain and task master rolled into one. Sean was only too happy to follow Kavya’s direction if it meant he didn’t have too much time to think. Lingering on the realization the Crest was here, on land, often less than a room away, breathing the same air as Sean again after all these years…those were dangerous thoughts. Even now they crept in during the quiet moments before sleep, because it was impossible to ignore that sharing Crest’s company felt as easy as breathing.

Despite previous discussion of the bungalow being the base of operations, everyone regularly congregated at Kavya’s mom’s place. The morning after their sleepover Kavya sent out mass texts summoning them to the first of many planning meetings so that they could divide and conquer all the necessary tasks.

Everyone was excited and on board from the get-go. Well, almost everyone. Elder Kelp was concerned about the mer falling behind on their real mission. The other mer argued that helping Kavya with her wedding was at the heart of their mission to explore the possibility of greater involvement with humans on land. In the end Elder Kelp agreed to help with the same grace they’d accepted that Sean’s mission might have a chance after all. It was kind of inspiring to watch the quiet and studious dedication they brought to every task put to them without complaint or any apparent resentment. Humans had so much to learn.

And still, the mer who’d accompanied Sean on his Journey back to land were humble and eager to learn more at every opportunity. Team Kavya’s Wedding was equally divided between mer and humans, so there was always someone who could navigate the tricker, more human component of things. It was like a mirror to his time in Pacifica, a constant flow of information and ideas. The humans were getting to show the mer things they’d only been able to talk about before, or hadn’t seen in years, and the mer shared their reactions and thoughts freely. Every moment of wonder made Sean look at the world around him with new eyes.

It was impossible not to think about Crest’s Journey, and all the dangerous feelings those memories stirred up. Thankfully, there was plenty to do. Sean tackled every wedding planning task Kavya threw his way, and tried to keep himself in a coach/mentor mindset. They had a mission, a job to focus on. Everything else could wait.

Right now, Team Kavya’s Wedding was in the divide stage of divide and conquer. Elder Crest and Elder Pearl, Kavya, and Coraline were out picking out decorations. Meanwhile, Elder Swish and Elder Bubbles were with Avani and Miguel helping Miguel’s family prepare food. That left Sean and Crest sitting across from each other at the dining table, folding wedding programs.

Kavya had gone for the cheapest option, printing a simple one-page program that could be elegantly folded into three sections. Her idea was that each program double as a fan in case the weather was warmer than expected. She’d stayed this morning just long enough to ensure Sean and Crest could reproduce the style she was looking for.

And now they were alone.

Soft, papery sounds flitted through the air between them as they worked in silence. Crest’s gaze was laser focused on their task and their hands moved quickly from one paper to the next. They’s been outpacing Sean for the last twenty minutes at least. Maybe the practice they’d had weaving nets for hauling seaweed in Pacifica made this task easy for them. They certainly made it look easy. And graceful.

“Am I doing it wrong?”

Bright amber eyes were staring expectantly back at Sean.

f*ck.

He’d had been staring.

Again.

“N-no, you’re fine.” Sean pulled his lips up into a smile. “I’m just impressed at how fast you’re going.”

Crest smiled back and it pulled at something tender in Sean’s chest. “The way everyone was talking, I thought this would be much more…” they glanced down at the stack of programs, “challenging to make happen.”

“Weddings definitely can be complicated,” Sean agreed, “It helps that Kavya wants to keep everything simple.”

Crest’s gaze swept the room and all of its various supplies and plans for the wedding. “All of this is simple? The folding isn’t hard, but all ten of us are busy all day. By mer standards this is extravagant.” Crest set down one perfectly folded program and picked up another flat sheet waiting to be formed into fancy wedding fan art. “This is more than the magic that welcomes new merbabies, just not as difficult.”

Sean spurred his own fingers into motion. He couldn’t let Crest do this on their own. “Weddings can be the human equivalent of welcoming new life.”

“Huh?” Crest’s forehead was a rippling wave of confusion. “Weddings aren’t how humans make babies.”

“No, but in some times and places in the world weddings were…a precursor to babies. It was a bad thing if babies came before a wedding.”

“Why?”

Crest looked so flabbergasted it was difficult not to laugh.

“Because humans are stupid sometimes.” Sean smiled and shook his head. “It never made any sense to me either.”

“But you still celebrate weddings?”

Sean looked down at his hands, concentrating on the folds, trying to make them as careful and precise as Kavya deserved. “For me, weddings are a celebration of a partnership, and two people starting their life together. Babies or no babies, love in all its forms is worth celebrating.”

Crest was silent until Sean finally lifted his brown eyes back up to their face. They smiled, soft and sweet, the kind of smile that pulled Sean closer like an industrial magnet. “That, we can agree on.”

Butterflies and jellyfish swooped in Sean’s stomach, making him feel lightheaded.

The sound of rustling paper stopped.

Sean could hear the hum of electricity filling the air between them. It was time to name what was happening, or what had happened, rather, and what was obviously never going to happen again.

“So, I think—”

“I need to tell you—”

Crest and Sean stopped at the same moment, waited a beat, then chuckled.

“Sorry,” Sean shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “You go first.”

“No,” Crest insisted, shaking their head. “I interrupted you.”

Another round of chuckles, shaking out nervous energy.

“Well,” Sean mustered his will to try again. “I want you to know I—”

“I brought back extras!” That was Miguel’s voice, ringing loud and clear through the house. “I hope you’re hungry!”

“But first, we have decorations to organize!” That was Kavya’s voice, stepping into the house just after her fiancé.

Crest and Sean gazes crashed together again. Unanswered questions swam between their irises.

“We should go help them,” Sean prompted, taking the out the universe had offered him. Maybe he was overthinking things. He probably was. Crest and he…they’d said everything that needed to be said years ago.

Crest looked back at Sean like they would press him for answers, but they blinked and a spark went out behind their eyes. “Okay.”

~*~*~*~

They weren’t alone again for three days.

Again, it happened at Kavya’s mom’s home, but this time it wasn’t purposeful. Kavya had been out with her mom’s, Swish, and Bubbles securing her dress when the Santa Monica Beach Club called. They’d had a cancelation in their reservations and were offering Kavya and Miguel a room for their reception, but only if they could make it there together to sign the contract by the end of the day. Miguel had rushed out with Elder Pearl and Elder Kelp to retrieve Kavya but preserve the secret of the dress—one of the few traditions Kavya wanted to follow. They’d be able to make it, but they were fighting traffic. It wouldn’t be a quick trip.

But it wasn’t a problem.

There was always work to do.

Crest settled in the living room and began assembling centerpieces and other bits of decoration. Each assembled item was placed carefully in a large moving box, ready to be whisked away to the venue in a few short days.

Sean, meanwhile, parked himself in the office down the hall to work on Kavya and Miguel’s honeymoon. That was a surprise gift from their parents; seven days and six nights in Puerto Rico. Sean had helped come up with the idea during a secret late night wedding meeting and, because he’d been the one who’d most recently traveled there to document the bioluminescent beach in Mosquito Bay, Sean had volunteered to make the final reservations. It was a good surprise. Sean was happy to help. It kept him occupied.

…until something loud and ominous crashed to the floor in the living room.

“sh*t!” Sean jumped up from the computer in Avani’s office, knocking the chair over in the process. He didn’t stop to pick it up again. “Crest!”

“I’m okay!”

Sean leapt down the hallway and grabbed the frame of the archway to the living room to propel his body around the corner. He was just in time to see Crest pull themselves up from a tangle of cardboard and scattered beach stones.

“Really, I’m fine,” Crest insisted. “Just embarrassed.”

Sean felt a burst of heat across his palm before it registered that he’d reached for Crest. He stared at his fingers as they cradled the side of Crest’s face. Surprised orange eyes met his, but Crest didn’t back away or voice any complaint. Sean worked his tongue across the roof of his suddenly dry mouth, trying to pull enough moisture to speak properly. He still sounded raspy when he asked, “What happened?”

Crest frowned and turned to stare at the floor. Sean dropped his hands to his side and pushed both thumbs through belt loops for good measure. His hands couldn’t go rouge if they had a leash.

“I was trying to practice the waltz,” the way Crest emphasized the word ‘waltz’ made it sound like a foreign and dangerous concept, “and I tripped over one of the supply boxes.” Crest’s frown deepened when they leaned down and traced their hands across a wide stretch of torn cardboard. “I broke it.”

“We can fix the box,” Sean promised. “Or get another one. It’s not a problem, and the box is just for transport; it’s not a decoration.”

Crest thumbed the edge of the box and didn’t look at Sean. “I’ve seen a lot of these near the patch…”

Sean’s chest squeezed.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

“Kavya recycles her cardboard, and so do I.”

“Recycle?” Crest finally looked up, a little ripple of confusion forming between their eyebrows.

“It’s a process that lets us re-use items, so they don’t go to waste or pollute the earth.”

“Right.” Crest nodded. “I remember now.” They frowned at the box again. “How could this be reused?”

Sean crouched down and prodded the box in question. It was full of centerpieces for the wedding. They were clear glass bottles filled with tiny sea stones, which created a nest for a single rolled up piece of parchment. Each bottle was sealed with a cork wrapped with twine. Under the bottles were bags of larger sea stones that Kavya wanted scattered across the reception tables. One of these bags had been torn open when Crest fell and scattered its contents across the floor.

“Eventually this box might be shredded for packing material, or compost. Right now, let’s pick up the stones, then put this box inside another one to reinforce it; these supplies are heavy. It could have broken without someone falling on it.” Sean scooped out the torn bag and started dropping loose sea stones back inside. Crest knelt beside him to help. A few minutes later they had the sea stone bag sealed with aggressive layers of tape and the original box was nestled seamlessly inside one that was just slightly larger.

“There we go.” Sean stood up, brushing his hands across the khaki fabric of his pants. “Fixed.” He turned to smile at Crest, but they were still looking at the box. Sean wanted to smooth the furrow across their brow with his fingertips. “Crest.”

They looked up, and their warm, amber gaze pulled Sean in like it had its own gravitational force. Sean swallowed and tried to speak around the sticky feeling in his chest. “Kavya won’t be mad. It’s fine. Things happen.”

“Will you teach me how to dance?”

“W-what?” Sean felt his own brows pull together and shook his head.

“Will you teach me how to dance?” Crest asked again, taking half a step closer. “I was trying to follow a video on my phone and…” they gestured to the box Sean had just helped them repair. “I want to get it right at Kavya’s wedding.”

Sean stared at Crest, then the box, then back again. “Crest, you don’t have to—”

“I can learn.” Warmth flooded across Sean’s front as Crest nearly closed the distance between them. “The video said it wouldn’t take long, and I want to get it right.”

“You really don’t need to worry about it,” Sean soothed. “I’m not even sure Kavya knows how to waltz.”

Crest blinked. “What?” They looked at their phone, still propped up on the dining room table. “But the internet said the waltz is a popular dance at weddings.”

“It can be.” Sean tried very hard not to grin too broadly. “But like the ‘marriage must happen before babies’ thing; humans have generally let go of the idea that certain things have to happen at a wedding. Most people just stand on the dance floor and let their bodies move to the music. It’s one of the few places we actually go with the flow.”

“Oh.”

Sean waited, but an answering grin didn’t break out across Crest’s face. Instead their expression fell into flat disappointment.

“Okay.”

Crest started to turn, but Sean’s hand was on their elbow, coaxing them back before they could get away. “I-if you want to learn I can teach you, kind of. I barely know the steps, honestly, but I think we could figure it out together, if you wanted.”

“You don’t have to,” Crest said, mirroring Sean’s earlier statement. “It’s fine.”

It was Sean’s turn to step closer, brushing against Crest’s body with his own. “If you want to learn the waltz, let’s learn the waltz.”

Crest looked up at him, searching Sean’s face with their eyes, and then a small smile curved itself across their lips. “Okay.’ They straightened and smoothed their palms down their front like they were brushing off dust from their tumble to the floor. “What do we do first?”

“Well,” Sean glanced around, gaze landing on Crest’s cell phone. “Let me watch the video for a bit to refresh my memory.” He stepped around the boxes Crest had been filling, moving them back as he went to give them more space to dance in. When Sean reached the phone he lifted it towards Crest. “Unlock it for me?”

“The passcode is 1998.”

Sean blinked. “Oh.” He glanced down at Crest’s phone, then back up at Crest. “Why?”

“Ever After.”

It took a few moments for Crest’s words to register, and when they did, Sean felt a jolt of electricity run straight through him.

Ever After was Sean’s favorite rom-com. Empowered female lead who literally doesn’t need anyone to rescue her, pulling back from toxic family members, and a celebration of intelligence. It even hinted at a happy ending for both the seemingly less desirable stepsister and the queer characters. It came out in 1998.

And Crest had remembered.

It had mattered enough to remember and use as their passcode for their phone. They hadn’t hesitated when they told him either. Did they know the trust they were placing in Sean? Or was that more of mer communal mentality; not questioning if they should let someone close or not because they were all part of a larger community at all times.

“Sean?”

Brown irises collided with amber ones. “Huh?”

Crest glanced towards their phone. “The video?”

“Right, sorry.” Sean tapped in the passcode and pressed play on the video. The steps were pretty much what he remembered from several rom-com fueled sleepovers when he was a kid. “Okay, the waltz is kind of a box step.”

Crest’s head tilted to one side. “A box step?”

“Your steps are generally moving in a box shaped pattern.” Sean drew an invisible box in the air in front of him with his fingers. “But only kind of, because you can also spin and turn while you’re moving through the steps.”

“Okay.” Crest’s brows furrowed so hard it scrunched up part of their nose. It was an unbearably cute expression.

Sean’s fingers itched to open the camera app.

“Maybe it’ll be easier to show you?” Sean offered, opening his arms in an approximation of ballroom position.

Crest stepped forward and slid his hands into Sean’s. “Like this?”

“Almost.” Sean couldn’t fight the smile that broke across his features, but he hoped it was encouraging. “Put this hand,” Sean squeezed Crest’s left hand, “rests on my shoulder.”

“What do you do with your hand?” Crest asked, moving their hand immediately to Sean’s shoulder.

“It goes on your waist, if that’s okay?” Sean hesitated, his hand hovering in the air until Crest nodded, giving their permission.

“Why is it different for both of us?” Crest gestured with their chin, indicating their different stances.

“I have the leader position,” Sean explained. “Yours is the following position.”

The ripple in Crest’s forehead moved their freckles. “Because I’m new at dancing?”

“Kind of? I barely know the steps, but it can be easier to learn the following position first. The steps are almost the same, but the follower doesn’t have to decide what direction they’re heading, they just have to trust and follow the leader.”

Crest smiled up at Sean, making Sean’s heart trip over in his chest. “Well, that will be easy.”

Warmth bloomed across Sean’s skin, and he felt suddenly breathless. “I-if you want to lead later, we can practice that too. Or you can lead to start with. Whatever you want.”

“I can follow you, Sean.” Crest’s fingers tightened in place. “Lead the way.”

“It starts with a step forward for me, and backward for you.” Sean leaned forward and Crest moved back, mirroring Sean’s body with theirs.

“Then our feet come together again, before moving to the side.”

Again Crest followed Sean’s direction, staring down at their feet as they inched across Avani and Coraline’s living room floor.

“Then my right foot comes back, so your left foot comes forward, and the other foot slides back to the first corner of the box.”

“Huh.” Crest was still staring down, frowning at the floor and their feet as if they were demanding answers.

Sean bit back a chuckle and explained, “Some people count as they move through the steps the first few times; to help them keep track.”

Wide amber eyes snapped to his face. “There’s counting too?”

“There can be, but only if it helps you. Like this.” Sean started moving again, counting slowly as they worked their way through the steps. “One…two…three. Good. One…two…three. Excellent.”

“It’s not supposed to be this slow,” Crest pouted at the floor.

“We can build up speed,” Sean promised. “We’re just working on getting the steps down first. “One…two…three. Fantastic. A bit faster?”

Crest nodded. “Yes, please. I see the pattern.”

Sean kept time for them, just a bit faster than before. “One, two, three. One two, three. Good job!”

“Keep going,” Crest encouraged.

Sean kept counting, slowly reducing the pause between the numbers until they were moving at when he guessed was the normal speed.

“We’re doing it!” Crest beamed at the floor. “We’re dancing!”

“Now try it while looking at me,” Sean prompted.

Crest’s eyes lifted and Sean immediately lost his footing. “Sorry, sorry. That was my fault. Keep your eyes up, and let’s try again.”

“I’m ready,” Crest nodded, dropping their shoulders from the tight bunch they’d been creeping into.

“One, two, three,” Sean counted again. “One, two, three. Brilliant.”

“It’s like I can feel which way you’re going to move.”

Sean nodded once. “That’s why we’re dancing so close. You know the basic steps now. Feeling them happen is part of it.”

“Like going with the flow,” Crest mused.

“Exactly.” Sean grinned. “You’ll need to do that for the turns and spins.”

Crest’s eyes grew fractionally wider. “Turns and spins?”

“Like this.” Sean lifted his left hand and nudged Crest’s waist with his right.

“Whoa.” Crest stumbled their way through a spin, and landed half against Sean’s chest.

“It takes a little practice,” Sean said, smiling. “Want to run through the basic steps again?”

“Yes, please.”

They moved through the steps of the waltz, building momentum before Shean tried to spin Crest again. This time it was almost smooth. They only stumbled a little before falling back into rhythm.

“Let’s try turning now.”

“How do we do that?” Crest’s voice was a little breathless, and their pulse beat quick against Sean’s thumb when it brushed their wrist.

“I shift the steps a little, like this.” Sean moved, fully expecting Crest to look down again, but they didn’t. They kept their gaze locked on Sean and leaned into him, keeping pace beautifully as Sean spun them between boxes and around furniture.

“I’m kind of dizzy,” Crest admitted, beaming up at Sean.

“Me too.” Sean held them a little tighter. “Do you want to stop?”

Crest’s lips parted. Sean could just see their tongue pressing against the roof of their mouth. A sounded started to rise up their throat—

“Am I interrupting?”

Crest and Sean both jumped, crashing into each other and very nearly toppling over into another pile of boxes.

“K-kavya. Hey.” Sean smiled and slowly took his hands off Crest, once he was sure they wouldn’t fall again. “Did you get everything sorted with the club?”

The smile that curved across Kavya’s lips looked entirely too knowing. “Almost everything’s sorted.”

“Good.” Sean cleared his throat. “That’s good. Glad to hear it.”

“We grabbed some takeout on the way home.” Kavya was still grinning at him, and Sean wasn’t sure how to feel about it. “Come on, help us set everything up.”

“Right. Coming.”

Kavya snickered and Sean nudged her shoulder as he brushed past her.

In the kitchen the others were trickling in and setting out cartons of Chinese food. Smiles and greetings rounded the room. “How many more bags are there?” Sean asked, already heading towards the door. “I’ll get them.”

“These are the last of them,” Coraline announced, stepping inside with Swish. Each of them was holding another bag. “Elder Kelp is closing up the car and bringing in the mail.” She shuffled past Sean and set her bag down on the counter. “You can help us set up the food buffet style.”

“On it.” Sean pivoted and reached for the drawer he knew held large salad and serving spoons. Bubbles and Avani were pulling out containers of food and setting them up on the kitchen table, open, while Elder Pearl set up a stack of plates with bunches of fresh chopsticks and clean forks nestled beside them. Sean started placing serving spoons into the containers. When he ran out of those he raided the soup spoons and ladles.

“What should I do?” That was Crest, hanging back in the doorway like they were uncertain of their welcome.

“Will you fold the empty bags and put them back in the car?” Coraline asked, pulling food from the cloth shopping bag she’d carried in. “We’ll forget if we leave it for later.”

Avani chuckled and nodded. “That’s how we ended up with so many to begin with.”

Coraline and Avani had been using cloth shopping bags since before the plastic bag tax that spurred so many other people to buy their own reusable bags.

Crest stepped into the kitchen, inching around the others until they could reach the empty bags piling up on the counter. Sean could feel the heat of their side brushing his as they worked. He glanced up and was immediately caught looking by both Crest and Kavya. Crest smiled at him, which woke the sleeping butterflies in his stomach. Sean smiled back before making himself look at the food again. He had a job to do in the immediate and the broader sense. He needed to stay focused.

Warmth suffused Sean’s spine when Crest leaned back, arms full of bags to return to the car. They both glanced over their shoulders, locked eyes, and smiled. Sean knew he shouldn’t let the tender feelings in his chest spread, but the roots ran deep, twining around every part of him. There was an irrevocable pull drawing Sean back to Crest over and over again, and he was so tired of fighting himself.

“We’ve been found.” Elder Kelp burst into the kitchen, red and gray hair fraying out like worried hands and ruffled through it. “And we’re in danger,” they added, holding out a crumpled bit of paper for everyone to read.

Scratched across the off-white surface with a heavy hand was the two-line message:

FREAKS.

WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

Silence fell like a lead veil across the kitchen and everyone in it. Sean was afraid to breathe too hard, much less make eye-contact, but Elder Kelp had no such reservations.

“This is your fault!” They pointed at Sean. “You brought us here!”

“I’m sor—”

“Hold up.” That was Kavya, setting down a stack of cups and stepping forward. “You don’t know that message had anything to do with mer.”

Elder Kelp’s brows lifted into their hairline. “What else could it be?”

“It could be about my mothers!” Kavya’s shoulders drew up tight around her ears, and she was leaning forward like she was about to launch herself into a race dive. “Most people think mer are fiction, but everyone around here has known my mothers are lesbians for years!”

“Kavya…” Avani lay a hand on Kavya’s shoulder, and Coraline stepped around into Kavya’s line of sight.

“We’ll be alright,” Coraline promised.

“I know you’ll be alright,” Kavya sniffed. “You’ve got me, and I’ll be damned if I let any stupid hom*ophobe hurt my family.”

Frowns and worried glances were traded around the room.

“Even if this isn’t about mer,” Elder Kelp spoke up again, “which we still don’t know, it’s an example of what we’re risking by staying up here. If this is about Coraline and Avani,” they shook the paper in their hand, “what else do we have to look forward to when the world finds out about mer?”

Sean swallowed around a tight knot in his throat. As much as he wanted to argue, Elder Kelp had a point. hom*ophobia and bigotry cost people their lives every day. That had been one of the reasons Sean wanted to bring more queer love stories into the mainstream. Those stories deserved to be told. It could save lives to show other queer people and potential allies that queer love stories could end happily. But that was a battle Sean had wanted to tackle with his eyes open, and he’d still let it go in favor of another important fight with less casualties attached. Could he really ask mer to take this kind of risk?

Brown eyes met amber and the muscles in Sean’s core squeezed tight at the thought of Crest facing that kind of danger. There was no way Sean could ask that of them…

“You’re being short sighted.” That was Kavya, stepping forward to face Elder Kelp directly. “There’s already risk in everything you do. The Blue can be a frightening and unpredictable place sometimes, just like land. That’s not a reason to give up.”

Elder Kelp’s eyes narrowed. “You’re asking too much of us.”

“Your ancestors didn’t give up!” Kavya insisted, lifting her chin defiantly. “They were drowning, alone, and miles from anyone that they thought could help them, but they still fought.”

“We didn’t sign up for war,” Elder Kelp leaned in, unrelenting.

“We’re not asking you too,” Kavya shot back, refusing to give ground. “We’re asking you to try, just like they did. They weren’t fighting an enemy, they were fighting to survive, and they didn’t do it alone. They cried out for help and the Blue gave them what they needed to survive. That generous act of love is the reason your people have gone on Journeys all these years. Now we’re asking you to think about returning that selfless act of love in another way.” Kavya held her hand out, palm up, like she was offering Elder Kelp a hand. “And we’re not asking you to do it alone. We’re willing to be right there with you, every step of the way.”

Tense silence fell across the room like a smothering cloak. Sean could feel everything he’d worked and risked for slipping between his fingers like sand that he’d had no right to hold.

“I want to stay.”

All eyes turned to Crest, who’d stepped forward to stand beside Kavya.

“We hear all the time about how selfish and shortsighted humans are, and they can be,” Crest gestured at the crumbled paper in Elder Kelp’s hands, “But they can also be kind, and thoughtful, and selfless. The Journey isn’t easy, and it’s not without risk, but we still send young mer out into the world because the lessons they learn on their Journey are important. Each Journeyfin has to stay the entire moon cycle even if they get their mark on day one, because it’s about more that just the Journey Mark. We can’t say we gave this mission a chance unless we stay and really try to see if we can make it work.”

The next beat of silence didn’t feel tense, it felt thoughtful, contemplative. Slowly, the other mer in the room started nodding.

Bubbles was the first to speak. “I want to stay too. We just got here.”

“We need to give this a real chance,” Elder Swish added.

“At least one moon cycle with our original plan,” Elder Pearl agreed, “and that can’t start until after the wedding.”

Everyone was smiling now; they were a united front.

“This isn’t anyone’s decision to make but ours,” Crest added. “And I’m not going anywhere.” Their gorgeous amber eyes turned Sean’s way and for a moment Sean’s heart was so full it was hard to breathe.

“But if you would rather go home, Kelpy, we can—”

“I’m not leaving any of you to face this alone,” Elder Kelp declared, cutting off Elder Pearl’s gentle tones. “If we’re going to see where this goes, then let’s see all of it.”

Other people voiced their agreement and different conversations started, but Sean couldn’t look away from Crest. Their gentle smile soothed an old hurt Sean was afraid to name. For the first time since he’d transformed in the Blue, this was starting to feel like something that could last.

~*~*~*~

“Why are we setting this up here?” Crest frowned at the wooden arch they were rapidly assembling in Avani and Coraline’s backyard.

The last two days, since the mer had decided to stay, had been harder for Sean, not easier. Now that he wasn’t holding his breath, waiting for Crest to evaporate from his life as quickly as they’d reappeared, it was so much harder not to imagine the future, and what that might look like for both of them.

“Sean?”

“We’re not going to have much time before the ceremony to get this in place,” Sean explained, forcing his mind back to the present moment. “Securing the main pieces of it now will make it easier on the day. Plus, we’ll be faster if we practice a few times.”

“But we could be building it on the beach. You know, where the wedding will be in the first place.”

Sean dropped his chin to his chest and tried to smother the fond laughter that bubbled up and out anyway.

Crest’s hands flew to their hips, but they couldn’t quite hide the way the corners of their mouth twitched up. “What?”

Sean lifted his head and locked eyes with Crest, not bothering to hide the smile that wanted to slip free. “I hope we can live in a world were driftwood wedding arches can be assembled on a beach ahead of time without being stolen or destroyed.”

“What?!” Amusem*nt fell off Crest’s face and their eyes spread wide open. “Why are you laughing? That’s horrible!”

“It’s terrible behavior,” Sean agreed, still smiling. “I’m laughing because I want to live in a world where more people think like you. That thought makes me happy.”

Crest huffed, but part of their earlier smile was back now. “So, because other people are awful, we’re going to wait until the last minute to set up the driftwood arch on the beach for Kavya and Miguel’s wedding?”

“Pretty much.” Sean agreed. “Will you lift up the center for me? I think I can secure the braces now. We’ll still have to disassemble it later, but it’ll go up quicker the next time.”

“Sure.” Crest stepped up onto the exercise step they were using as a stepladder—it was wider and less likely to collapse on itself—and lifted their arms, hoisting the top of the arch into place.

Sean reached up, gently guiding the top of the arch over one of the support pillars in preparation of securing the brace. He took his time positioning the brace and screw, trying to feel the best spot in the wood. Even though Sean had spent most of his recent years focused on documentaries and conservation focused projects, he’d also helped in a surprising amount of set building. Sean wasn’t convinced that nature needed any help being spectacular on camera, but if it made it easier to get the word out, he’d do what was needed, and try not to waste any resources in the process. Trying to force a screw into the wrong place or screwing too quickly risked wasting both wood and screw.

Slow, careful movements and precise drilling saw the first brace secured. “Hang on,” Sean warned Crest. “I’m going to test the connection.”

In the corner of his eye, Sean saw Crest nod. He set the drill down, braced his hands, and applied pressure. The wood held fast.

Smiling, Sean ran his hand across the top of the arch, passing less than an inch from Crest’s fingers, and prepared to secure the other side.

Before Sean picked up the drill, Crest asked, “Did you have decorations like this at your prom?”

“Um…” Sean blinked and turned to look at Crest, who was looking expectantly back at him. He shrugged and put his attention back on the driftwood in front of him. “It was mostly plastic, glittery decorations.” He paused to drill the guide holes in place. “There was a photo booth, and some pretty shells on the tables, but nothing this beautiful.” The driftwood was smooth under Sean’s fingers. The Blue had worn away all it’s rough surfaces and sent it back to land forever changed.

“Did…” Crest shifted, adjusting their grip. “Who did you go to prom with?”

“I went stag.”

Sean could see the furrow of Crest’s brow just at the edge of his vision.

“Stag?”

The air thickened, probably humidity blowing in off the Blue. Sean swallowed. “I went alone.”

The drill whirred loudly as Sean secured the next round of screws with quick, efficient movements.

Sean smoothed his hands across the brace, checking the fit. “I think that was the night Kavya started dating Miguel. I remember seeing them together on the dancefloor after taking a group photo with most of the swim team.”

“Do you still have the photo??

“I don’t think I still have anything left from high school.”

Except the memories…

“Brace yourself,” Sean warned, waiting for Crest’s nod before he tested the second connection. It was strong. “Good. I think we can practice the draping now.”

Crest turned their head, craning to see the crate of supplies they’d set out close by. The afternoon sun cast a warm glow over the freckles at their neck. “We need the white cloth for that…right?”

“That’s right.” Sean set down the drill and held out his hands expectantly. Crest passed him an edge of fabric, holding onto one end themselves.

Their head tilted to one side as they studied the driftwood arch. “How do we drape it?”

“Over the top and kind of curled around the wood, like it was caught in a gust of wind and got wrapped around the wood.”

“Like seaweed over coral…” Crest shook their head. “Humans go through a lot of effort to mimic what nature does on its own.”

Sean nodded. “For Kavya, at least, it’s out of admiration.”

That seemed to make Crest smile. They lifted their arms and started twining the gauzy white fabric. Sean followed after, feeding them more fabric as they went. The two of them worked in silence until Crest had to step back on the large exercise block to reach the center of the arch. This position made them taller than Sean, so he was looking up at the way their hair glowed in the sun when they said, “Do you think Kavya still has pictures of your prom?”

“Why are you so fixated on my prom?” The question came out sharper than Sean had intended, but Crest didn’t look upset when they tipped their head down to meet Sean’s eyes.

“Because I want to know what it was like.” Something like a wistful smile passed across their lips, and they glanced up at the arch as if imagining decorations long since discarded. “It would have been fun to see your prom.”

“That could never happen.” It hurt to hear himself say it, but it was the truth. “There wasn’t time. Your Journey was over.”

The corners of Crest’s mouth fell, and Sean watched some of the warmth bled away from their amber eyes.

My fault.

“If you want to go to a dance, or a club,” Sean rushed to offer options, undue whatever hurt he’d stirred up, “I’m sure you could do that while you’re here. Kavya could show you some of the best spots. You could send a message to Drop, and—”

“Drop doesn’t want to come on land.” Crest’s eyes met Sean, and electric, poignant connection, even after all this time. “They said their Journey was more than enough for them.”

“Oh…” Sean broke their connection, staring at the tail of white fabric in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

Crest shrugged, Sean watched the movement in their shadow on the ground. “It’s their choice.”

Sean managed to look up again, but now Crest was looking at the arch, focused on drawing the fabric around it, draping it artfully around and between the bits of driftwood they’d spent the morning assembling. They didn’t look upset; it didn’t look like they were feeling much of anything, but Sean recognized their closed-off look for what it was. He hated seeing that look on Crest’s face.

“This isn’t right, is it?”

Slim fingers tightened around the white fabric Kavya had chosen the day before. Crest’s ribs expanded on a long breath, and they tugged the fabric across the downward slope of the arch. “What do you mean?”

Sean offered his arm when Crest stepped down from the exercise block, but Crest either didn’t see it, or ignored it. Air burned in Sean’s lungs. “Crest.”

They turned to face him, trailing white fabric around their body like a toga. They didn’t say anything as they looked at him; they just scanned Sean’s face and waited.

“I don’t want to cause a wedge between you and Drop. I’m glad—” Sean swallowed again, “I’m thrilled that you believe in this project, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up time with your partner.”

“Partner?” Crest blinked and their eyebrows lifted. “Sean, Drop is not my partner.”

“W-what?”

“Drop isn’t my partner,” Crest repeated. “We were…briefly partners, but it wasn’t what either of us thought it would be.” Orange hair curled around Crest’s temple as they shook their head like they were shaking off the memory.

All this time… “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Somehow Crests hands had found their way into Sean’s and squeezed. White fabric was billowing around both of them now, tying them together under the arch. “Our hearts weren’t in it.” There was something heartbreaking in the twist of Crest’s smile. “But they’re still one of my best friends.”

Friends.

Still friends was complicated territory, or it could be. There could be a stilted kind of awkwardness in the ‘still friends’ territory following a breakup, but Sean hadn’t seen any kind of awkwardness between Crest and Drop. They still seemed so close… Were there some longing, aching, unrequited feelings? Crest didn’t deserve that hurt.

Sean leaned forward a fraction of an inch. “Is that all you want?”

“With Drop?” Crest’s amber eyes shone like jewels in the sunlight. “Yes.”

Breath hitched in Sean’s throat, making his voice come out rough when he asked, “Is there someone else?”

“I want there to be.”

It was a breathless, whispered confession that stained Crest’s cheeks pink. Sean felt an answering heat bloom across his own face, and cursed himself for it. This wasn’t about him. Crest didn’t still—

“Sean?”

“Yes?” Every freckle on Crest’s gorgeous cheeks was glowing. Sean wanted to trace them with his fingertips, feel if they were as warm as they looked. His hand actually twitched in Crest’s, but stilled the moment Crest squeezed, nestling their fingers tight against Sean’s skin.

“I never wanted to choose.”

Sean blinked, trying to comprehend what Crest was telling him. “Huh?

“I never wanted to choose between you and the Blue,” Crest said, shaking their head a little as they spoke. Their amber eyes were fierce and beautiful, holding Sean captive with an unspoken command. “And now… I hope I don’t have to.”

“Crest…” Sean’s heart tripped over hard between his ribs, and his hand was warm, almost hot as it cradled Crest’s cheek. Reaching for Crest hadn’t been a conscious decision. His body made the move for him, because he couldn’t help it and he was so tired of fighting. Sean didn’t regret holding Crest, especially when they leaned into his palm with a quiet, contented sigh.

“I love you, Sean.” A kiss, whisper soft and wonderful pressed against Sean’s palm.

“I never stopped loving you,” Crest promised, “and I never forgot about you.”

“I think about you all the time, every day,” Sean confessed, leaning forward until his forehead brushed against Crest’s. “I was thinking of you when it happened.”

“When what happened?” Crest leaned back just enough to meet Sean’s eyes. It looked like they were searching for something.

“When I transformed for the first time, I was swimming in the Blue. The full moon was shining, a Journey Moon, and I let myself…” Sean swallowed a gulp of air, “I let myself feel everything I’m not supposed to, because there wasn’t a way for us to be together. I knew that. I spent years living it, but I never stopped wanting you, missing you, loving you.” Crest was so close Sean could count every freckle on their beautiful face. “I love you, Crest. I’ve loved you every day for the last ten years, and I want to keep loving you forever.”

“Sean.” It was only one word, his name, but it was bursting with emotion. Crest surged forward and up, pressing their mouth across Sean’s in a messy, passionate, electric kiss that left them both stumbling and breathless. There wasn’t technique, or fitness, just love and longing finally realized.

Lips dragged across lips, pressing, caressing, and coaxing. A pulse of bright, giddy joy flashed in Sean’s chest like the rush of a shooting star across the night sky. Breath mingled, tickling their faces between half whispered confessions. Sean let his hands glide across Crest’s torso, slipping into place at their waist. Crest arched against him, offering up a soft sound of desire that Sean devoured.

The fabric around them both pulled tight in a sudden breeze. They were thoroughly tangled in the drape, and by extension, the arch they’d been meant to assemble. Air rushed into Sean’s lungs as he started to lift his head. Crest let him go with a smile that drew Sean back down like a rush of tide. “I love you,” Sean whispered, murmuring his confession directly against Crest’s lips. He felt Crest smile more than he saw it.

“I love you too, Sean. So much.”

They nestled close together under the arch, foreheads and noses brushing. Sean’s fingers trembled at Crest’s waist, but he didn’t let go. Crest was here, now, in his arms again after all these years.

“Does this mean we can…” Sean paused and licked his lips, trying to coax the words out of his mouth. He had to say what he was feeling, ask for what he wanted, before some fresh obstacle presented itself. “Does this mean we can see each other?”

Crest tilted their head and smiled up at him, amber eyes sparkling and crinkled at the edges with humor. “I’m looking right at you.”

Sean lowered his head, pressing their foreheads together again for a brief moment. “Crest, I want to be your boyfriend.” He lifted his head, catching their gaze again. “I want to be your boyfriend for real, without an expiration date this time.”

Crests eye’s softened, becoming warm shades of dark honey. “I’d love that.” They leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to Sean’s lips. “I want to be your partner too, Sean.”

“Yes!” A loud whoop echoed around Avani and Coraline’s yard. “Finally!”

Sean and Crest startled, but the fabric winding around them held strong. Kavya was cheering and applauding from the back patio. Miguel was with her, leaning against the doorway and smiling at his fiancée’s enthusiasm.

“It’s good luck that the wedding arch has already seen a love confession, isn’t it?” Kavya asked, turning to face Miguel, who’s smile widened.

“Love is always a good thing,” Miguel answered, lifting his gaze to smile and nod at Sean and Crest. “Happy for you both.” He chuckled when Kava started doing an excited little shimmy around the cement rectangle that marked the patio.

“I guess we have their approval,” Crest nodded towards Kavya and Miguel.

“I would have asked to be your boyfriend either way,” Sean declared, pulling Crest’s attention back to him. “I love you, Crest, and I’m tired of fighting it.”

Crest found Sean’s hands with theirs and squeezed. “I love you too.” They lifted Sean’s hands and pressed a kiss against his knuckles. “And I might, might be ready to forgive the Blue for making us choose in the first place.”

“We’re together now.” Sean nudged Crest’s forehead with his own and kissed their temple. “That’s what matters.”

Crest hummed in agreement and leaned against Sean’s chest.

Miguel’s deep chuckle skipped across the yard to them. “Do you need help getting out of there?”

“No.” Sean’s reply was immediate, but his next few movements were more restricted than he’d thought they’d be, and the white fabric was stubborn. After a few more, less than productive, tugs Sean gave Miguel a sheepish smile and admitted, “…Maybe?”

~*~*~*~

Kavya’s wedding was beautiful and sweet, everything Sean hoped for her. It had been more than a rush to pull everything together so quickly, but the speed also kept things wonderfully simple. The decorations weren’t extravagant, and neither was the guestlist, but Kavya and Miguel were center stage, just as they should be. Their love was the start of the show, and it radiated out of every moment of the ceremony.

Sean stood beside Kavya as her Man of Honor, and he was truly honored to share such a powerful moment with her. Kavya’s gown was elegant, but she would have glowed no matter what she wore. Her smile and the way she looked at Miguel outshone everything else except the way Miguel looked back at her. It was the stuff only the best love stories were made off.

As thrilled as Sean was for Kavya and Miguel, it was impossible not to glance at Crest throughout the ceremony. Most of the time they smiled back at Sean and subtly gestured for him to pay attention, but when Kavya and Miguel exchanged rings, Crest looked utterly captivated. Sean’s breath caught in his throat as he watched them. Their eyes glittered with unshed tears, and their face was flushed. For just a moment Sean wished the photographer, one of his work contacts who owed him a favor, could capture that moment, and how lovely Crest looked. Then Crest caught Sean staring and scrunched their nose at him until he turned his gaze back to Kavya and Miguel. And then Sean’s eyes were filling with tears too.

The day was one heartfelt moment after another. Kavya and Miguel were welcomed into the room with enthusiastic applause and joyful cheering. Mrs. Ortiz’s cooking warmed their plates and sated their appetites. Sean gave his Man of Honor speech with only a few tears, and listened to the other speeches with more than a few tears. Kavya and Miguel shared a stunning first dance worthy of the big screen to A Nightengale Sang in Berkley Square. After the parent dances, just as everyone else was stepping onto the dance floor, Sean slipped out onto the pier to get some air.

The Blue greeted him with pulsing waves like a beating heart, and Sean leaned against the railing to watch the tide come in. The pier continued around the corner of the building and stretched out further into the Blue, but Sean stopped at the first railing closest to the reception space, where he could still hear the party in the background. He didn’t want to go too far. The air was salty, and the sky was just starting to blush orange and pink in the west. It would be a beautiful night.

A door opened and closed behind him. Sean heard the sound of heels clacking on the wood of the pier moments before he felt the heat of Crest’s presence at his side.

“Are you okay?”

“I am.” Sean smiled and leaned into Crest’s shoulder. The navy-blue organza fabric of their sleeves pushed up against his suit. “I just needed some air. How are you?”

“Sean,” Crest sounded breathless, and their smile tugged on Sean’s heartstrings. “This wedding was amazing!”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Sean slipped his arm around Crest’s waist and pressed a kiss into their hair when they leaned against him.

“It’s not over yet, right?”

“Not yet,” Sean agreed. “There’ll be dancing for a little while, then Kavya will throw the bouquet.”

“That’s a strange way to decide who gets married next.” Crest frowned, crinkling their nose creating ripples of freckles across their cheeks. Sean wanted to kiss every single one of them.

“It’s not law,” Sean chuckled, “It’s just tradition. An old wives’ tale. People say it’s a way to predict who will get married next, but no one is forced to do anything; it’s just for fun.”

Sean trailed his fingers down the open back of Crest’s jump suit, feeling the warmth of their skin against his. The jumpsuit had transparent long sleeves, pants, and a ruffled partial skirt that was indecently short in the front and grew longer in the back, falling down to the back of Crest’s knees. The skirt was made of the same see-through material as the sleeves, making Crest look ethereal every time they moved. Or maybe that was just the way Sean would always see them.

“Do you want to get married?” Crest’s tone was light, curious. They weren’t proposing, but the thought made Sean smile anyway.

“I do, some day.” He trailed his hand down Crest’s arm until they could intertwine their fingers. “I want to build my life with a partner without constraining them, so that we can grow together because we want to.” Crest’s eye shadow, curtesy of Kavya and Avani, glimmered in the last rays of sunlight, and again Sean itched for his camera. “When it’s the right time.”

Crest squeezed Sean’s hand in theirs like a promise. “When it’s the right time.”

“Ah!”

Sean’s head snapped to the side of the building in the direction of the short sharp cry.

Beside him, he felt Crest stiffen. “Did you—”

“H-help!”

“sh*t!” Sean pushed away from the railing with the same force he’d used during races, trying to cut through the air as quickly as he used to cut through the water. He spun and skidded around the corner of the building, stumbling when he saw Elder Kelp dragging Elder Swish towards the edge of the pier with their arm wrapped around Elder Swish’s neck.

“Sean! Crest!” Elder Swish’s voice was choked, raspy, but their eyes bulged in desperation. White-knuckled fingers clawed at Elder Kelp’s sleeve, trying to loosen their grip.

“Great.” Elder Kelp huffed. “Now I have to deal with all three of you.” Elder Kelp jerked Elder Swish backwards at a violent angle and Sean caught a flash of silver in their other hand.

f*ck!

“Kelp! Stop it!”

With Crest’s cries ringing in his ears, Sean leapt forward, keeping his eyes on the knife, and tackled Elder Kelp. They hit the wooden boards of the pier with a massive thud that shook the railing.

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

They were way too close to the water. Sean could almost feel a salty spray against his cheek, but he couldn’t let go. The blade of the knife pushed against the fabric of Sean’s suit, slicing through, but it didn’t hit skin. Elder Kelp couldn’t get the leverage for an attack when Sean was leaning the majority of his bodyweight against their wrist. He could feel tendons strain and something Sean didn’t want to think about popped under his grip. “Let go of the knife!”

“Damn you!” Elder Kelp roared back, trying to twist and jerk themselves free.

As Sean and Elder Kelp struggled, Elder Swish slid free, coughing and gasping for air. They reeled towards the edge of the pier, but Crest was there to catch them and pull them back to safety.

“Sean!”

Something in Sean recoiled as he slammed the heel of his palm against Elder Kelp’s wrist, driving it back into the unforgiving wood. He felt something snap and gulped air, trying not to be sick.

Elder Kelp screamed.

The knife fell away from their fingers into the churning Blue below.

“Go get help!” Sean called, turning his head away at just the wrong moment.

He never saw the blow coming, but it shot stars across his vision and stole the breath from his lungs. Something hard and narrow pressed against Sean’s back and someone was wailing for him.

Sean blinked and strained for air. He heard a smack, felt the concussive thud that echoed through the wood beneath him, but felt no pain. Was Elder Kelp attacking Elder Swish again? Or Crest?

Dread dropped low and cold in Sean’s stomach, pulling something loose. Air rushed into his quivering chest, and he started to push to his feet.

“No!!!”

Elder Kelps snarling face snapped into focus and instant before Sean felt their fingers sink into the tender skin of his neck.

“You never should have come to Pacifica!” Elder Kelp growled.

Sean felt the brush of Elder Kelp’s declaration against his cheeks, but couldn’t pull any breath into his own lungs. He’d only just recovered his vision and the world was going gray at the edges.

Movement and a flash of sunset orange hair drew Sean’s gaze.

Crest!

“Get back!” Elder Kelp snarled, thrusting his elbow up into Crest’s face.

Crest fell into the outer wall of the club with a grimace, and Sean wrenched a thread of air in, just enough to make his body move. Elder Kelp had given up bracing against the building wall to strike Crest, so Sean pushed his back against the railing, ignoring the ominous way it creaked and groaned. He pulled his feet under him and forced his legs straight, pushing Elder Kelp up and away. Sean arched his body, dropping one foot back to twist Elder Kelp around and into the railing. He put everything he had into moving Elder Kelp and part of the wood railing shattered when their body crashed against it. Their momentum very nearly carried them both into the Blue, but Sean managed to grab a chunk of the railing that was still standing.

Elder Kelp dangled, swaying in the air above an angry tide.

“f*ck,” Sean gasped, trying to tighten his grip on their wrist with one hand. It already felt slippery.

“I’m here, Sean!” Crest’s hands braced against Sean’s shoulder and elbow, taking some of the strain.

“Put your feet against the deck and we can pull you up!” Sean yelled into the wind, trying to be heard above the water.

Elder Kelp just smiled. “You won’t win that easily. Mer and humans weren’t meant to mix. There’s a reason we’ve stayed separate all these years. We help the Blue while you only try to destroy it!” The sneer across their face twisted into something harsher and uglier. “If we followed your ridiculous plan humans would slaughter us until there was no one left!”

“You don’t know that!” Sean called back, trying to pull Elder Kelp up and cursing when they slid a inch or two lower in his grip. “You have to help me! I can’t pull you up on my own!”

“I don’t have to do anything, Sean Nessen.” Their lips pulled back in a feral show of teeth. “I’m going to let the Blue welcome me home, then I’m going to hunt down every last one of you!”

“No!”

Ocean spray was making them all damp and Sean was starting to lose his grip. He curled his fingers into claws, leaving red marks across Elder Kelp’s skin.

“Only survivors get to tell the tale and I’ll make sure no mer thinks of leaving the Blue ever again!”

Wet skin slipped through Sean’s hand. The pressure and weight of holding Elder Kelp up fell away instantly, tossing him and Crest back a step while Elder Kelp fell, cackling, into the churning surface.

The instant Elder Kelp hit the water their exultant laughter pitched into a terrified scream. The Blue frothed and bubbled around them, rushing across their body and ripping away their substance. Sean didn’t see a tail, a flash of scales, or a pulse of displaced water. All he saw was a growing patch of seafoam.

Sean’s eyes caught Crest’s, wide and frightened. “Did…” Sean worked his tongue against the roof of his mouth trying to force some moisture into the dry surface. “Did they just—”

“Sean—”

“f*ck!”

“Oh, my God! Someone call the police!”

Kavya and Miguel ran up to them, with Bubbles and Elder Pearl close behind them. Everyone was loud and frantic, except for Sean and Crest, and the semi-conscious Elder Swish, who was holding their head and rocking slowly back and forth. Sean’s hand found Crest’s shaking fingers and squeezed. Crest wasn’t the only one trembling.

More footsteps sounded. The entire wedding party could have pushed their way out into the small deck and pier, but Avani and Coraline’s voices started to protest, ordering everyone back inside.

Sean heard the sirens a few minutes later.

~*~*~*~

They never found Kelp’s body.

While paramedics cleared Sean, Crest, and Elder Swish—none of their injuries had been worse than moderate contusions and minor lacerations—divers combed the water under the watch of grim-faced officers.

Police assumed Kelp had been swept out to sea. They said the search would continue and offered their condolences. All the guests and the staff at the club helped pack everything away. Once the police officers and divers left, there was very little for Kavya and the wedding party to do other than go home. It wasn’t the big bride and groom send-off they’d planned, but the plan changed the moment Kelp had attacked Elder Swish.

“I don’t think they meant to kill me,” Elder Swish said later, then they were huddled around Avani and Coraline’s living room with hot chocolate and tea. “They hit me from behind and growled something ‘filthy mer creatures.’ They were livid when I looked up and saw them.” Elder Swish stroked the smooth ceramic of their mug without lifting it to their lips. “They said… ‘You weren’t supposed to see me!’”

“That f*cking blowhole,” Kavya spat. I bet you they were trying to convince us someone had found out about mer and was already targeting you. I bet they brought that threatening note to the mailbox themselves and only pretended to find it.”

“You think?” Sean asked. He was sitting on the sofa, one arm firmly wrapped around Crest’s shoulders.

Kavya spread her arms wide and flapped them against the full skirts of her gown, which she was still wearing. “It’s the only thing that makes sense! If Elder Swish hadn’t seen them. If they’d been knocked out, or taken just a little longer to get to their feet, we’d have no idea what Elder Kelp was up to. It would look like the danger was increasing and might only get worse if the mer stayed.”

“They really didn’t want to leave the Blue,” Elder Pearl breathed, looking dazed as they leaned against the arm of the loveseat.

“Now they never have to,” Bubbles muttered.

A few people stiffened, but no one protested the observation. It was the truth, and it was one they would all have to live with. They’d been sharing knowing glances all evening, but now they knew the truth. There wasn’t going to be any body to find.

They sat together, looking at each other, absorbing the moment for a long while.

It was Sean who finally broke the silence. “Kelp made their choice. I wish they choose differently, but I’m not responsible for their actions and neither are any of you.”

“I think…” Crest licked their lips and finally lifted their head. Their arms were still crossed tight across their ribs. “I think the Blue was protecting us.” They looked to Sean and reached for him. Sean took their hand instantly. “I think the Blue has been part of this since the beginning. The Blue is the reason you were able to transform Sean. It sent you back to us for a reason.”

“I’ll never go away again,” Sean promised.

“Ugh.” Kavya grinned despite her protest. “The two of you are bad for my blood sugar.”

“I’m sorry,” Sean chuckled, completely unrepentant. “Isn’t it still your wedding day?”

“Is it?” Kavya mimed looking at a wristwatch, smile still firmly in place.

“It’s tomorrow,” Avani confirmed, glancing up from her phone. “And we should all get to bed. Big day tomorrow.”

“Um, Mummy,” Kavya leaned forward and rested her hand on Avani’s forearm. “The big day was today, remember?”

“Uh…Well, yes, but—”

“Tomorrow is your first day as a married couple,” Coraline cut in, seamlessly covering Avani’s slip. Kavya and Miguel still didn’t know about the honeymoon they were being gifted. “And that’s a big day too. Stay the night, sweetheart, and I’ll make pancakes for everyone in the morning. We can send you off properly afterwards, birdseed and all.”

Bubbles blinked and stifled a yawn. “Birdseed?”

“We throw it at them,” Elder Swish added. They were sitting in the recliner with an icepack across their temple, but still clearly following along. “Human tradition for fertility, or prosperity. I forget which.”

“Both,” Kavya, Miguel, and Sean said simultaneously.

The humans chuckled.

“It does sound nice to have breakfast with everyone,” Kavya sighed, leaning into Miguel’s shoulder. “Do you mind having our wedding night here?”

Miguel snickered. “Well, not in the middle of the living room. I don’t like an audience.”

Kavya snorted and nudged him with her shoulder.

“You can have the guest room,” Bubbles offered. “We made the bed this morning, and there’s plenty of room on the sofa.”

“I think I’ll stay in the recliner,” Elder Swish added. “I’m comfortable, and the room has finally stopped spinning.”

It was surprisingly quick work to pull out blankets, air mattresses, and sleeping bags for the living room. There wasn’t much glamour for an after-wedding event, but it still felt right, cozy, to stay close tonight after everything that happened.

Sean tried to settle into the calm and quiet that descended over the house once everyone had said their goodnights, but sleep wouldn’t come. It was like Sean’s nervous system wouldn’t absorb the fact that he was safe now. They were all safe and, thankfully, together.

He was still awake when, sometime later, Crest left the air mattress. When Sean heard the back door creak, he got up to follow his partner.

Crest didn’t go far. They were standing at the edge of the cement patio, looking up at stars, scattered across the dark sky like glitter.

“No moon tonight,” Crest whispered when Sean stepped up beside them.

“Human’s call it a new moon. It’s a good time for a fresh start, new beginnings.”

Crest sighed and leaned against Sean in the darkness. “I like the sound of that.” Their fingers found Sean’s, twining around them and squeezing gently. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to dance together.”

“Would you like to?”

“Now?” Crest turned and Sean imagined they would look somewhat incredulous if he could see them better, but he wasn’t deterred. The world sang with romantic possibilities, and for the first time in a long time, Sean was going to lean into them with his whole heart.

“Yes.” Sean stepped into the shadows of Avani and Coraline’s garden, outside of the home they had built together and held his hand out to Crest. “May I have this dance?”

Crest’s expression, the smile that dawned slowly across their face, was just barely visible in the starlight. Without hesitation, they slipped their hand back into his and said, “Always.”