Katie Rössler, LPC on LinkedIn: Book Recommendations: Not every marriage is failing right now...though it… (2024)

Marriage is often described as a journey filled with love, companionship, and shared experiences. However, there are times when the union may feel hollow, leaving partners questioning the depth of their connection. When a marriage feels empty, it can be a disheartening and confusing experience.♦️WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE FEELS EMPTY:👇Firstly, it's essential to recognize that feeling disconnected doesn't necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Emptiness can manifest due to various reasons – stress, changing priorities, lack of communication, or personal growth. Identifying the root cause is crucial to finding a way forward.The following can help to remove the emptiness:⏩ Communication - It plays a pivotal role in addressing emptiness within a marriage. Sharing your feelings with your partner openly and honestly is the first step. Expressing concerns and actively listening to each other's perspectives can lay the groundwork for understanding and potential resolution.⏩ Rediscovering shared interests - or finding new activities to engage in together might reignite the spark. Sometimes, dedicating quality time to bond without distractions can strengthen the emotional connection.⏩ Professional guidance - from a therapist or counselor can also provide a neutral space to navigate complex emotions and offer tools to improve communication and understanding.⏩ Self-reflection - is equally important. Assessing personal expectations, needs, and contributions to the relationship can shed light on areas that need attention or change.Remember, addressing emptiness in a marriage requires effort and patience from both partners. It's a process that demands mutual commitment, understanding, and a willingness to evolve together.

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What’s the reason your marriage is not exactly the way you want it to be? Why isn’t your communication great? Why don’t you feel as connected as you’d like? Your answers to these questions reveal a lot.They represent the beliefs you hold.And the beliefs you hold drive your actions, which ultimately create your results.So if you want something different and better in your marriage, you have to take a look at the thoughts that have gotten you to where you are right now. If your answers ONLY have to do with your spouse - you are missing the role you play and the power you hold to create a positive shift.In a marriage, everything that happens is because of the dynamic between the TWO of you. BOTH of you contribute to perpetuating any conflict and disconnection. That’s the best news ever.Because both of you can fix it. Knowing the core issues is the first step.Shifting the way you see yourselves and each other is the next.A better and more fulfilling marriage only needs two people willing to come together and create it. By being more aware of your impact on each other.By getting on the same page about what you want.By opening yourself up to change the way you think and react.By consciously making different choices that communicate appreciation, kindness and care.This is the work I’m so honored to do inside my signature program, The Marriage UpGrade. As a couple you’ll learn to get on the same page, and move in the same direction with less frustration, disappointment and exhaustion. You’ll have new tools to calmly talk to each other, work through your differences with less judgment and criticism, and to resolve conflict without arguments and shut-downs. Enrollment for Spring 2024 is open now.To get more details and to learn how you can join, visit DrChavonne.com and click “The Marriage UpGrade.”

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Your Dream Marriage Could Be in Big Trouble—Here's WhyIf any of these reasons describe the major purpose of your upcoming marriage:• To marry your soulmate• To signify a lifelong commitment• To find companionship. "I'm marrying my best friend so I won't be lonely anymore."• To get your emotional needs met• To raise kids and have a family• To take the next logical step in the relationship. "It's what people do."• Because we share common values and interests.•To fulfill sexual needs and desires• Because of the amazing attraction and chemistry• To become whole or complete as individuals• To make a public declaration of our love• For financial security• To have the safety of a legal contract• To find happiness.Many couples enter marriage with a host of romanticized ideas about love and marriage. With great excitement, they anticipate a spouse who will be all they ever dreamed of in a mate.But I have to tell you, if any of the reasons above is your main objective, then you're setting yourself up for many years of hurt and frustration.Why? The real question is, what happens when you are not happy? What happens when these reasons are not met?What will an absence of happiness or unmet expectations mean for your relationship?Dear Bachelor/Bachelorette,The reasons above are not why you should get married. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. It's about growth, partnership, and navigating life's challenges together, not just fulfilling a checklist of desires.Follow me for more clarity before you walk down that aisle to say "I do."Let's uncover the deeper purpose and foundation that will truly sustain your marriage.Class continues tomorrow.P.S.: Which of these reasons are closest to yours?

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If you want to open up your marriage and your partner says “ABSOLUTELY not,” that is not the end of the story.It may also mean:“I love so many things about our marriage, and non-monogamy might mean I need to say goodbye to those things, and I am not prepared.”“I don’t know how to navigate such uncharted waters, and I don’t like being completely clueless.”“Am I doing something wrong? Am I not enough? I thought you were the only person who fully accepted me. Do I no longer belong here in this world?”These are very interesting stories, and the first instinct is to change these stories. So we throw at them empty half-truths and platitudes about the future that we know nothing about:“Oh I am definitely not gonna leave you. I love you.”“You won’t be clueless. We’ll listen to podcasts and read books together. It’ll be fine.”“You totally belong. You are totally enough and perfect.”But what we are really doing is negating the truth of their experience.We negate the truth of the other’s experience when we need them to feel better so we get what we want.The question is: Is this how I want to practice care for the human being I love so much?To care is to heed, to regard, to look out for. It does not involve changing who they are or what they bring.Opening up a marriage requires a partnership between two people. That means we regard the other as a person.Without this first step of regarding the other as a human being, a sustainable opening is typically out of reach.If we step outside of the capitalistic push of treating human beings as pawns and characters, what does it look like for you, specifically, to practice care for your partner?In The Opener, we practice honoring your partner as they are without abandoning ourselves.We embody what partnership really means for you in your marriage as two human beings who love each other deeply.Send me a message to join.

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Navigating a tough, sensitive, or challenging season in your marriage requires a heightened awareness of who you connect to and what you allow to influence you. The enemy’s plan is clear - to destroy marriages, particularly kingdom marriages. He’s aware of the influence and impact of a unified couple. He’s subtle in how he infiltrates the minds of husband and wife.When you’re a the height of your emotions, it’s not a coincidence that you’re seeing memes about “knowing your worth”, statuses about “choosing me” or seeing one of the women you admire who’s recently divorced and living her best life. His playbook is all about getting embedded into your emotions and psyche, perpetuating the pain to steer you away from hearing what God has said concerning your marriage. Now, let’s be clear. I’m not here to dismiss the pain or frustration you are experiencing. I don’t advocate for anyone to stay in a situation that destroys their soul, and I don’t believe mistreatment is aligned with God’s plan for you. My rule of thumb is simple: If I wouldn’t advise my daughter to stay, I won’t tell anyone else’s daughter to stay. My message is clear. Exercise caution in what you consume while experiencing tough times in your marriage. You must avoid feeding your emotions and ego during this time.Despite society’s negative portrayal of marriage and the divisive narratives it promotes, marriage is still indeed a beautiful thing. Here's my assignment to you today:Go back to the drawing board and ask God whether your spouse is the one who is assigned and capable of helping you to fulfill your destiny. Ask Him to prepare your heart for the answer, even if the answer is no. Whatever He says, Ask Him for the courage to commit to completion. P.S: While marriage brings us a warm and fuzzy feeling, a sense of completion, and someone to do life with, its purpose is much bigger. Its purpose is to be the tangible evidence of Christ's love for the church, unveil the power of unity, and exercise His power over the enemy. This is what the true fight is about.

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A sexless marriage is a sign not a sentence!Fruit. The by product of everything being in its natural order.Fun and Connected bedrooms are the fruit of a great relationship.Fun in the sheets is the fruit.It is supposed to happen. And when it’s not happening that is like looking at a tree that bears no fruit. It’s a sign. A sign that the tree will be dead very soon.The sexlessness in your marriage is not a sentence you endure but a sign to wake up and fix it before it dies entirely.Step 1. What does the fruit look like in the bedroom with my lady? Do I like it?If yes, stay the course. You’re doing awesome. You fruity S O B If no, inspect the root. That means look at how you are showing up. And ask yourself if you are the problem.There is 95% chance your lady feels emotionally neglected by you. The same way you feel sensually rejected by her.Take this bad fruit as a sign that you are the problem. Which means you are the solution.You get to become the guy who knows how to get amazing fruit budding off of his tree.Isn’t it great to know the answer is you?!?!Oh and guess what here’s what’s even cooler? If you do the work and you find out you’re not the problem, when you decide to move on you will carry no guilt or shame.You will have a knowing that you would no longer settle for this low level of relationship.I have observed that the men who have the best relationships in and outside the bed chamber, simply decided they wouldn’t settle for anything less than a thriving marriage.That’s it. Survive isn’t good enough. Thrive or nothing.That’s how you become the solution.Don’t feel ashamed if your fruit is bad. Our fathers didn’t teach us how to tend this tree. It’s new for almost every guy and what is being taught is so backwards it had us all doing the lamest stuff.But that has all changed now. The information is here. All you have to do is walk down the path I show you and BAM fruit will be back in no time.Comment fruit and I’ll send you something really cool I am working on. It will help you be fruitful once again!Lemon from our lemon tree in the backyard.

Sometimes, the resistance to an open marriage is that we believe that loyalty is sacred. In some ways, we think we are “owed” loyalty.It’s like, “I did so much for us. For the family. For our kids. And you want to invest time and energy in *other* people?!”But whenever we decide to do things *for* other people, we find ourselves under the illusion that we know how our decisions are going to benefit others.The reality is that when we think we are doing something “for” someone else, we are simply making assumptions about how they experience our decisions.Like if I say, “I sacrificed so much for the family. How could you do this?” From my eyes, yes I may very much have forgone my desire to relax and take care of myself so that I can put food on the table.But does this mean that my family benefitted from my “sacrifice” as much as I wanted them to?Perhaps they absolutely benefitted from the food on the table. It is also very possible that they missed out on the experiences of developing a relationship with me while I was working my ass off. Something that they may have craved more than food.This doesn’t mean anyone did anything bad. It just means that my assumption that they *only* benefitted from my “sacrifices” is not accurate.It is also not accurate to assume that their agency is now under my control because I made the decision to make sacrifices. The word “sacrifice,” even in the Biblical sense, is quite transactional: I make a big offering with the secret expectation that I will get something back.In this case of “sacrificing for the family,” I would be expecting loyalty like some sort of payment for the investment that I’ve made in my decisions “for” them.When we make assumptions and have expectations on how others will respond to our decisions, we find it harder to sustain our relationships.So in the end, it’s not the open marriage that breaks the marriage. It’s the unexamined assumptions and expectations that disintegrate our deepest experience of love.The fireside on opening up your marriage is on April 5 at noon ET. We will examine our assumptions and expectations in a way that feels more fruitful, not judgmental. More playful, not onerous.Register: angela-han.com/open

How does personal growth contribute to a happier marriage?Personal growth is a cornerstone in building a joyous and enduring marriage. Here's how personal growth enriches the marital bond:1. Improved Self-Awareness: Recognizing our strengths and acknowledging our weaknesses, we navigate emotions and values with greater clarity. This self-knowledge is a gift to our marriage, enabling us to communicate more openly and empathetically with our partner. It paves the way for mutual respect and understanding, laying a solid foundation for our shared life.2. Emotional Regulation: As we grow, we equip ourselves with the tools for better emotional regulation. We learn to keep our emotions in check, to respond rather than react. This emotional maturity minimizes conflicts and cultivates a peaceful, harmonious environment where love can flourish.3. Increased Independence: When we find fulfillment within, our happiness becomes our own creation, not a burden placed upon our partner's shoulders. This healthy independence fosters a dynamic of support and companionship, free from the weight of dependency.4. Enhanced Communication Skills: At the heart of any thriving marriage is effective communication. We learn to listen actively, to share our thoughts and emotions with clarity, and to resolve conflicts constructively. Such advancements in communication are key to nurturing the quality of our interactions and strengthening our connection.5. Alignment of Goals and Values: Engaging in personal growth can lead us to reevaluate our life's direction. This unity creates a shared purpose, a common vision for the future, and an unbreakable bond in marriage.In essence, personal growth is not just about bettering ourselves; it's about enriching the relationships we treasure. It allows us to bring our best selves into our marriage, creating a partnership that's not just happier, but deeply fulfilling and genuinely loving.

What is the #1 thing to have in a Thriving Marriage?Last night my wife and I went on a date. We got some grub to go. Drove up the canyon and sat by the river and ate dinner in our camp chairs in the Spring sun. We hiked a few miles up to a beautiful lookout spot before heading back home.There are a lot of important things to have in a Thriving Marriage. Great communication, managing money together, being great parents, shared religious beliefs, intimacy, and the list goes on. But the #1 is Time Together!!How can you have any of the above without making time for each other??What attracted you first to your spouse made you want to spend as much time as possible with each other. But you get married and have kids and start a business and all of a sudden time is no longer an asset. This is why Date nights are crucial to a Thriving Marriage. This is why after years and years good marriages erode away because they don’t work at it by simply making time for each other!!Here’s 3 simple things to do right now to make time for your spouse. 1. Make Time for a fun and simple date!Make it fun and not break the bank. It will give your marriage the boost you both need. Remember what it was like to be young again and you were the only two people in the world!2. Make Time to go over your money!The biggest and longest lasting arguments in marriage is over money. Set aside time each week to discuss money at a family and personal level it will save you so much energy. 3. Make Time for Sexual Intimacy!Couples who have a thriving marriage schedule times to be alone together and foster intimacy. This part of your relationship should not be a leftover component to your relationship. It can be enjoyed as you look forward to your time alone.If you have questions about either one of these suggestions DM me!

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